Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (1/2)

The Trump is on a roll. For, as even George W Bush himself admits: ‘The unstoppable rise of Donald Trump looks pretty much unstoppable by now!’

But how has Trump managed to maintain momentum? Well, here are a few contentious and highly populist policies that have recently helped Trump gain even more headway against such widely renowned Notable-Public-Figures as Jeb Bush, John Kasich and Chris Christie.


Everybody hates this crap, right? Donald Trump will make sure no-one, BUT NO-ONE ever tortures you with this crap again!

So, upon a first offence of filming a video of dancing rabbits or marginally intelligent guinea pigs, complete with infuriating sound effects, the punishment is as follows.

You will be branded with a cattle iron, fed from a trough and made to live in a human zoo for the rest of your lives, so that people can point and laugh at you for the rest of your life.

On a second offence, you will be made into horsemeat.

And guess what? As a bonus, all these punishments ACTUALLY make perfectly sound economic sense! Your pitiful folly will benefit the agribusiness immensely.

Psst! By the way, the latter crucial entrepreneurial concern is currently under siege from hordes of greedy, unaccountable freeloader ‘small farmers,’ who are cynically blowing humongous, bleeding chunks out of the rightful profits of Big Farming.

So, there’s actually an upside to animal video merchants breaking the law; it actually does benefit the economy. Should we privatize all our law and order and make some kind of highly lucrative prison system? Hey, I’ve literally no idea, just throwing that one out there!

OK, we’re agreed! Don’t get me wrong, if you guys break the law and start causing trouble for law and order, you’re total assholes! But at least your folly will end up in a highly lucrative investment to assist further development of the incarceration-industrial complex.


If One Direction, the Backstreet Boys or Take That ever set foot on American soil, they will be sent to Guantanamo bay immediately.

A notable Austrian School intellectual has added that this should also apply to former members of Westlife, because as the notorious example of JFK infallibly proves, you can never trust an Irishman.

Well, The Trump disagrees. I don’t like people coming out with divisive crap about this or that. My opponents are doing that to me all the time! I mean, I think even the Austrian School of Goldbuggery are too much hung up on facts and figures to really grasp the intuitive, heartsome spirit of the thing.

And as for people who express an arbitrary, terroristic, and unpatriotic preference for Phil Collins over Peter Gabriel, or Roger Waters over David Gilmour…

Well, there is LITERALLY NOTHING in the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America that remotely condones or justifies that crap! The Trump has spoken.


… Trump says it’s nothing personal.
Well, it never is, is it!


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