Make America Gag Again

Atlanta (AP) Just when the Trump Administration thought things could not get any worse, the Center for Disease Control released a report on the dramatic increase of Non-Covid19, related Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome (CVS20), that has ravaged sixty-five percent of the country (thirty-five percent are apparently immune.) The source of the outbreak (i.e., “Patient Zero” has been traced to the White House–specifically the Trump Twitter Feed as well as mainstream media coverage of the President. The situation has rapidly escalated into a major health crisis and the CDC is encouraging citizens who are not immune to avoid Trump-related social media, newspapers, broadcast news programming, campaign promotional materials and under no circumstances should they use bleach or other disinfectants to distort their vision or impair hearing as potential home remedies. The Center also observed that as long as non-immunized individuals limited their media exposure to less than ten minutes at a time and carried a bible (preferably upside down) the chances of remaining healthy were quite good.  But, it also cautioned that if you don’t want to vomit on those around you should practice responsible social distancing in the event you have become exposed. If in fact one does succumb to CVS20 make sure you drink lots of liquids, get plenty of bed rest and isolate through binge streaming all four seasons (97 episodes) of Doogie Howser, M.D.

In a related matter, the conservative anti-Trump Lincoln project (headed by George Conway, et al.) seizing upon what they think is an excellent opportunity, have developed an attack ad that focuses on a “new” MAGA (Make America Gag Again) themed 60-second spot that features spokespeople like Michael Moore, Nancy Pelosi, Spike Lee, Pope Francis and Stormy Daniels regurgitating in different settings. The tag line states “…tired of puking your guts out in public? Be a responsible citizen and limit your exposure to the venom spewed by the most racist, ignorant, incompetent, narcissistic moron to ever occupy the Oval Office.” The commercial also promotes the new MAGA hat (with stylized barfing logo) for $7.99, plus shipping and handling. Asked to comment, White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway said, “this is just more blah, blah, blah from my loser, vindictive husband and his stupid cronies. They really messed up this time though, because the President has them dead to rights on trademark infringement–better lawyer up boys!” 

Author: Lew Tuck

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