Archive | December, 2015

And Quoth The Raven “Gimmee S’Mores.”

And Quoth The Raven “Gimmee S’Mores.”

And Quoth The Raven “Gimmee S’Mores.”

(With apologies to Edgar Allen Poe for this blatant ripoff of his famous poem)

Once upon a day bright and cheery, while I hiked a trail loved dearly
Gazing o’er cliff and valley, sagebrush green and rose hued stone- Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc0 Comments

4K Glossy News PODCAST 023 (12-28-15)

4K Glossy News PODCAST 023 (12-28-15)

Year End podcast, but it really it’s just as awesome as all of them.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the December 28th, 2015 4K/UHD Christmas podcast.

* How to deal with YouTube’s draconian copyright notice system, and when to just let it go. Continue Reading

Posted in Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

9/12/2001 – The  Days After Cheney Became President – Part 19

9/12/2001 – The Days After Cheney Became President – Part 19

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER CHENEY BECAME PRESIDENT
The Green Zone
Part 19

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – –

The bunker was hardly the Ritz. Lavish though, especially for a bunker. No view. Being underground one doesn’t really need windows. That didn’t matter, Cheney preferred the security it offered over any view it might have of this forbidding land. “Why does God always put oil in the most difficult of places?” he thought to himself. Continue Reading

Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Serious Commentary0 Comments

Republicans Vanish in Puffs of Smoke when called Evil

Republicans Vanish in Puffs of Smoke when called Evil

Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats are rejoicing after the Republican population has shrunk by nearly two thirds because its opponents have discovered a technique for making the conservatives literally disappear.

Hugh Bloomfeld, the technique’s originator, recalls his Eureka moment. “My right-wing sister dragged me to a Donald Trump speech,” he said, “and I remember hearing all this xenophobia and crass jingoism. Trump was demagoguing and pandering like a politician’s supposed to, but he was doing much worse than that.”

After the event, Bloomfeld went home and pondered what Trump and his supporters were saying. “Trump was, like, calling himself the best and hating on everyone else: everyone who wasn’t like him. And he wasn’t just hating with words. He was promising to annihilate everyone else, to crush and ruin them. Then it dawned on me. I thought, ‘Isn’t that just plain…evil?’”

Over Christmas dinner, Bloomfeld sat across from his conservative sister who was doomed to be the first victim of this revolutionary new weapon in the American culture war. “She was spouting the most awful bigotry,” Bloomfeld recalled, though tears. “She was blind to America’s many faults, heaping demonizations onto everyone else. It was so childishly narrow-minded, so nakedly callous and coarse and maniacal and egotistical and greedy and boorish and unfair and malicious and troglodytic and repulsive and inveterate and deranged and bellicose and obscene and hateful and cold-blooded and arrogant and narcissistic and immoral—I just broke down and said, ‘Stop it, Sally! You’re being evil.’”

Instantly, Sally Bloomfeld disappeared in a puff of smoke. “I couldn’t believe it at first,” said Hugh. “I thought it was some kind of twisted magic trick. But she was gone—just gone, like Rumpelstiltskin.”

News spread of Bloomfeld’s accidental discovery. While Bloomfeld hadn’t intended to send his hapless sister to some netherworld by calling her by her true name, liberals were quick to apply the technique in earnest. Entire Trump, Cruz, and other Tea Party rallies disappeared in billowing clouds of smoke, having been surrounded by liberals shouting “You’re evil!’ into megaphones.

Claire Feminista attended one such anti-Republican incursion. “Some libertarian crackpot was on the stage,” she reminisced. “Some social Darwinian who was saying the sick and the poor should be left to die because that’s what ‘The Market’ wants. And the Tea Partiers were cheering like they were drunk on rage. We closed in with our megaphones. One by one the offenders disappeared into thin air. You couldn’t see them through the fog. Some of the evil ones tried to flee, but we hunted them down with our megaphones and applied the bald truth to their faces. They vanished too. We left none unidentified.”

Mengyao Zyu, physicist at Caltech, led a team of researchers to study the phenomenon. Describing his experiment, Zyu said, “We wanted to see whether the Republicans are somehow transformed into smoke or the smoke merely signals that they’d been teleported somewhere by the utterance of the magic word.”

