Tag Archive | "Tories"

Who are the Real Individualists in UK Politics?


The ‘economic individualism/economic collectivism’ dichotomy is so idiotic, I wish it could be binned, preferably along with those who propagate it.

Welfare and the NHS, designed to relieve and alleviate the suffering of real people, rather than of meaningless abstractions, are much less ‘collectivist’ concerns than the Tory veneration of ‘the economy’ and ‘the national interest.’ Read the full story

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Theresa May to Rename Conservative Party ‘National-Socialist Party’


After her recent ‘success’ with the notorious Snooper’s Charter, Theresa ‘Jihadi Tess’ May is now planning to conduct yet another Cameroneque image change for her right-wing party, the Conservatives.

One anonymous source close to the eagle’s mouth tells me: Read the full story

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Radical Marxist Ideologue IDS Threatens to Smash the ‘Bourgeois Treasury’


Radical moderate-political-Tory-ist and overgrown Trotskyite hooligan Iain Duncan Smith has finally rediscovered his radical roots. Frustrated with the petit-bourgeois false consciousness of the ideologically conditioned intellectuals (i.e. recent graduates!) in the civil service, he has threatened to smash, uh, ‘break up’ the Treasury. Read the full story

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Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy!)


You ever wonder what your politicians get up to when your back is turned? Don’t be on edge any longer! These hard-working, rugged, men of the people always have their eye out for a new opportunity, and they never say no to an expedient and enticing opportunity for engaging more intimately with their beloved constituents and members.

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The Wet-Dream Team: Having Great Britain’s Back and Making England Big Again!

Scameron Bliss

Foxy Liam

Major League Johnny

Gorgeous Gideon

Haguey-Bums 29 Read the full story

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A3 Song Parody: Torybums Said


The original song by A3 quotes texts which have made available by the Jonestown Foundation. Jim Jones was a fanatic. It’s also fanatical to gut welfare when so much money is wasted on pointless vanity projects. Next time UK elects a Prime Minister, hopefully it will be a government with more character.
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Pray don’t ever say we are your enemies. My noble benevolence has practically caused me to just get you destroyed. If I had squeezed you a little more, just a little bit more, we would have had a little less trouble.

Yes, you have a social conscience. Idealism! But don’t say ‘Dearest Tory-bums is my enemy!’ Eh? What’s that, oh do calm down, darling. Hearken unto me, chicken: ‘Greed is my enemy and I’ve got to fight for liberty day and night!’ And, ‘what else is death, other than liberty’ is the line. Liberty is the only way?

UTTER PIGGY-POO! FIDDLESTICKS, OLD BEAN! William Tyndale died for his liberty! Emmeline Pankhurst died for her liberty! The pleb scum of Wat Tyler died roaring about balderdash the rustic filth just couldn’t understand, and they never even stood their ground! Hacked down by the sword! Read the full story

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Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (1/2)


Iain Duncan Smith has recently shed some Blair tears over disabled people in the UK.

However, believe it or not, most disabled people have been so arrogant and ungrateful as to repudiate his compassionate conservatism!

You know, for too long, the dysgenic community in the UK has been neglected by our government.

Let us never forget that in addition to perfectly normal, non-disabled people, there are also some Untermenschen among us, and this is simply too important to ignore.

No, it is absolutely unacceptable that we should merely leave the dysgenic community and its various individual integral synthetic components alone. Read the full story

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American Philanthropists Resent Vilification of 80s Tory Leader


Wallace Runnymede is currently being persecuted by the malign and conspiratorial forces of international global justice, for his tiresome, lamentable screed on NewsBiscuit:

http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=93562

Estate of Unnamed 80s Tory Leader Arranges ‘Racist Wildebeest’ Superinjunction.

This headline has nothing whatsoever to do with pro-apartheid South African wildlife, in case you were wondering.

In fact, it has nothing whatsoever to do with former Tory leaders, the estates of former Tory leaders, wildebeest, racist wildebeest, racism, racists, authoritarian political systems in postcolonial Africa (South Africa or otherwise), or the funny little hoof marks outside the ‘dogging’ station at Number 10. Read the full story

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Section 28ers Suffer Backdoor Infiltration: ‘Trot Entryist’ Conspiracy!!!


