Author: Laurence Brown
God Apologizes to Florida: Storm Debby Actually Intended for New Orleans
NEW ORLEANS, LA – As Storm Debby battered the state of Florida Monday, His Lordship Almighty God apologized profusely to the Sunshine State, after admitting that the tropical storm – which has caused widespread flooding in Tampa, Tallahassee and Jacksonville…
State of Indiana to Introduce Bus
INDIANAPOLIS – Following months of tireless debate, officials in Indiana have announced plans to introduce a workable and comprehensive bus. Enduring decades without a recognizable public transportation system, many in the Hoosier State – particularly those living outside of Indianapolis…
Employee of the Month Won’t Shut Up About It
INDIANAPOLIS – Having won the ‘Employee of the Month’ award for October, Mulgrove Computer Services agent Matthew Wilcox just will not shut the hell up about it. The 43-year-old customer service agent, who won the award for “highest attainment of…
It’ll Take More Than A Lousy Thunderstorm to Stop Man Making Stupid Decision to Go Walking During A Thunderstorm
INDIANAPOLIS – Not content to just sit at home, local man Brian Caskey insists it’ll take more than this lousy-ass thunderstorm to prevent him from making the stupid and highly irresponsible decision to go walking during a thunderstorm. Heading out…
Hummer Totally on Guy’s Ass for, Like, the Last 2 Miles
CARMEL – According to reports from the driver’s side of a silver Buick Century, that damn Hummer has been on local man Jeff Foggerty’s ass for, like, at least the last 2 miles. Even though Foggerty is himself marginally over…
McDonald’s Launches Healthy Go-Eat-Elsewhere Option
Responding to ongoing criticism of its nutritional practices, fast food giant McDonald’s today announced its new healthy go-and-eat-somewhere-else option. From December 1st, select McDonald’s chains across the country will be offering several all-new disclaimers on its menu, including “you might…
Flood Warnings Issued After God Knocks Back 8 Cans of Miller Lite
INDIANAPOLIS – The national weather service has issued severe flood warnings across most of the Midwest ahead of this weekend, after His Lordship Almighty God went on a Friday night drinking binge. According to heavenly sources, God – hosting a…
Parents Hail Terrible High School Production of Hamlet a Pretty Neat Little Show
INDIANAPOLIS – Lacking the necessary analytical skills to objectively critique a work of theatre, parents of youngsters in a St Vincent High School production of Hamlet thought that the laborious, 3-hour show was pretty neat. Congratulating her son Ben on…
Sequester: Museum to Open for Just 5 Minutes a Week
INDIANAPOLIS – The Indianapolis Museum of Art (IMA) has announced plans to scale back its opening times, insisting that from August 1st it will only open to the public 5 minutes a week. According to museum CEO Maxwell L. Anderson,…
Cabbie Knows This One Shortcut That Will Get Local Man There in 2 to 45 Minutes
INDIANAPOLIS – Picking up local man Adrian Welles Thursday, experienced cab driver Eric McNichol professed to know this one shortcut that would get his passenger to the center of Indianapolis in around 2 to 45 minutes. Welles’ suggestion that “we…