Zyu’s team lured Fox-watching Republicans to his laboratory by offering them memorabilia signed by their favourite right-wing demagogue. “They came in droves,” he said. “We called them evil and at first nothing happened. My colleague, Marcus Wannabanger, noticed that the Republicans were fixated on the memorabilia. He asked one of the test subjects, an old blue collar fellow, to look him in the eyes for a moment. ‘Did you know that you’re flat-out evil?’ he asked him. And the old man vanished on the spot. So we determined that if you want them to disappear, you have to look them in the eyes when you call them what they are.

“The smoke itself is mysterious,” he continued. “It issues forth in prodigious quantities. We had to clear the building after a mass truth-telling. We had a hundred subjects in there clamoring for Fiorina T-shirts, Sean Hannity pens, and George W. Bush mugs. We asked them to look at us and then we pointed out that their beliefs make them crazy evil. We were choking in the fog left by their departure from this plane of existence.”

The researchers went on to discover that because the abundant smoke nevertheless possesses less mass than the Republicans, the law of the conservation of mass dictates that the individuals aren’t turned into the smoke. “We don’t know where they go,” Zyu concedes. “What we do know is that many people are just glad they’re no longer here.”

When Republicans first learned of their vulnerability, many refused to believe it. Conservative pundits continued to appear on CNN and Fox News, defying their liberal counterparts to call them evil and maintaining that the rumor of their liability to be whisked away in such a fashion is a socialist conspiracy. Each of the true believers was never seen again. Curiously, Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck were impervious to the truth-telling. Eventually, they admitted they had been acting as performers all along and had been “in it just to sell books,” as O’Reilly put it.

Donald Trump’s departure was an epic event. “My polls are higher than ever before,” he boasted at his last rally. “I apologize for nothing!”

“Yeah, that’s because you’re a straight-up evil clown,” shouted Todd Donahue, a Democrat who had sneaked into the rally. Mr. Trump vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving behind his peculiar hair on the stage. Trump’s buildings themselves also disappeared, leaving gaping holes in the New York cityscape. One architect responded, “Glad they’re gone. They were monstrosities too.”

According to political scientists, the hardcore Republicans were incapable of surviving the intervention precisely because they were what people were finally saying they were. “They can’t apologize or change their ways,” said one. “They’re too macho and their pride’s on the line. They couldn’t see the truth for themselves because they lived in the Fox News bubble. They hated everyone but themselves, they couldn’t empathize, so they couldn’t even pick up a book written by someone with an opposite viewpoint.”

Bewildered by the loss of their conservative heroes, some Republicans went on rampages, shooting up liberal areas of the country before police could bring their new weapon to bear. The officers merely applied the E-word and saved their bullets as well as the city the cost of imprisoning those who were evidently evil.

Other Republicans opted for a more underhanded stratagem, pretending to have converted to the more modern, liberal perspective. Frank Tankman, a lifelong conservative, piled his collection of firearms onto his lawn and dynamited them. “See?” he shouted to liberal onlookers. “I don’t love guns anymore. I love people. Give me a baby to hold! Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. I love everyone equally. I’m one of you liberal do-gooders now.”

A child, Sarah Toddle, was the first to spy the machinegun tucked beneath his shirt. Sarah’s mother reported that her daughter tugged on her dress, pointed to the concealed gun and asked, “Is he still evil, mommy?”

“Only one way to find out,” Mrs. Toddle answered.

Asked why he was still carrying the flashy, over-killing firearm, Mr. Tankman answered, “Just for squirrels and varmints and such.” The crowd challenged him, accusing him of belonging to the same sort of death cult as the jihadist terrorists. “I don’t love death and destruction,” he hollered. “Well, maybe when the End Times come it will be pretty sweet. I mean, it will be just like in the movies: cities on fire, the godless masses on their knees, ravaged by demons.”

When Mr. Tankman began drooling in anticipation, Mrs. Toddle nodded at Sarah and encouraged her to call the man by his true name. “You’re an evil scallywag,” said Sarah to his face, drawing the appellation from her favourite picture book. Frank Tankman dematerialized, the smoke settling like fog in the twilight.

