Author: Rusty
Expenses Scandal MP Blames Hitler n’ Jews
In a novel reverse psychology play on Jewish pogroms and the Nazi Holohoax David Wilshire, the disgraced UK Conservative MP for Scumford-on-the-Wold, has compared the excommunicative treatment of politicians over their dodgy (fraudulent) expense claims to the plight of Jews…
FDA Approve Female ‘Viagra’, 4-hr Erection Notice Remains
Worry not ladies, the medical profession now unanimously accepts that it’s not your fault you no longer have the insatiable libido of a 17-year-old nympho’ and don’t ‘sexperience’ multiple juice-gushing orgasms every time you get yourself off with a rampant…
Big Brother Builds Armpit Sniffer
A hi-technology device that can detect human fear through the medium of ‘smelling’ it is being developed by British scientists and could soon be sniffing out the body odours of anxious terrorists – or shoplifters, welfare benefit cheats, the chronically…
The Funny Side of WW2 – Que?
According to a recent survey undertaken by the government’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money the British youth of the 21st Century are possessed by a plethora of misconceptions concerning Germany, World War Two, the Nazi party and the Holohoax….
Biking Bonkers Boris Foils Mugging
Lord Mayor of London, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, last night rescued a woman from being attacked by an armed group of drunken yobettes, chasing them down the road on his bicycle while shouting “Effin’ Oiks – I’ll have yer all horse-whipped…
Clinton Tells Paki’s – “Tax ’em & Be Damned”
The US Secretary of State, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, in yet another typical menopausal outburst – yesterday rebuked Pakistani government officials for pleading they couldn’t afford to wage an all-out war against Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadi insurgents…
FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS VACANCY (applicants requested)
For those seeking temporary employment over the holidays, looking to earn a few extra bucks, there is a job opening at the north pole that may interest you. Experience working with reindeer a plus, but not required. Tummy like a bowl-full-of-jelly will help, but please do not send photographs with your application. Read all about this once-in-a-season opportunity here.
Mischief Night = Domestic Terrorism
Dog feces-smearing, egg-throwing, gate-stealing, nailing cats to people’s front doors, or setting fire to wheelie bins and disabled pensioners. That can only mean one thing – it’s Manky Mischief Night again. While being an established and centuries-old tradition in northern…
Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism
Two Beefeaters at the Tower of London have been suspended from duty – by the thumbs – while a third is currently undergoing a course of extraordinary rendition in the Tower’s basement dungeons in connection with allegations of harassing their…
Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All
Weird and bizarre nutritional claims come and go – alongside the passage of a Millennium’s ages – and too with the flight of short fickle seasons. Raw mammoth meat provided our cave-dwelling ancestors with the virility and stamina to survive…