Author: Mike Kelly
Man Ponders Extra Device Chargers, Very Existence
Tonight I ran into a problem that maybe you have experienced in our current electronic age. After plugging in the cell phone, laptop, iPad, iPod, and Garmin GPS, I seem to have an extra charger with no device attached. How…
GlossyNews Staff Shocked By Layoff Notices
In a surprising development this morning layoff notices were delivered to the 45 employees of the company who work in the print division. This was an unexpected move coming so close on the heels of the recent tenth anniversary. Locked…
Yes Virginia, We’ll Protect Your Vagina
Planned Parenthood today issued a public announcement that they were no longer taking the continued attacks on their services lying down. In a coordinated effort with several law groups, a new service being offered is to legally incorporate your uterus….
Speaker Boehner Declares War On Women Over, Proposes Removal Of All Rights
In a move that is considered very ballsy for a man who cries every time someone mentions a bar, Congressional Speaker of the House John Boehner declared today that he was officially submitting legislation that would end the so called…
Shepard Smith to Leave FOX News Over Harassment?
Shepard Smith, long time Fox News Anchor and deeply closeted homosexual, announced today that he will be leaving the Republican broadcasting network at the end of his current contract. Sometimes considered the only voice of reason on the network, his…
Family Research Council: Maryland Lawyers, Prepare for Divorce Workload
In an email sent to several law firms in Maryland, the Family Research Council (FRC) advised that should the marriage equality referendum pass on November 6th, they will be overrun with requests for divorce from currently married men. This warning…
Ayn Rand Based Movie Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 – We All Shrugged
Today I spent my afternoon at the movies, if you can call them that. I had what can only be described as a hopefully forgetful afternoon viewing one of the most horrific movies that has come out this year, or…
Apple/Reddit Lawsuit: Biden Too Good for Kitty PrAwN$?
Apple today filed suit against the popular user community site Reddit over the use of a picture of Joe Biden during the vice-presidential debate. Apple believes that they were first to claim use of the image as the logo for…
Obama Debate Prep To Include Joe Biden: Heckler
As President Obama prepares for Tuesday’s debate with failed former Gov. Mitt Romney, a new twist has been added to the normal procedure. Vice-president Joe Biden will fill-in as his opponent for the practice sessions, laughing and heckling incessantly. President…
Red Bull Skydiving Stunt Ends In Tragedy
Today over the desert of New Mexico, a stunt sponsored by the Red Bull energy drink company ended in tragedy. The attempt to set the highest skydive by a human went terribly wrong when skydiver Felix Baumgartner mistakenly launched his…