The gay-bashing sub-Bullington-Boys caucus, the UK’s hetero-supremacist Section 28 caucus, have found themselves in a sticky situation.

But this time, it isn’t because a handful of London cabinet ministers and active participants in the scandalous London culture of sexual politics, um, sexual regulation, have suddenly capriciously withdrawn and left the Section 28ers high and dry!

You know, in order to pursue new acts of conquest, and joyously penetrate fresh new virgin territories…

So as to cheaply exploit the material and spiritual resources of their complicit and unprincipled compradors and Patsies, um, patsies in a measurably fullthroated and hearty manner. Read the full story

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Glossy News Soccer, um, FOOTBALL Round-up! (2/2)


Football Legend

Self-styled, very much self-stylish, and scandalously glossy-cape-porting Caliph Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi has made thinking about football, dreaming about football, or otherwise being remotely aware of the historical existence of football, an unforgivable and inexcusable hate crime against The Greater Good.

Back of the Old Onion Swag

And on a completely unrelated note to the latter tyrannical and highly bureaucratic measure, the UK Government have passed a new benevolently-Tory-paternalistic motion. Read the full story

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Theresa May: ‘Win the Hearts of Moderate Homosexual Community’


Apparently, because Theresa May is from the Conservative Party, she has the dispiriting responsibility of reluctantly assimilating individuals in a rather more blunt and crude way than Labour or Lib Dems.

So she has sworn to “engage with the moderate homosexual community,” in order to ensure that gay people do not cause any more “chaos, subversion and aesthetic terrorism.”

As a Conservative, I have no problem acknowledging that the gay community is a very legitimate one, which actually does have a right to exist, to pay taxes, and not have an illegitimate suspension of habeas corpus inflicted on them. Read the full story

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Fox News Forge Anti-Labour Party Screed (1/2)


Fox News has recently directed an audacious and highly compassionate act of humanitarian interventionism towards the UK.

Yes; they have tried to (further?) discredit the Labour Party by concocting a document by Harold Wilson that appears to demonize his own party.

At first I thought they were attempting to deal the final coup-de-grace to an ailing social-democratic party that was not sufficiently politically correct for the Fox party line.

But then I realise that I had merely ended inadvertently concocting yet another far-left liberal media conspiracy theory. Actually, they were just being “fair and balanced.” Read the full story

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Prime Minister Disraeli: 7 Hilariously Cutting Putdowns


1. Civilization and Savage Witticisms

Benjamin Disraeli, the English Frankie Boyle, is quite possibly the most aristocratically flamboyant and cutting Prime Minister in UK history. With perfect comic timing, he sliced through the pompous pretensions of his opponents, like a knife through last month’s beef haslet.

He once parried the insult of the Irish Nationalist Daniel O’Connell by saying: Read the full story

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David Cameron Apologises for “Humanitarian Caliphate” Smear


David Cameron has been forced to make a humiliating climbdown, after incorrectly claiming that the Humanitarian Caliphate is an even better caliphate than the Daesh/IS/ISIS/ISIL/IKEA one.

Calm down dear; listen to what the Grand Physician says… sorry, I mean, “orders you to believe. ”

I only meant it in a flippant manner, not in a po-faced, dusty manner like the Kippers. My point was that we have a lot in common with ISIS, except we are even better. Read the full story

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Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (2/2)


I’m going to list for you all the Tory politicians I admire and respect and who I think fully deserve to be UK PM…

Read the full story

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Tory Candidates: As-Yet-Entirely-Unspeculated Cameron Coup (1/2)


The Objective Media (!) has been slandering Wallace Runnymede for his Miliband/Labour-Leak article “bias.”

What a dazzling array of Neo-New-Labour candidates… Read the full story

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William Hague: Humanitarian Liquidation for Illegitimate GQ Editorial Regime


William Hague may no longer be (Anti)Foreign(er) Minister and Vice-Viceroy of the British Humanitarian Empire™…

Nor indeed, a key business strategist for IntCom Imperialist Enterprises™…

Still, he has maintained his healthy, thoroughly admirable, and perfectly laudable interest of all…

To wit, defending those who are oppressed™ and speaking up for those who don’t have a voice™…

As well as, needless to say, clarifying the vexed question of the objective interests of certain “benighted Third World savages…”

They who, if they DO have a voice, should just shut-the-f***-up and take the enema. Read the full story

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