Month: February 2015
Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”
President Obama is concerned at the harsh stigma attached to militants of the Islamic State. So he has some wise words for the more narrow-minded citizens, who take a merely partisan approach towards the Islamic State… Now let me say…
Greek Son Attempts to Break Family’s Curse
Las Vegas, NV—Christopher Nicholas Kratsas is not your typical Greek American. He comes from a long line of family members that desperately tried to embrace America by reversing Greek stereotypes. Unfortunately for the Kratsas family, this task was made more…
Finally, A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…
The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square. Really??!!!! Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form? Is the second great…
NAACP officially changes name
Baltimore, MD. — In an unexpected, yet timely move, the group formerly known as the NAACP have changed their name to the National Association for the Advancement of African-Americans or NAAAA. The first meeting of the new group, held yesterday,…
New York Promoters to Race Left-Handed 3-Year-Olds, Televise It
I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next guy, but a 1.5 mile race over dirt where the athlete’s cutoff age is three years old is probably not my cup of toffee. Promoters are shameless, predicting no shortage…
Lifeguard Sets Unprecedented Record
Boise, ID—Lifeguard Brian McKearney broke a YMCA lifeguarding record today. “I’m on top of the world,” he said while being carried away to the employee’s lounge on the shoulders of his fellow aquatic guardians. McKearney could be heard yelling over…
Fappers Rejoice as Aussie Developer Shuts Down Proposed Data Retention Plan
Melbourne born software Developer Mike Pearce has thwarted government plans to impose mandatory data retention for all Australian citizens by fundamentally changing the way the internet works. Australian PM, Tony Abbott is currently being accused of bullying the opposition and…
Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You
If there are two things Kentucky is famous for, and there is not, it’s Fried Chicken and the annual horse race watched, it is believed, by spectators. But once again the specter of steroids in sports has reared it’s ugly…
Sports Reporter Reports Equal Number of Teams Winning, Losing
According to latest sports reports, the number of teams winning this week was once again equal to the number of teams losing. The odds of the same number of teams winning as losing over the entirety of history is impossible…
GlossyNews Scores Exclusive Interview w/ Vlad the Impaler Putin, Czar of Russia
Glossy News has been fortunate enough to be granted an interview with Vladimir Putin, the leader of Russia, a man very much in the news these days. It is not often that the Premier grants anyone from the West an…
GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (2/2)
Here we go again… and again… and AGAIN™… NaHum-ism National Humanitarianism, or NaHum-ism, is what happens when the petty, cruel, vicious, tearful, artificial boundaries that wantonly and cruelly constrain the human spirit are broken down and annihilated with an iron…
GOP/Dems: Post-Orwellian Dictionary of Humanitarian Imperialism (1/2)
Over here in Euroweenie land, they say about the Hitler-Stalin pact: “Les extrêmes se touchent.” …Or in Universal Anglo-Esperanto, to wit, the King James of Jesus, Rush Limbaugh, John Kerry and other notable figures (-ish): “Opposites meet.” So it’s only…
Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (2/2)
I’m going to list for you all the Tory politicians I admire and respect and who I think fully deserve to be UK PM… … … …
Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (1/2)
The Objective Media (!) has been slandering Wallace Runnymede for his Miliband/Labour-Leak article “bias.” What a dazzling array of Neo-New-Labour candidates…
Firing Squad, North Korea Satire Movie Both Ready to Shoot (Videos)
There are those who quake in their boots at the thought of upsetting sweaty North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. We are not among them. Thumbing our noses is the least of what we’re doing. Unlike “The Interview” ours will…
Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural
Paleontologists working in Southern France have discovered pictographs they estimate were placed around 10,000 B.C. The primitive drawings depict what appears to be two Neanderthal males copulating. Lead scientist Dr. Lance Hollingsworth said, “I usually don’t get involved in politics,…
How Coke’s New “FairLife” Super Milk is Made (Video)
Milk sales have fallen in recent years, so Coca-Cola has decided to get into the Moo Juice game. We go inside the factory to show you how they improved on perfection. More calcium and protein with less sugar and lactose…
Donald Trump’s Diary Released
“Trump filed the suit against Palm Beach County last week, claiming his history of conflict with Palm Beach International Airport has led officials to spitefully redirect air traffic over his historic Mar-a-Lago estate in south Florida.” – USA Today –…
How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend on Valentine’s Day
So you want to break up on Valentine’s Day? There isn’t any other day of the year more romantic to break up on than Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day, after all, celebrates St. Valentine, a priest who secretly married lovers in…
Colbert Has Quit, Now Jon Stewart Is Going- Soon We Shall Be Totally Abandoned.
The Apocalypse is close at hand. The signs of the times are showing themselves. I am sure that there is a verse in Revelations that says “…and verily all the good comedians will leave the scene and only darkness shall…
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