Real ‘District 9’ Nigeria Laments Sucking So Much

Nigeria’s hapless basket case government went into total bonkers format this week by demanding cinemas across the African continent, Europe, Asia and the Americas stop showing the recently-released science fiction film ‘District Nine’.

The Nigerian government claims the film denigrates the country’s image as the Renaissance centrepiece of modern Africa – and shows the population up to be a bunch of corrupt criminal savages and cannibals who do nothing but butcher each other, run 419 e-mail scams and eat aliens from outer space.

Propaganda Minister Ms. Numpty O’Dinga told the Fux News ‘Corruption Central’ programme “De name of our former president Useless O’Banjo was done clearly spelt out as de head of de criminal gang in de movie an’ our ladies shown like black nigga slapper hookers sleepin’ wid de extra-terrestrial beings wot done look like big prawns.”

“We am feelin’ very bad about dis cos de film am clearly denigratin’ Nigeria’s image as de 21st Century Renaissance Florence by portrayin’ us as if we am cannibals an’ criminal types wid de IQ of a rock ape.”

The central theme of the film is about alien refugees who set up home in a South African shanty town called District Nine – obviously based on Cape Town’s infamous District Six black kaffir ‘Criminal Central’ ghetto.
While all and sundry are in agreement that the storyline is a loose allegory about apartheid and recent violence by South Africans against foreigners, Propaganda Minister O’Dinga – a certified paranoid delusional – claims it clearly takes aim at Nigerians.

Ms. O’Dinga informed amused hacks from the gutter press that she had ordered the Nigerian film and video censors board to enforce all cinemas to stop showing the film and confiscate every copy.
“I am also have done formally written to Sony Pictures Entertainment – de company dat am produced dis film, demandin’ an unconditional apology for dis unwarranted attack on Nigeria’s image – an’ lotsa dollars in compensation,” she added.

O’Dinga also stated she had demanded they review the film and remove “all offending portions that injured our image as a nation” – which basically translates as removing all black persons.

Conversely the ‘District Nine’ movie’s director – South African Pik van der Poof – told the Daily Scandalmonger “Ms. O’Dinga’s claim stating that my film shows Nigerians in general – from the government bureaucrats on down – to be a bunch of corrupt criminal scallies and cannibal savages who do nothing but butcher each other, steal oil, market conflict diamonds, do dodgy arms deals with rogue states and run 419 e-mail scams is quite accurate.”

“Unfortunately for the lady it is also perfectly true – apart from the fact they don’t eat aliens from outer space – not yet anyway – but let’s just wait until some have the misfortune to land in Lagos and we’ll see what happens then.”

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via