Democrats now easily win their elections in what remains a two-party system, but there are indications that the millions of eligible Americans who don’t vote expect the unrivalled Democrats to succumb to the temptation of forming a tyranny. “When that happens,” says one who is religious in his nonvoting, “we’ll be ready with the truth-telling E-word.”

Posted in Politics0 Comments

New Star Wars Film Spoilers! Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You!  Bwhaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!

New Star Wars Film Spoilers! Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You! Bwhaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa!

Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

The POWER that comes with being one of the first ones to see the new Star Wars movie!
It is like being showered with the Dark Side of the Force!!!!!!

Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

Yes, Hans Solo does come back in this new film- using a walker to get around. He finds the two new characters in his precious Millennium Falcon and yells out to them “Hey you kids! Get off my ship!” Then his dentures fall out and you can only hear him yelling in a voice that sounds as unintelligible as Chewbacca’s. Continue Reading

Posted in Entertainment, Talky Pictures0 Comments

4K Glossy News PODCAST 022 (12-22-15) – The Christmas Episode!

4K Glossy News PODCAST 022 (12-22-15) – The Christmas Episode!

It’s the first Christmas podcast, and I’ve pulled out all the stops and then some. Wow I must be crazy to post all this stuff, sheesh!

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the December 22nd, 2015 4K/UHD Christmas podcast. Continue Reading

Posted in Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Clinton & Bush Condemn Trump for Upstaging the Good Guys

Clinton & Bush Condemn Trump for Upstaging the Good Guys

The Clinton and Bush Dynasties have released a joint mutual solidarity statement condemning Trump’s recent (allegedly) divisive populist policies…

As exclusively revealed on Glossy News over the course of the past 48 hours.

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/201512160200/latest-populist-policies-carrying-trump-to-victory-12/ and

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/internet/201512170200/latest-populist-policies-carrying-trump-to-victory-22/

This typically balanced and dispassionate artefact of radical political performance theatre reads as follows: Continue Reading

Posted in Politics0 Comments

Clinton Email May Answer Question of Why She Stood by Bill

Clinton Email May Answer Question of Why She Stood by Bill

Hillary Clinton, long under investigation by Congress for her use of a private email account for government business, may wish that messages concerning the Benghazi inquiry are the only revelations that come out.

According to recently disclosed documents, emails indicate that it was more than three years after her husband, Bill Clinton, left office that she first realized what the term ‘oral sex’ meant. Continue Reading

Posted in Politics1 Comment

Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)

Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)

4. BAN STUPID MUSIC FROM CLUBS!!! 

Why can’t we just have the clubs play proper music that you can actually dance and sing to? Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, I mean, hell, even Creedence Clearwater Revival, just throwing that one out there!

I mean, I couldn’t care less, but we just have to do something! How much longer are the American people gonna have to put up with this?

You know what, you’re sick and tired of it, I’m sick and tired of it too. Let’s put an end to this and put a stop to all this pathetic, ridiculous music, once and for all! Freedom of speech doesn’t mean your stupid tunes have to be heard by just about everyone! That’s not what America is all about!

(Sheesh! That ‘freedom of speech demands accountability’ schtick sounded like a Clinton thing, right? Well, I’ve given money to Democrats too. You know, I’m not a dogmatic kinda guy!)

Continue Reading

Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (1/2)

Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (1/2)

The Trump is on a roll. For, as even George W Bush himself admits: ‘The unstoppable rise of Donald Trump looks pretty much unstoppable by now!’

But how has Trump managed to maintain momentum? Well, here are a few contentious and highly populist policies that have recently helped Trump gain even more headway against such widely renowned Notable-Public-Figures as Jeb Bush, John Kasich and Chris Christie.

1. BAN STUPID ANIMAL VIDEOS!!!

Everybody hates this crap, right? Donald Trump will make sure no-one, BUT NO-ONE ever tortures you with this crap again!

So, upon a first offence of filming a video of dancing rabbits or marginally intelligent guinea pigs, complete with infuriating sound effects, the punishment is as follows. Continue Reading

Posted in Entertainment, Politics0 Comments

Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

Putin’s Taking the Piss over Human Rights, but Let’s not Be Too Smug!

