Author: Laurence Brown
‘I’ve Worked Long and Hard to get Where I am Today’, Lies Attractive Business Woman
INDIANAPOLIS – Stunning local business woman Elizabeth Snowden today insisted that her successful career and blossoming lifestyle were the result of hard work and dogged persistence: a lie she has maintained now for over four years. Snowden, who is current…
Sweating Romney Can’t Stop Asking Advisers How He Did Out There
DENVER, CO – Following Wednesday’s opening presidential debate at the University of Denver, a sweating Mitt Romney would not stop asking advisers how he did. Nervously loosening his tie, the former Massachusetts governor stormed into campaign manager Matt Rhoades’ temporary…
Burger King, Dairy Queen Conclude Royal Tour of Man’s Intestines
FORT WAYNE – The ruling monarchs of the fast food industry, Burger King and Dairy Queen, concluded their recent tour of local man Patrick McMillan’s small intestine Thursday, ending a successful domestic engagement. The Royals were also treated to a…
Victory a Result of Man Shouting ‘Go Colts’ at TV
INDIANAPOLIS – The Indianapolis Colts secured a hard-earned victory against the Minnesota Vikings on Week 2 of the new NFL season Sunday, attributing their victory to local man Justin Thacker, who persistently yelled “go Colts” at his television screen throughout…
Andrew Luck Relishing Challenge of Outgrowing the Colts
INDIANAPOLIS – Speaking ahead of Sunday’s game against the Jacksonville Jaguars, prospective new quarterback Andrew Luck insisted he is really enjoying the challenge of following in the footsteps of Peyton Manning and to one day outgrow The Indianapolis Colts. Saying…
Angsty Northern Indiana ‘Wishes It Could Be As Pretty As The South’
FORT WAYNE, IN – In an apparent emotional outburst Saturday, the angsty northern half of Indiana lamented that it “was no way near as pretty as The South.” Assessing its many unsightly industrial towns, The North admitted it was jealous…
Romney On His Video Gaffe: ‘Obama Is Destroying This Nation’
WASHINGTON D.C. – Attempting to deflect growing criticism following a leaked video allegedly showing him alienating “47%” of the American electorate, Mitt Romney today addressed the issue, declaring: “Obama is ruining this great nation.” Mr. Romney came under fire Monday…
Report Finds Today Crappiest Day Since Forever
INDIANAPOLIS – A new report conducted by professors at Indiana University has found that today – Tuesday, September 25th, 2012 – has been, like, the crappiest day ever. It’s not gonna lie, continued the report, this has been one utterly…
Romney Reaches Out to the Nation’s Dead People
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move designed to kick-start his flagging presidential campaign Friday, Mitt Romney reached out to the nation’s dead people during a visit to a cemetery in the state of Virginia. Aiming to refocus his campaign after…
Hard-Up Filmmaker Frantically Writing Raunchy Muhammed Screenplay
YORKTOWN – Struggling to break into the film industry with a series of underfunded independent projects, local filmmaker Alan Friedrich was frantically writing a controversial screenplay Friday, depicting the Muslim prophet Muhammed as an alcoholic, homosexual gambler. Set to the…