Author: It's A Cat
With Tom Brady Suspension Looming, Patriots Introduce New QB
Foxborough, Massachusetts – Only hours after the NFL suspended two-time MVP quarterback, Tom Brady, for the first four games of the 2015 season, New England Patriots owner, Robert Kraft and head coach, Bill Belichick, announced the signing of the player…
Brains Donate NFL Players to Science
Chicago, Illinois – As the 2015 NFL draft is set to begin tonight at 8pm (est), the scientific community added to the excitement with a groundbreaking announcement last night that the brains of current and former NFL players, Michael Vick…
Decidophobic Man Unable to Dismiss Completed Calendar Task Involving Ex-Girlfriend
Wilbur, Kansas – 29-year-old Marketing Manager, Larry Rossgarden, has considered himself to be a procrastinator since his college days at the University of Kansas, where he would consistently delay writing papers and studying for exams until literally minutes before they…
New Dog Treat Introduced in Honor of Ghostbusters Reboot
St. Louis, Missouri – As the newest Ghostbusters film comes closer to fruition, more and more companies are releasing products that, in thought, will appeal to the everyday consumer who doubles as a Ghostbusterian. The latest household name to join…
Skier Gets Tongue Stuck on Ice Cube
Los Angeles, California – Hundreds of skiers, snowboarders and snow tubers celebrated the grand opening of Mount Thang, located in the eastern side of the city this past weekend. In addition to celebrating Los Angeles’ first snow sighting since a…
Kanye West is a Breadophile: Horrifying Truth Comes Out at the Grammys
Los Angeles, California – Underfilled baskets, uncooked breadsticks and inappropriate butterings. These were the truths revealed by rapper, Kanye West, this past Sunday at the 57th Annual Grammy Awards in the Staples Center. The man who crashed Taylor Swift’s award…
Tom Brady: “My Balls Were Deflated”
Milford, Connecticut – After weeks of controversy against Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots for whether they intentionally let air out of game balls, Tom Brady finally stepped forward in an interview on the Dan Patrick Show…
Did I Bake That? Jaleel White Reprises Role in Upcoming Sequel
Burbank, California – The Olive Garden is rising from the grave in the newest sitcom premiering in March on Fox from Executive Producer, Tyler Perry. The new show, Family Platters, is a sequel to the 90s hit, Family Matters, that…
Scott Stapp Forced to Sell Beloved Olive Garden Memorabilia
Orlando, Florida – Following a costly divorce, ongoing drug addiction and malicious hacker attacks to his bank accounts, Creed’s lead singer, Scott Stapp, who was once worth as much as 30 million dollars, is now flat broke and homeless. Stapp’s…
One Direction Alters Name in Honor of Extinct Restaurant Chain
New York City – “Olive Garden you light up my tummy like nobody else, The way your breadsticks are buttered gets me overwhelmed, When I’m docile and out of pounds it ain’t hard to tell, You don’t go, Oh, oh,…