Author: Reidicule
Elle Magazine’s February Cover to Feature X-Ray of Mindy Kaling’s Skeleton
NEW YORK — Elle Magazine recently unveiled its February cover, which features an X-ray photograph of Mindy Kaling’s skeleton. According to professional photography critic Gilroy Franscesco, “This cover is so magnificent and tastefully done that words simply cannot describe. That’s…
Skrillex Weighs In On Iran Situation: “Wurrrrgraawwwwllllwicketyreeeeeoowwwr”
LOS ANGELES — Asked his opinion on whether or not the U.S. lifting specific sanctions on Iran in exchange for Iran’s cooperation in partially halting their nuclear program was a prudent decision, dubstep artist Skrillex weighed in, telling reporters, “WURRRRGRAAWWWWLLLLWICKETYREEEE-EOOWWWRR.”
Ron Burgundy Makes Hilarious Promotional Appearance at Local Man’s Funeral
BISMARCK, N.D. — In character as the “Anchorman” franchise’s Ron Burgundy, Will Ferrell made an objectively hilarious promotional appearance at a local Bismarck man’s funeral yesterday afternoon, the bereaved report. The funeral, which was originally intended to honor the memory…
WWII-Era Sub Found At 7-Eleven
O’AHU, HAWAII — Researchers in Hawaii have uncovered a World War II-era submarine sandwich inside the island’s only 7-Eleven store location. The sub, known in the early 1940s as a “Spam-n-Depression Special” is made up of mostly Spam, lettuce and…
Grandpa Oblivious That Unformed Bill of Baseball Cap Definitely Upping His Steez
FINDLAY, OHIO — Local 91 Year Old Alfred Wintacki remains oblivious to the fact that the unformed, flat bill of his Cleveland Indians snapback baseball cap is definitely upping his level of steez, several of his great-grandchildren confirmed yesterday.
Kayak.com Now Offering Tropical Vacations to North Pole
NP-40 DRIFTING ICE STATION, NORTH POLE — Travel-discount website Kayak.com recently launched a new promotional package featuring an all-inclusive, tropical vacation to the North Pole, sources report. According to the website’s homepage, the promotional package offers a six day, five…
Abusive Boyfriend Proposes With “Conflict-Free” Diamond to Show He Has Sense of Humor, Too
MADISON, W. VA. — Local 24 Year Old Jeffrey Kiln recently proposed to Ashley Brenevaldi with a certified “conflict-free” diamond ring in an effort to show that, in addition to his constant physically, mentally and emotionally abusive behavior toward his…
NFL Attempts to Curb Concussions By Mounting 11-Inch Steel Spike to Front of Every Helmet
NEW YORK — In an effort to cut down on the growing number of concussions suffered by players, the National Football League has announced plans to adopt a new, official helmet design that will feature an 11-inch steel spike mounted…
Concert Venues Legally Required to Have Separate Restrooms for Trans-Siberian Orchestra
PHILADELPHIA — Mayor Michael Nutter recently signed into law a piece of legislation requiring all concert venues within the Greater Philadelphia Area to provide separate restrooms for members of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, sources report.
Americans With “Too-Sh**ty-To-Buy” Healthcare Plans Somehow Outraged Rather Than Embarrassed
NEWARK, N.J.– The majority of Americans who have received letters notifying them that their healthcare plans are now legally considered too shitty for insurance companies to sell to citizens of a first-world nation are somehow feeling “anger” instead of the…