Boris Johnson in ‘Islamophobic’ EU Gaffe: Why Don’t We Just Try an Islamic Divorce?!

Scandal-plagued Brexit hardliner Boris Johnson has recently distanced himself from the even more scandal-plagued Theresa May, with a spiffing jape about how to really chuck Chequers.

Now I hear these splendid chaps of ours in the Muslim community are always getting divorced and remarried, divorced and remarried, it’s like some bloody good Rhodesian war dance, where everybody’s changing partners and then they kiss and make up afterwards, and we all have a jolly good jape of it, in the end!

So, why don’t we just have a triple talaq? It’s just childishly simple, I just cannot for the life of me think why all the smart people at the Institute of Economic Affairs and the Daily Mail didn’t think of it!

The current process is just so unbearably complex and long-winded, we might as well just get it over and done with at last!

Just say click your heels and say three times:




And all of a sudden, we’re all as happy as a Rhodesian, er, a Burmese cat! Oh by the way, how are the Burmese getting on these days? Smashing fellows, really! Sorry to hear about their community relations troubles, but I’m sure after we’ve finally sorted Brexit, we’ll have all the best talent flooding into our country like a bally shanty town on fire: the Burmese, the Rhodesians, the Abyssinians, the Gold Coast, and what-not, Nyasaland, Senegambia, Transvaal, the whole works!

These remarks have not been entirely well received.

A number of rich privileged white male liberals from the Guardian have called out Boris’s rich non-liberal white male privilege.

The Muslim Council of Britain have noted that triple talaq is fake news, and even if it isn’t, criticising it is quite obviously an utterly intolerable Islamophobic hate crime, and only feeds into the current ongoing Vast Zionist Media Conspiracy Against the Muslim Community.

We were going to ask Jeremy Corbyn for comment, but we think he’s probably got enough problems of his own for now…


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Author: Wallace Runnymede

I've been writing satire for many years, and I've been published on many sites! Follow me on Twitter, and have a look at my books on Amazon! I've also had some poetry published by Sad Press recently: look out for 'Centrifugue!' I am also a founding member of the #AutisticDarkWeb: check the hashtag out on Twitter! Money's tight, so please consider dropping me $1 a month on Patreon (see link below). All my Patreon subscribers get certain benefits, including exclusive content, way in advance of anyone else!

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