FDA Approve Female ‘Viagra’, 4-hr Erection Notice Remains

Worry not ladies, the medical profession now unanimously accepts that it’s not your fault you no longer have the insatiable libido of a 17-year-old nympho’ and don’t ‘sexperience’ multiple juice-gushing orgasms every time you get yourself off with a rampant rabbit vibrator or freshly-chilled cucumber sheathed in a Black Mamba ribbed condom – or while getting a good doggy-style bonking across the kitchen table from the wetback beaner stud who mows your lawns.

You’re probably suffering from a dose of the all-new FTS (Frigid Twat Syndrome) – the latest and greatest medical condition to be thought up by Big Pharma’s sit-up-and-beg scam artist forensic diagnostician stooges who pose as General Practitioners and look a bit like Marcus Welby’s Uncle Enoch.

Luckily for you gals the global pharmaceutical industry’s just finished manufacturing enough toxic H1N1 Sneezy Pig flu vaccine spiked with Spanish Lady pneumonic plaugue to wipe out every fucker in the Ukraine old enough to cough – and 90% of the world’s remaining masses of unwashed ignoramus peasant types the Zionist Illuminati scumbags classify as ‘usless eaters’ – and now they’re free to get geared up – all ready and willing – to help solve your multi-orgasmic problems.

Whether you believe it or not, you’re among the 99% of American women who experience impaired sexual function which can include not only Frigid Twat Syndrome (FTS) but also Restless Vagina Spasms (RVS) – according to the prestigious Journal of American Medical Propaganda and Quackery.

Big Pharma’s faithful subservient crony – the corruptible FDA – have duly complied with their Master’s wishes yet again and evolved the definition of FTS to include decreased desire or arousal, sexual pain (if taking it up the back passage) and difficulties in achieving orgasm (unless dressed in black latex and tied spread-eagle bondage fashion across a barbeque table) – and thus wanton womanhood is stricken by attacks of personal psychological distress that her snatch no longer juices up at the slightest sexual fantasy.

Hence it was simply a matter of convincing the gullible female of the species to become aware of this ‘distress’ factor which constituted the key propaganda component of the drug companies strategy to market a multi-zillion-dollar pill that will turn billions of women into raving nymphomaniacs.

Thus by promoting the criminal myth that “normal” women have three-hole clusterfuck explosive sex all the time, the male-dominated Big Pharmacopoeia has now succeeded in launching their latest scam-curing placebo – yet another little blue pill – this one titled Tranqui-Snatch.

Big Pharma claim their new pussy balm / snake oil pills will displace the dodgy Orgasmatron – the dial-your-jollies spinal implant that rarely works – and can also induce epilectic seizures and total lower limb paralysis instead of the desired states of orgasmic ecstasy .

Likewise, Proctology and Grumble Pharma’s ‘Insta-Hard-On’ testosterone patch – just like Shitzer’s little blue ‘Vi-Shagra’ pill – simply didn’t work for women – albeit had a nasty side effect wherein certain ladies started sprouting chest hair – with others ending up growing a six inch clitoris.

Conversely honest medical diagnosticians across the US (all three of them) are aiming harsh criticism at Big Pharma’s plans, comparing their Tranqui-Snatch pills to the Geneva-based Poxo_Klit_Slime’s Dodgy-Drug divison’s SexaFem capules composed of 90% horny goat weed extract – which while boosting the female libido to the elevated pavillions of desire and passion – adversely swung their mating preferences to having sex with Merino rams, Red deer, Elk and Moose.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via TheSatireStall.Blogspot.com

1 thought on “FDA Approve Female ‘Viagra’, 4-hr Erection Notice Remains

  1. Rusty… Numerous associates who have noticed this piece take exception to your deriding the Poxo_Klit_Slime Corporation formulation known as SexaFem. These aging gentlemen (term used loosly) are exceptionally grateful to this company in that they are, to a man, members of the B.P.O.E (Elks) or the I.O.O.M. (Moose) Club(s). I am not aware of any members of the Red Deer Club in this area.

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