Tag Archive | "trump"

Trump Comes Clean on Golden Showers


“Honest to Gtrumpgoofyod, I thought those bitches peed gold!”

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President Trump Confined to White House, Refusing to take Revolving Door


Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.–After much legal wrangling, President-elect Donald Trump and his children, Ivanka, Eric and Donald Jr. divested themselves of their holdings in the Trump Organization and in Trump’s dozens of other companies so that they could carry out their duties as president and as top advisors without the taint of blatant conflicts of interest. But after their term in office, they found it impossible to physically leave the White House, because they refused to use any of the hundreds of revolving doors back to the private sector, these being the only doors leading out of the building. Read the full story

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Trump Shakes Things Up with Bold Cabinet Appointments


Donald Trump has wasted no time putting his signature on his new administration. In what some critics are calling a scarily bad case of Opposite Day, President-Elect Trump so far has chosen an Education Secretary who has never held any position in public education, a HUD Secretary with no previous experience dealing with public housing, a Secretary of State with no history in international diplomacy, and an EPA Head who believes climate change is a myth.

In a similarly bold fashion, Trump’s latest Cabinet appointments are sure to win praise from supporters hopeful that he will turn back the clock (to 1953) and destroy unnecessary, wasteful government programs like Obamacare, banking regulation, Social Security and the environment. Read the full story

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Who Needs Real News When Fake News Is Way More Fun! (It never stopped Fox News or Donald Trump!)


Fake News Fer Sale! Git Yer Fake News Right Here!

Suddenly fake news stories are the In Thing and do we have ‘em here for you!

Get in on the latest fad and power trip going- fake news stories! Amaze your friends! Harass your enemies! Embarrass your mom!
We have them for you here in all shapes and sizes. And all political, ethnic, social and gender variations.

Need a story to make Trump look like a hero- got ‘em right here for ya!

Need a tale that makes him look like a chump? Got that too. Read the full story

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Five Ways a Trump Presidency is Like Gilligan’s Island


Let me just say Richard Condon was wrong. The Manchurian Candidate is from Moscow and he ain’t brainwashed. Nothing about the recent election would make for a decently plausible political thriller or even proper parody. I know truth is stranger than fiction but damn!

There is an eerie symmetry in reality sometimes, parallels between two totally unrelated items that can’t be ignored.

So in the immortal words of Rod Serling, spinning in his grave like a top, presented for your consideration, meet Mr. Donald Trump, unlikely presidential candidate who found himself in the most powerful office in the world….somewhere, on Gilligan’s Island. Submitted for your approval, five ways a Trump presidency is like Gilligan’s Island.

1) A year ago the Trump candidacy was viewed as no more than a three hour tour.

2) Like the Howells, The Clintons seem to carry a lot more baggage than the rest of the castaways. Read the full story

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Everyone’s Entitled to Their Opinion, Right? (SPOILER: No, You Aren’t)


This post is inspired by a certain post-election viral tweet by Xannie Woodard, where she says:

Please stop telling people to respect others’ opinions. That’s for things like “I don’t like coffee” not for “I don’t like black people.

***

The whole Trump thing on choices or convictions kind of reminds me of people who say ‘everyone’s entitled to their opinion!’

So, if you think the earth is flat (or 6 000 years old!) or the world is controlled by 9 foot lizard men from outer space, then ‘I’m entitled to my opinion,’ so you shouldn’t challenge it! Read the full story

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Trump Taps Kanye West as Next Press Secretary


Read the full story

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4K Glossy News PODCAST 069 (11-14-16) The Post-Election Rundown


The election is over, Donald Trump won, and here’s what it all means.

I called it wrong. That’s the long and short of it, no two ways about it. The polls were within the margin of error, but all the analysts and pundits called it wrong and so did I.

I suspect this means pollsters will be given far less credibility in the next election or few, and earn far less money for their prognostications, and well they should.

I was wrong. The betting markets were wrong. The poll analysts were wrong. Welcome to a Trump presidency. Read the full story

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Frantic, Last Ditch Effort To Throw The Election- HACKED TRUMP EMAILS EXPOSED!!!!!!!


On the eve of the 2016 U.S. Presidential elections the notorious expose website Wakileaks has released thousands of hacked emails from Donald Trump’s private server. The exact source of the email leak has not been officially ascertained, but it is suspected that they originated from the tiny hermit kingdom of Bhutan which is known to have only one computer powered by 10 D batteries taped together. It is believed that the hermit Buddhist nation wants to throw the election over to the Hillary side.

Foremost amongst the emails are nude photo attachments of Melania Trump which the world news media, mostly men, have spent most of their time investigating. Of lesser interest to them are the coup plots against other sovereign nations, casino money laundering, shady business deals with the Russians and plans for building Alaskan gulags for registered Democrats.

Outstanding amongst the exposed emails are: Read the full story

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What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment


With the Election mercifully only hours away, the three major candidates (and one cameo candidate) are done putting the final touches on their respective Frankenstein campaigns. Using an unholy combination of satanic ritual coupled with classified NSA technology that hasn’t been leaked just yet, GlossyNews is pleased to reveal what each candidate is doing right this moment.

Gary Johnson–Libertarian:

1) Imagining there is a zero behind his poll numbers.

2) Revisiting his debate points and pretending he actually rated debating.

3) Regretting deleting all his porn.

4) Listening to Kaleo–“Way Down We Go” while he slowly rocks back and forth.

5) Applying for Canadian citizenship.

