GlaxoSmithKline “Not” Intimidating HPV Shot Victims

A mother who is initiating legal action against the PoxoShitSlime pharmaceutical giant – claiming her daughter was left partially paralysed after being shot up with their toxic HPV anti-cancer vaccine – has been told by local authority’s Gestapo style ‘Bully Squad’ that the teenager is to be put on the social services ‘at-risk’ register if she goes ahead and pushes her public outcry for an investigation.

Candida McScrunt informed one reporter from the Daily Shitraker that allegations she is abusing her 13-year-old daughter Chlamydia are an attempt to ‘shut her up’ as she is demanding an inquiry into the safety of yet another of Big Pharma’s untested dodgy drugs – this one purportedly used to protect girls against the sexually transmitted human papillomavirus that reportedly causes 70% of cervical cancer tumours.

Chlamydia collapsed immediately after being given the jab at school and has spent nearly a year in hospital – suffering from Galloping Twatrot and a variety of other ailments including muscular paralysis and repeated seizures – and a compromised auto-immune system – all of which have now left her with brain damage and paranoid psychosis.

Mother, Mrs McScrunt, 26, is now consulting lawyers about taking action against pharmaceutical giant PoxoShitSlime for turning her daughter into a crippled basket case and wants a full investigation into the safety of their vaulted HPV superdrug – Kunt-Guard.

She is being supported by pro-bono lawyer Ms Sue Fleecem QC – a legal beagle for both the ‘Burn the Monarchy’ and the ‘Anarchy Rules’ radical political parties – who is launching a multi-million-pound class action suit on behalf of dozens of teenage girls in the UK who have suffered adverse affects after receiving PoxoShitSlime’s HPV Kunt-Guard vaccine – including Chlamydia.

The 13-year old from Smegamadale has been unable to walk unaided since having the jab last October and is an in-patient at the local NHS ScumMed Primary Care Trust hospital.

Tests have failed to find anything physically wrong so dumpty doctors – under the Big Pharma thumb for their junkets and Christmas perks – now claim Chlamydia is suffering from ‘learned illness’ behaviour and have called in social services.

A report from Smegmadale’s NHS office accuses Mrs McScrunt of fabricating Chlamydia’s illness and says: ‘Children’s Services recommend that Chlamydia becomes subject to a Child Protection Plan under the criteria of emotional harm as she is being coerced by her mother to sue our mates at the PoxoShitSlime corporation.’

However Mrs McScrunt told a reporter from the ‘Happy Hysterectomy Gazette’ the ‘emotional harm’ accusation is nothing more than an attempt to gag her and halt the campaign to publicize her daughter’s plight and warn other parents about the dodgy vaccine’s deadly toxic side effects.

Ms. McScrunt concluded ‘At first, they tried to tell us Chlamydia was imagining it. They even suggested I may have Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy. They have now told me Chlamydia is to be placed on the at-risk register, and that I’m abusing her mentally and emotionally by publicising the fact that the PoxoShitSlime Pharmaceutical Corporation have poisoned my daughter with all the crap aluminium, mercury and squalene they put in their dodgy Kunt-Guard vaccine.”

“I refuse to let their threats silence us – so let them take Chylamdia into care – I’ll still sue them – they’ll have to Grassy Knoll me to shut me up now – or do a David Kelly act and stuff my guts full of Co-Proxamol then slash my wrists with a blunt penknife to hide the Dextroprypoxythene injections – scumbag bastards.’

The Kunt-Guard HPV school vaccination programme followed clinical trials in 2005 on more than 18,000 girls around the Third World – all under the age of 16 – and 90% of whom are now either dead or suffering paralysis alike Chylamdia .

As of last night no one was available at Scumborough Council’s social services Bully Squad to comment on the case but both PoxoShitSlime and Whitehall’s Department of Ill- Health stated there was no ‘solid’ evidence that the vaccine carried any side effects – any more so than drinking Monsanto’s Special Sunny D’ GM orange drink – the one with the aspartame-boosted organic nano-particles and the taste of ‘real oranges’ (whatever they are) – that often caused nausea, muscle weakness, dizziness, severe headaches, blurred vision and the loss of feeling in parts of their body – especially when used as a mixer with multiple shots of meth’s or Kinky Cossack vodka.

More about PoxoShitSlime’s Kunt-Guard HPV anti-cervical cancer vaccine from the corporation’s spokeswoman Dr. Fellattia Weaselberg :
“More than 1 in 10 doses (say 9) may cause pain, redness and swelling at the injection site, headache, aching muscles and muscle weakness, and perhaps epileptic seizures – nothing to worry about – these symptoms should disappear naturally after a few weeks.”

”More than 1 in 100 doses (99?) may cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, abdominal pain, acute vaginal itching, red skin rash, hives, joint pain, high fever and paranoid delusions – once again – just transitory side effects.”

”More than 1 in 1000 doses (998?) may cause upper respiratory tract infection, dizziness, a hard lump at the injection site – usually called a tumour – and vaginal tingling or numbness depending on just how lucky you are.”

“If the side-effects get serious or you develop symptoms not mentioned in this leaflet, tell your doctor – or alternatively seek the advice of a registered undertaker.”

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via

1 thought on “GlaxoSmithKline “Not” Intimidating HPV Shot Victims

  1. So what you’re saying is that the information is all out there, and that consumers are still deciding that the benefit outweighs the risk. That seems pretty reasonable to me.

    Out of 29.5 million, 16,140 complaints have been registered. That’s about 1/2 of 1%. Of those, 92% were non-serious. Of the 44/1,000ths of percent that resulted in a “serious” issue, none were found to be statistically different from those who didn’t get them. You know, the whole thing about correlation not equating to causation.

    It’s all here:

    You know, science.

    Meanwhile, 1 in 3 will die if she gets cervical cancer, and that’s about 4,000 US women every year.

    You see the benefits here, right?

    I don’t doubt your sincerity, but the anti-vaccine crowd’s dangerous, sub-scientific, campaign of forsaking children has cost lives and created a very real threat to public safety.

    And just for fun, can you tell me why the vaccine is “disgusting”?

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