WASHINGTON, D.C. – After several long hours of wrangling over the type of missiles to employ when the United States strikes Tehran next week, the Likud Party withdrew its support from President Barack Obama’s governing coalition, causing it to fall apart.
The withdrawal of Likud, which comprises 30 percent of all the seats in the House of Koshers, resulted in the government dropping below the 51 percent of seats needed to maintain power, and led to the scheduling of fresh elections for late December.
Unconfirmed reports suggest Obama may have made a last-ditch effort to save his government by offering to nuke Lebanon, only to be rebuffed by the leaders of Likud and its sister party, the Christian Falangist Union.
The latter’s leader, Ted Cruz, released a three-page, double-spaced thesis outlining the opposition’s plan for national security. His first step is the repeal of Obamacare.
Sometime later, Obama appeared before a C-SPAN camera guided by Helen Thomas and her twin, Ayn Rand. Both women carefully questioned Obama about the recent event, to which he replied:
“This constitutes a fundamental assault on our democracy by white straight males. For this reason I pledge to lead the Pansexual Labor Party to a majority government not reliant on Likud later this month. White men will pay for this.”
@toocantortocanter tweeted “LOL butthurt,” in response.
Instant polls for the December election suggest a possible victory for Bernie Sanders’ Communist Regression Front, but if turnout is low he may need to rely on the Christian Falangists for legislative support.