Boise, ID—Lifeguard Brian McKearney broke a YMCA lifeguarding record today.
“I’m on top of the world,” he said while being carried away to the employee’s lounge on the shoulders of his fellow aquatic guardians. McKearney could be heard yelling over the explosion of bursting Champaign corks, “Hasselhoff ain’t got nothing on me.”
And what was this extraordinary record McKearney set? Was it for the most water rescues in a month? Or was it for the most CPR administrations in a day?
No. Brian McKearney blew his lifeguard safety whistle 3,217 times in a single six hour shift. That equates to roughly nine whistle blows every minute.
“He was a man on fire. In all my years on the job, I’ve never seen anything like it,” said McKearney’s supervisor Jason Miro. “It’s like he could sense every six year olds intention to run before they even started running. Those kids didn’t stand a chance.”
Miro finished by saying, “What he did today was like a perfect game for a pitcher, except this is more difficult. I dare you to find me a major leaguer who can sit for 6 hours straight in an elevated chair in these weather conditions. Not gonna happen.” It should be noted that McKearney works at an indoor pool.
Just three days after the historic record was set, McKearney was stripped of his title when it was discovered that two of the biggest violators at the YMCA that day, the redheaded McKlusky twins who garnered 348 of McKearney’s whistles, were plants, as they are relatives of the disgraced lifeguard—also a redhead.