Author: P. Beckert
Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics
Johnny B. Rotten, a writer who makes his living making fun of the people who make the world an interesting place to live, has officially been banned from covering the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Rotten is accused of illegal…
Rob Portman Takes Over Romney Campaign While Romney in London
The GOP has seized its chance to finally rid itself of Mitt Romney as their presumptive Presidential candidate. Just minutes after Romney’s plane was supposedly landing in London, GOP Chairman Reice Priebus announced on CNN that Ohio Senator Rob Portman…
Commoners Tell Romneys ‘Screw You and the Dressage Horse You Rode in On’
While the financially elite in London are said to be looking forward to showing Mitt and Ann Romney a jolly good time in London this week, the majority of ordinary Londoners would be just as happy to see the Romneys…
Rush Limbaugh Loses It
Claims Barack Obama is former member of Insane Clown Posse, and has pictures to back it up.
IRS Admits Culpability in Mitt Romney Tax Return Controversy
Rumors are circulating that the IRS is contemplating an audit of Mitt Romney’s tax returns for the years 2002 to present, a full 10 year’s worth of returns. A spokesperson for the IRS claims that Romney’s staunch refusal to provide…
Rahm Emanuel Skips Bohemian Grove to Attend Comic-Con
The world may, indeed, be coming to an end with news that Chicago Mayor, Rahm Emanuel, has decided this year to skip his annual trip to the secretive Bohemian Grove to attend Comic-Con 2012 in San Diego. “I couldn’t miss…
Republicans Not Sure Which Grover to Follow, Norquist or the Muppet
Republican lawmakers have been pretty gung ho these past couple years to sign the Taxpayer Protection Pledge penned by Conservative Lobbyist and smarmy ringleader, Grover Norquist. The pledge essentially requires a “no” vote on any tax increase, especially on the…
Goodbye BobZaguy…
CHICAGO, IL – EBBQ – Today GlossyNews lost one of its most faithful and cherished writers, Bob Rohden, aka BobZaguy. While I wish this were a roast instead of a eulogy, and I only knew Bobz (as I affectionately called…
“Penis Prologue” Heats Up War of the Sexes in Michigan
A hastily written script entitled the “Penis Prologue” is scheduled to be read by Michigan Speaker James Bolger on the Michigan State Capitol steps Friday before hundreds of male counter-protesters. The reading is in response to Rep. Lisa Brown’s performance…
Truck Spills Thousands of Gallons of Beer; Obama Declares Day of Mourning
VOLUSIA COUNTY, FL – A semi truck carrying thousands of gallons of beer overturned in Volusia County early Tuesday morning, spilling beer over the northbound lanes of I-95. Police say hundreds of cases of bottled beer were lost in one…