Author: Rusty
“E-Coli Closes Petting Zoos” Says Captain Obvious
Parents should not allow young children to touch animals at petting zoos around the Southampton area of the south coast of England, a Porton Down germ warfare centre microbiologist advised a reporter from the Daily Shitraker amid fears of an…
US Paranoid Over Iran’s “World Ending” Nuke Programme
Iran concealed a fully operational second uranium enrichment plant in defiance of Israeli-led calls for transparency over its nuclear plans, according to the perjurious Zionist stooge President Barack “Barky O’Barmy” Obama. A group of sycophantic spokesmen for the US, UK…
Hippies in Power: Cars to Blame for ‘All’ Bike Crunches
New Labour’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has come up with a brilliant scheme to introduce novel laws in a bid to promote greener transport methods and are considering making motorists legally responsible for all fender-bender accidents involving cyclists or pedestrians…
UK Churches Embrace “Seek the Meek” Week, Weakly
A senior bishop claims the Church of England must shed its upper class ‘Mamon & Snobfords’ supermarket image to attract more of the ‘Grotty Grocer’ type of unemployed landless peasant worshippers away from Sunday morning breakfast TV and Scrapheap Challenge…
Nigella Lawson’s “Sexpress” Reveals Far Too MILFy-Much
Celebrity television chef and Hottentot-arsed slapper Nigella Porkson has this week revealed for the Daily Shitraker some of her best kept secrets. (Read the latest Nigella Lawson here.) Who would have suspected that Nigella prefers take-away Chew and Spew fast…
Guinness Records: Hardest, Oldest, Smallest & Tallest
And now – the latest Guinness World Records: A two-time Guinness record holder is hoping to enter the prestigious compendium yet again with a third placing by completing 100 push-ups in 60 seconds – using his penis – while viewing…
A Score of Things That Mean It’s Sunday
Last week the Sunday Shitraker magazine’s ‘Nostalgia’ feature focused on the impact of 15 years of Sunday trading by greedy, grasping commercial enterprises abusing the Sabbath by seducing and enticing the brain-dead public at large to plunge themselves even deeper…
GlaxoSmithKline “Not” Intimidating HPV Shot Victims
A mother who is initiating legal action against the PoxoShitSlime pharmaceutical giant – claiming her daughter was left partially paralysed after being shot up with their toxic HPV anti-cancer vaccine – has been told by local authority’s Gestapo style ‘Bully…
Real ‘District 9’ Nigeria Laments Sucking So Much
Nigeria’s hapless basket case government went into total bonkers format this week by demanding cinemas across the African continent, Europe, Asia and the Americas stop showing the recently-released science fiction film ‘District Nine’.
Ungrateful Iraqis “Don’t Appreciate” US Invasion
The US House Overshite Committee on International Ethnic Cleansing, Human Wrongs and Justifiable Genocide met today in Washington to discuss issues of sovereignty and stability in Iraq and the country’s longstanding financial obligation of reimbursing the US-led coalition nation forces…