Posted in World News

Israel: Never mind the bleeding, it was cardiac arrest

According to Israeli authorities, 30-year-old Palestinian prisoner Arafat Jaradat died of cardiac arrest five days after being arrested on February 18, 2013. Because of doubts, however, I asked to interview the prison medical examiner who had listed the cause of…

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Posted in Crime Society

Let’s Make Welfare Drug-Free (It’s For the Children)

This is a point-counterpoint article presented by Brian K. White of GlossyNews.com and Dean Chambers of UnSkewedPolls.com. Should we make welfare drug-free? How do we do it? What are the costs on both sides of the equation? These are just…

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Posted in Television

Simon Cowell’s X Factor Reams Famous American Idols

What would have happened if Simon Cowell, the inspiration and chief executioner for the wildly popular X Factor show had been around to judge the big stars of American music before they became legends. Just how many of them would…

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Posted in Making Headlines

Ann Coulter Changes Affiliation, Will Now Be Proponent For Human Race

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Posted in Making Headlines

Lew’s Treasury Secretary Position Secured, Economy Not

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Posted in Making Headlines

Papa John’s Stock Plunges On News That Beef Is Main Course At Pope’s Friday Dinner

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Posted in Society

Local Grandma Thinks Rest of Family Should Know That Janice from 3 Doors Down Undergoing Bowel Operation

INDIANAPOLIS – Systematically phoning every adult member of her immediate family Monday, 91-year-old local grandma Eileen Calderwood thought that everyone should know that Janice from three doors down is going in for her bowel operation this Friday. Insisting that her…

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Posted in War Zone

Drones kill more people with fewer casualties

U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham, who is a member of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, revealed to a North Carolina Rotary Club last Thursday that CIA drones had achieved 4700 targeted assassinations (to use the Israeli term), mostly in the…

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Posted in Society

Piece of Folded Card Irreversibly Strengthens Bond Between Wife, Husband

INDIANAPOLIS – Sources reported Thursday that a single piece of folded card – the same paper stock used to package cereal and Lean Cuisine frozen meals -irreversibly strengthened the loving bond between local woman Nancy Hargis and her husband Matthew….

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Posted in Entertainment Television

Token Black Guy Resigns from Film Production

Citing disagreements with producers over his designated point of death in the runtime, a token black guy has left his latest film production. Reports suggest Marlon Tyrone broke with the production crew of “Attack of the Libertarian Zombies” after getting…

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Posted in Entertainment

Conductor Unveils “Reduced Fat Orchestra”

NEW YORK CITY – A conductor is drawing wide attention for his decision to present a “Reduced Fat Orchestra” to future audiences. Tomasso Fillipo Rivelli, 32, came to the conclusion after getting word that Congressman Paul Ryan’s “Path to Prosperity”…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Politics

Aliens Discover “Satire” through Articles on Obama–Mistake it for Hero Worship

Five thousand years into the future, an intelligent extra-terrestrial species called The Collective uncovered a solitary data storage chip amongst the rubble once known as Earth and took it back to their ship for examination. Though initially puzzled by the…

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Posted in Human Interest Sports

Local Angler Suddenly Better Than Long-time Fishing Buddies

Florida native and longtime saltwater angler, Clayton Moore, announced to friends this afternoon that, due to his recent purchase of a fly rod, he is now a better fisherman than they are. “I’ve suspected it for a while but when…

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Posted in Biz News Crime

NRA Takes Battle to New Level; Buys Death Star

The NRA has upped its political game with the acquisition of the Death Star made famous from the Star Wars movie franchise. Thought to have been totally destroyed following a second massive attack by impudent rebel forces in the third…

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Posted in Human Interest Society

How to Train Navy SEALS as a Stay-at-Home Parent

AUSTIN, TX—Are you a stay-at-home mom or dad? Do you have dreams of entering an elite division of the military like the U.S. Navy SEALS or the Green Berets but feel like you just don’t have the time to prepare?…

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Posted in Human Interest

State Mottos Change in Several States This Year to Attract Tourism

States are constantly re-inventing themselves this time of year, vying for tourist dollars. The better the state motto on license plates and brochures, the more interest they can garner, which translates into more visitors come spring and summer. Still, some…

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Posted in Human Interest

Pot and Bongo Fest Expected to Draw Huge Crowds

The First Annual Pot and Bongo Fest scheduled to be held this year is expected to draw huge crowds from all over the world. “Since this is the first festival in the country featuring legalized marijuana, we can’t put a…

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Posted in Technology World News

Israel Kicks Off Palestinian Space Program

An Exodus rocket launched three Israeli astronauts and 100 Palestinian refugees into orbit Wednesday, kicking off a ten-year mission to establish a permanent human colony on the surface of Mars. The rocket roared into mostly clear skies from the Gaza…

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Posted in Biz News

Monsanto seeks patent on child

Biotechnology giant Monsanto Corporation announced today that it is seeking a patent on one of its research employee’s children. “If the patent is granted,” said Monsanto attorney Seth “Kendall” Waxman”, “this organism cannot be used for further reproduction without Monsanto…

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Posted in Crime

The NRA to Use ‘Puppy Eyes’ to Win Favor In Public Debate

The NRA in its constant quest for keeping up a good image of itself, keeping guns in as many hands as possible, controlling the minds of the public and keeping a stranglehold on Congress has developed a new methodology for…

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