It turns out that the authoritarian Russian president, Vladimir Putin, has signed a law allowing Russia (or rather, the Russian state!) to avoid following rulings from international human rights courts…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/russia-human-rights-law_566fc6bbe4b011b83a6c7040

Making such rulings subject to the authority of the Constitutional Court of Russia.

In fairness, I’m sure the latter institution won’t be making any arbitrary decisions. I have no doubt the Russian judiciary is every bit as independent and impartial as it was under Brezhnev, or indeed some of the earlier leading lights of 20th century Russian constitutional democracy. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Hoo-Wee! You Should See The Conditions Disney Made For Making The New Star Wars Film!

Hoo-Wee! You Should See The Conditions Disney Made For Making The New Star Wars Film!

The independent expose website Wakileaks has gotten hold of the original contractual agreement the Disney Corporation demanded that Director Abrams agree to before filming the new, highly anticipated and already over hyped Star Wars movie. Wakileaks then leaked it out to us, the rabid Star Wars film fanatics who are waiting with baited breath and fanged teeth for its Dec. 18th release.

Highest on the list was there had to be a love story inherent in the plot; a device Disney has used ad nauseam since it began making feature length films in the forties (with the exception of Old Yeller, Tron, a couple of its cartoons and that Living Desert film from the ’60s.) Continue Reading

Posted in Talky Pictures0 Comments

4K Glossy News PODCAST 021 (12-14-15)

4K Glossy News PODCAST 021 (12-14-15)

Can you believe it’s already the 21st podcast? That’s almost enough to do a full day marathon!

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the December 14th, 2015 4K/UHD podcast and telethon.

* You know the animal statues on the roofs of old Chinese buildings?

* Part two of the incredibly fun and funny interview with Tim Jones from ViewFromTheBleachers.net.

* How to make holiday meals truly unforgettable for your guests, and it doesn’t involve an open bar.

* A review of the very funny British show “How to Start Your Own Country” starring Danny Wallace.

* A personal story about why we desperately need Single Payer Healthcare.

* A billion dollar business idea about the perfect backup generator for when the power goes out.

* The guy with a real life super power.

Listen to it



Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.

Watch it on YouTube



Follow me around the web:

iTunes (or search “Glossy News”)
Facebook.com/4KPodcast
Twitter – @4KPodcast
Reddit.com/r/GlossyPodcast
YouTube.com/glossynews
GlossyNews.com/podcast

Segment bumpers and background music by Greg the Hero. Royalty Free Music “Your Call,” “Perspectives,” “Odyssey,” “Sovereign Quarter,” “The Show Must be Go,” “Upbeat Forever,” “Disco Medusa,” and “Funkorama” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com. 4K/UHD Backgrounds by Amitai Angor AA VFX www.youtube.com/dvdangor2011.

Posted in Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Possible Excuses For A Policeman To Shoot A Black Kid In The Back 16 Times.

Possible Excuses For A Policeman To Shoot A Black Kid In The Back 16 Times.

“It was dark out and he was black. I was just shooting my gun off into the night for fun and he got in the way.”

“I can’t count beyond 3.”

“I got carpal tunnel from doing so much paperwork and it caused my finger to lock up on the trigger.”

“Oops! Forgot I wasn’t at target practice!” Continue Reading

Posted in Crooked Cops0 Comments

4K Glossy News PODCAST 020 (12-7-15)

4K Glossy News PODCAST 020 (12-7-15)

This is the rebroadcast of our hugely successful telethon. You won’t believe how much money we raised for charity, but watch it all the way to the end to see how we’re helping people and changing lives.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the December 7th, 2015 4K/UHD podcast and telethon. Continue Reading

Posted in Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

South African Rugby Team To Play US At American Football

South African Rugby Team To Play US At American Football

After disappointment at the Rugby World Cup 2015, which included arguably the most shocking defeat in the tournament’s history, team coach Heyneke Meyer yesterday confirmed that the Springbok will take a yearlong hiatus to pursue ‘other opportunities’.

Team captain Flourie du Preez later confirmed the news, adding that the team with be facing a US ‘All Star’ team at American Football in July 2016. Responding to journalists at a fundraising event in Pretoria he said, “I’ve always fancied playing quarter back and I could use the additional income, so why not?” Continue Reading

Posted in Sports, Sports Events0 Comments

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