Month: February 2015
Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”
President Obama is concerned at the harsh stigma attached to militants of the Islamic State. So he has some wise words for the more narrow-minded citizens, who take a merely partisan approach towards the Islamic State… Now let me say…
Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse
Las Vegas, NV—Christopher Nicholas Kratsas is not your typical Greek American. He comes from a long line of family members that desperately tried to embrace America by reversing Greek stereotypes. Unfortunately for the Kratsas family, this task was made more…
Finally, A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…
The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square. Really??!!!! Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form? Is the second great…
NAACP officially changes name
Baltimore, MD. — In an unexpected, yet timely move, the group formerly known as the NAACP have changed their name to the National Association for the Advancement of African-Americans or NAAAA. The first meeting of the new group, held yesterday,…
New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It
I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next guy, but a 1.5 mile race over dirt where the athlete’s cutoff age is three years old is probably not my cup of toffee. Promoters are shameless, predicting no shortage…
Lifeguard Sets Unprecedented Record
Boise, ID—Lifeguard Brian McKearney broke a YMCA lifeguarding record today. “I’m on top of the world,” he said while being carried away to the employee’s lounge on the shoulders of his fellow aquatic guardians. McKearney could be heard yelling over…
Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan
Melbourne born software Developer Mike Pearce has thwarted government plans to impose mandatory data retention for all Australian citizens by fundamentally changing the way the internet works. Australian PM, Tony Abbott is currently being accused of bullying the opposition and…
Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You
If there are two things Kentucky is famous for, and there is not, it’s Fried Chicken and the annual horse race watched, it is believed, by spectators. But once again the specter of steroids in sports has reared it’s ugly…
Sports Reporter Reports Equal Number of Teams Winning, Losing
According to latest sports reports, the number of teams winning this week was once again equal to the number of teams losing. The odds of the same number of teams winning as losing over the entirety of history is impossible…
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