Author: P. Beckert
Top Ten Things that Will Happen on Groundhog Day
It’s a merry, storied tradition in Punxsatawney, PA, one that goes back 123 years (including leap years). Lore has it that if Punxsatawney Phil sees his shadow, he predicts six more weeks of winter. Phil has rarely been wrong, or…
Glenn Beck Saves TheBlaze by Not Offering Sarah Palin Job
God knows I love her, but we can’t have that kinda crazy around here ~ Glenn Beck Glenn Beck says that when he heard Sarah Palin was leaving Fox News, he couldn’t have been happier. “Now she will make something…
Heavy Sigh as Obesity Vaccine Wins FDA Approval
Fast Food Restaurants Go Ahead With Even More Bacon Options in Kids Meals Washington, DC – The Food and Drug Administration has given final approval on a vaccine that, when administered at a young age, will allow children to eat…
From COPS to Pot Farmers: How Reality TV Has Done a 360
Everyone who is a fan of reality television knows that COPS is credited with being the first reality-based show on television. A staple on Saturday nights, COPS ruled the roost in reality television for several decades on Fox before being…
“Gun Bubble Imminent” Claims Financial Wizard
E. Edmund Worthington, a foremost prognosticator in the world of weapons pricing, is warning potential gun buyers to save their cash and quit buying guns. “The prices are way too high now folks,” said Worthington in a voice resembling a…
Honey Boo Boo Ups Salary Demand to Include Twinkies Bonus
Alana Thompson, the child star of the reality hit (by the lowest standards possible) series Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was told on Friday that her favorite snack food, Twinkies, were no longer going to be sold in stores and…
Poll Results Indicate Dick Cheney More Evil than Vlad the Impaler
A recent poll asked participants to name who they thought was the most evil person in history. The results, while not entirely surprising, did say a lot about just how unlikeable Dick Cheney has become over the years. What was…
11 New Slogans for the Mitt Romney Campaign
The Romney campaign has been struggling to find their “bumper-sticker” moment, but they’ve been working hard towards that end. What follows is ten of their best new slogans for this 2012 election. Here’s hoping Romney wins, am I right? Top…
Chick-fil-A Manager Hugs Customer Inappropriately
Raleigh, NC – Dennis Mitchell of Raleigh, NC claims he knew nothing about the controversy surrounding Chick-fil-A when he walked into a local store to purchase an order of chicken nuggets and a drink. “All of a sudden, here comes…
Ralph Lauren Apologizes to Mitt Romney for Chinese-Made Yarmulke
Ralph Lauren has found himself in another tight spot this weekend when it was revealed that the yarmulkes designed for Romney’s visit to Israel were also made in China. A quick apology was issued when news of the non-kosher yarmulkes…