Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)

4. BAN STUPID MUSIC FROM CLUBS!!! 

Why can’t we just have the clubs play proper music that you can actually dance and sing to? Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, I mean, hell, even Creedence Clearwater Revival, just throwing that one out there!

I mean, I couldn’t care less, but we just have to do something! How much longer are the American people gonna have to put up with this?

You know what, you’re sick and tired of it, I’m sick and tired of it too. Let’s put an end to this and put a stop to all this pathetic, ridiculous music, once and for all! Freedom of speech doesn’t mean your stupid tunes have to be heard by just about everyone! That’s not what America is all about!

(Sheesh! That ‘freedom of speech demands accountability’ schtick sounded like a Clinton thing, right? Well, I’ve given money to Democrats too. You know, I’m not a dogmatic kinda guy!)

5. BUZZFEED HAVE TO <PROPERLY> UP THEIR GAME, OR I CONFISCATE <EVERY LAST PENNY> OF THEIR ASSETS, ONCE AND FOR ALL. NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!

Oh, for the love of Trump! Would you just look at these stupid, STUPID GIFs and headlines…

 Ten ways you know you’re a California hipster…

You know you’re a hipster from California when…

Ten things you didn’t know about California hipsters…

I don’t care! I JUST DON’T CARE!

6. MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL: PRETENTIOUS JERKS ON YOUTUBE!

 Anyone who says ’Twilight Saga brought me here,’ ’50 Shades of Grey brought me here,’ ‘Enid Blyton’s Noddy and, ya know, that frickin’ big ears Euroweenie elf of his brought me here…’

Well I’m just about done with this crap. NOBODY CARES, BUT YOU!

Well, we are tracking your EVERY move, and the moment you try pulling that stuff, whether you scream ‘groundbreaking hipster irony’ or not, there is one hell of a big-ass Predator drone heading your way.

And you know what? The Trump NEVER, EVER misses a shot!!!

Hm. It’s not over yet though. Join us next time to find out what the Dynasty Warriors have to say about the bright young upstart threatening to shatter the celestial harmony of the Romance of the Two Kingdoms…

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