Author: Fort Nag
AG Barr Tested By President on Shitter Laments- “1000 more Shits… and I’m f*cking through.”
“The President showed restraint immediately following the rare Shit from his AG, posting 79 additional Shit’s regarding open and active cases. He capped off his morning finger exercises with this Shit directed specifically at Barr.”
Explosive Internal Memos Detail Boeing’s Future Plans for the 737 MAX
“[B]ecause of the specific “side-effect” associated with the MCAS (Maneuvering Characteristics Augmentation System), I suggest we transfer production of the MAX to the SMS (Space and Missile Systems) Division and weaponized the asset, should regulators decide not to re-certify.”
Gwyneth Paltrow Announces Male Focused Goop Spin Off
BALLS IN THE ERROR- Are your balls lacking the sag and elasticity of your youth? This crème product has been infused with antioxidants (beta-carotene, vitamin C, and vitamin D) and secret Chinese ingredients to restore, plumpness, sheen, and dangle. Retail Price $109.00
National Weather Service Issues Rare Shitter Warning
Washington, DC- On Friday night, Louis W. Uccellini, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s Assistant Administrator for Weather Services(NOAAA for WS), and Director of the National Weather Service (NWS) issued a rare warning on Shitter, predicting heavy Virtual Shit Storms for all social media platforms on Saturday.
Senate Stunner: 100 Senators Recuse Themselves From Jury Duty In Trump’s Impeachment Trial
“I fell on the Brett Kavanaugh sword for this administration, and it has gained me nothing. My centrist image has been irreparably tarnished, and for the first time in my career, I feel very uncertain about my election prospects this year, and in the future. I’m done with these Culture Wars and purity tests. I’ll defer to the opinions of the Chief Justice and let him decide. I’m sitting this one out.”
Russian Collusion 2.0
President Trump just cannot help himself. Every time he gets into trouble, he turns to Putin. How many times can a President look to a foreign adversary to help with an election. 1 + 1 = 2 everytime.
BREAKING NEWS: White House Announces Ken Starr Will Lead Trump’s Fight Against Impeachment
Washington, DC- On Saturday, White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham announced that President Donald Trump has hired former Special Counsel Ken Starr to lead the administrations efforts against a Democrat led House Impeachment Inquiry. This news comes fresh off the…
Voters to Presidential Candidates: “Get Back to Work… You’re a Year Early!”
Everywhere, USA- Fresh of the heels of the first round of debates among Democratic Presidential hopefuls, and the “official” launch of President Donald Trumps re-election campaign, it appears the 2020 Presidential Campaign is in full swing. On the Democratic side,…
Senate Republicans Blame Dems for Failed Budget Negotiations with White House
Washington, DC- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) lashed out at Senate Democrats today, after his fellow Republicans failed to reach an agreement on a long term military funding bill with White House negotiators, resulting in a reported physical altercation…