Hillary Clinton–Democrat:

1) Pondering how to gracefully never invite Beyonce and Jay Z to the White House. Read the full story

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Hey Hey Donald Hey! (With Apologies to Bill Frederick’s: Hey Hey LBJ!)


Hey Hey Donald Hey,
How many casinos did you lose today?
Gonna file for bankruptcy and lose your dollars now, oh, boy!
Donald Trump has eager hands to grab another bargain,
She runs off and tells the mob that Donald Trump is lying!
Hey Hey Donald Hey,
How many women did you lose today?
Gonna be a felon now and go to prison now, oh, boy!

Read the full story

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4K Glossy News PODCAST 066 (10-24-16)


The 4K/UHD podcast is back again with a whole new slew of stuff.

Here are just some of the topics covered in the the October 24th, 2016 edition.

* NO MORE election updates. I wanted to do more, but it’s so painfully obvious trump will lose, what’s the point?

* Video/Movie review… NOTHING because YouTube lets everyone steal my income from my React and Review videos. To hell with them… though Black Mirror season three is pretty awesome. Read the full story

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Trump is Right – Proof that the Election is Rigged


Donald Trump has alleged the 2016 presidential election has been rigged against him and that the only possible way he can lose will be because of fraud and collusion. As a noted investigative reporter, I felt it was my journalistic duty to check into these shocking allegations and uncover whether his claims could be substantiated. It turns out Donald Trump is correct. The election IS rigged against him. The proof is extensive and conclusive. Read the full story

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Muslims Report Stuff


At the second presidential debate, a Muslim member of the Town Hall audience asked Donald Trump what could be done to reduce the intense level of Islamophobia. Trump replied with what many Americans think is an outstanding solution to address these concerns and help Make America Safe Again: “We have to be sure that Muslims come in and report when they see something going on.”

What a brilliant idea. It appears Muslims by the thousands are embracing his advice – by taking to Twitter to report anything they witness in their Muslim community that seems suspicious. There’s even a Twitter hashtag they’ve created: #MuslimsReportStuff (honest!). Below are some tweets typical of what you’ll find there. Read the full story

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BREAKING NEWS: Woman Claims Trump Didn’t Grope Her


A woman from Broken Springs, Michigan has come forward to insist that Donald Trump has not groped her, despite many opportunities to do so. Allison McGregor, a 47-year-old housekeeper who used to work at Trump’s Mar-o Lago hotel/resort in Florida, told Fox News today that the real estate broker used to visit the hotel at least once a week and on exactly zero occasions did he sexually assault her. Read the full story

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Casino King Donald Trump Would Ban Online Casinos as President for ‘Not Being Classy Enough’


Millionaire Donald J. Trump may have come from humble beginnings as the son of a wealthy real estate tycoon, but he made his name as a brash and powerful casino magnate. But if there’s one thing he can’t abide, especially as president, it’s anyone else cutting into what he consider his business.

At a rally held in a California middle school gymnasium, he told the crowd of awestruck students that, “Casinos are supposed to be classy, am I right? I’m right folks, you know that, everybody does. But how can something be classy if it’s on the internet? That makes no sense.”

The press corps was made up entirely of bloggers from Breitbart, National Review Online, FrontPage and a single student from the school newspaper who managed to avoid having his phone confiscated before entering the almost-entirely empty multi-purpose room where lunch is also served, in this instance at the same time.

“Casinos are a place where you go to have a great time. You’ll learn about that,” said the presidential hopeful. “Ask your parents, they’ll tell you about it, it’s fantastic.”

Trump is well known for building what he calls, “the biggest, grandest, classiest casinos, they’re truly terrific, you wouldn’t even believe it, believe me,” adding, “No, I’m serious, ask anyone. Well, high-rollers. Ask high-rollers and they’ll tell you what a real casino is supposed to be like, it’s superlative.”

When a reporter later asked to clarify if he actually meant “superlative” or if he was just intending to use on at that point, he was grabbed by the neck by security, escorted off the premises and arrested for transporting home-grown tree fruit into California without declaring it. No charges have been filed.

When reached for comment, a spokesman for industry leader Casino Pokies Online said only that he doesn’t know what we’re talking about, who we are, that he “doesn’t have time for this,” and added that, no, I may not quote him. Advice I promised to consider, but not heed.

The aspirational leader of the free world explained to teachers and athletic directors present that “online casinos don’t have showgirls, they don’t have complimentary drinks or show tickets to Gallagher, The Rockettes, or Amy Schumer’s sister. Whatever her name is, people say she’s great, I hear it all the time.”

Industry experts have suggested that the real reason Donald Trump would ban online casinos is that, since he’s perpetually teetering on the brink of bankruptcy, this could push him over that cliff yet again, and that insolvency prior to the election could increase his chances of “getting his ass whupped by a girl.”

Others have suggested that since online gaming is more fun and more accessible than going to an inconvenient and needlessly expensive casino, people might choose to skip his silly monuments to man’s hubris altogether.

Jerry Fenson, a welder from Poughkeepsie, New York, explained that, “When I play from home, I can actually win. If I have to pay to go to one of his casinos, I have to win a thousand dollars just to break even after the cost of the room and travel. It’s literally impossible to beat the house in Atlantic City, and that’s assuming I don’t get mugged outside, which is a very big assumption.”

Donald Trump expects to give his acceptance speech on November 8th in a private ceremony to his closest friends and family members shortly after delivering his official concession speech.

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