Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

President Obama is concerned at the harsh stigma attached to militants of the Islamic State.

So he has some wise words for the more narrow-minded citizens, who take a merely partisan approach towards the Islamic State…

Now let me say this. The Islamic State, ISIS, ISIL, call it what you will (perhaps apart from the derogatory term “Daesh…”)

Yes, the Islamic State is a nation with whom we currently have some significant diplomatic obstacles, and breaks in the flow of communication. Read more Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”

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Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse

Las Vegas, NV—Christopher Nicholas Kratsas is not your typical Greek American. He comes from a long line of family members that desperately tried to embrace America by reversing Greek stereotypes.

Unfortunately for the Kratsas family, this task was made more difficult as they unintentionally brought something with them- other than a prominent unibrow- on their boat ride to Ellis Island in 1928.

The Kratsas family also brought a “κατάρα”, or curse, to America. No matter how hard they tried, the Kratsas family failed when attempting to succeed in “non” Greek professions. Read more Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse

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Finally, A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square.

Really??!!!!

Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form?
Is the second great Russian revolution finally taking form?

No. False alarm. Go ahead and go back to whatever you were doing. Nothing to see here. No fire. No bodies to see. Just another Putin backed big show of force and false support for his international messing with every other country on earth. Read more Finally, A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…

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NAACP officially changes name

Baltimore, MD. — In an unexpected, yet timely move, the group formerly known as the NAACP have changed their name to the National Association for the Advancement of African-Americans or NAAAA.

The first meeting of the new group, held yesterday, commenced with the new tradition of “Hail NAAAA.”

When reporters tried to reach out to the Obama administration to discuss this historic day, the president was only half interested. Read more NAACP officially changes name

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New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It

I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next guy, but a 1.5 mile race over dirt where the athlete’s cutoff age is three years old is probably not my cup of toffee.

Promoters are shameless, predicting no shortage of competitors for the top prize. As a parent, I’m disgusted, but for $800,000 I have to admit I’d consider it.

An email response from the mayor of Elmont, New York, where the race is being held, was as shameless as it was tone deaf. Read more New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It

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Lifeguard Sets Unprecedented Record

Boise, ID—Lifeguard Brian McKearney broke a YMCA lifeguarding record today.

“I’m on top of the world,” he said while being carried away to the employee’s lounge on the shoulders of his fellow aquatic guardians. McKearney could be heard yelling over the explosion of bursting Champaign corks, “Hasselhoff ain’t got nothing on me.” Read more Lifeguard Sets Unprecedented Record

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Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

Melbourne born software Developer Mike Pearce has thwarted government plans to impose mandatory data retention for all Australian citizens by fundamentally changing the way the internet works.

Australian PM, Tony Abbott is currently being accused of bullying the opposition and scaring the Australian people into submission with his new data retention plan.

The plan is being fiercely fought by Australia’s newest political superhero-to-the-people, Senator Scott Ludlam. Read more Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan

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