Tag Archive | "Internets Tubes"

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (2/2)


As every establishment career politician knows, repetition is of the essence of persuasion.

So, here’s a quick refresher on what the Godwinbots afflicting Glossy News and most of the serious internet are up to.

Unpatriotic Pinko Troll Example #1:

 Goering said ‘all you have to do is create a fictional or at least semi-fictional enemy within and without, and then bring the people to your bidding to denounce the naysayers as traitors and parasites.’ Sound familiar?

 Godwinbot Takedown:

 StfUP_ with ur MORREL E-EQUIVALENC, DUDE! Y;U are literilly worse tanh HITTLERRR!!!!!

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Posted in Internets Tubes, PoliticsComments (0)

Google Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.


Barney Google googled Google just to ogle the googles about Gooble.
The googles that Google googled had oodles of googles about Google.
There is a gargantuan glossary of googles about Googles.
Gaggles of Google groupies google Google all the time. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets TubesComments (0)

An Annoying Update On Annoying Updates


Traveling on the road can be stressful. Sometimes too stressful. One doesn’t need non-road situations to make them more stressful. Someone should mention this to Bill Gates.

I am presently doing a road trip with limited amount of time to check out property. This is in a remote part of the country that consists of a lot of trees and hills and not much else.

The towns that are here are Boonievilles, this term not intended as a an insult; they are really cool towns in their unique ways, but ‘Boonievilles’ correctly gives the burgs the proper description as being considerably less sophisticated economically, materially and in terms of modernity. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets TubesComments (0)

Netflix to Extend Time Elapsed Before “Are You Still Watching?” Prompt


CALIFORNIA: Neil Hunt, Chief Product Officer for Netflix, announced today that the company would be increasing the amount of time a viewer must watch a show before the video service asks if they are, indeed, still watching.

“In 103% of cases, with a margin of error of 3%, the consumer is still watching [Netflix]. We vastly underestimated just how startlingly long the typical customer is engaged with our service.” Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, TechnologyComments (2)

Lady Gaga Responds To Criticism Over Head Defecation Stunt


The Internet exploded with criticism Friday after a performance by Lady Gaga at the NSFW Music Festival in Winslow, Arizona, in which a homeless man wet defecated on her head.

Gaga was premiering the title track to her new album “Derelique” when halfway through the song Gaga sat on the stage and a pantless, dirty man in tattered clothing pulling a shopping cart straddled her head and oozed what appeared to be several gallons of a brown, chunky liquid over her head, face and body. Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, MusicComments (12)

U.S. Military Takes Back Internet After Realizing The Frankenstein Their Creation Has Become..


The U.S. Military, the true originator of the Internet, has had enough of the shenanigans it has become and is taking it [the internet] back.

“It was never meant to be the big circus that it is now.” stated General I. Standtall, speaking on behalf of the American Armed Services.

“It was intended as a simple means for us to communicate secretly within a military field of intelligence. Since we let it get out of our hands it has devolved into a morass of anti-intelligence.” Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, War ZoneComments (4)

Man Sues Porn Industry for making Sex Boring


Dateline: LOS ANGELES–Eduard Garbanzo, a plumber and avid consumer of internet pornography, is suing several top producers of porn for having made sex commonplace and boring.

“There’s too much nudity on the internet,” he protests. “They’ve saturated the market, those pornographers. I mean, how many times can you look at a naked person and still get aroused? How many giggling breasts and buttocks can you watch before you get tired of it all? Sooner or later, the whole thing just bores you to tears.”

Mr. Garbanzo is 27 and he grew up in an age when business on the internet began to boom, when pornography became no longer rare or hidden, but has been made available even to early teens at the touch of a few buttons. As Mr. Garbanzo says, “It used to be you’d have to sneak into the basement and root around for your father’s hidden stash of nudie magazines. And then you’d have to make do with the model that happened to be featured in those pages and with however she chose to pose herself.
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Posted in Human Interest, Internets TubesComments (2)

Starving Artists call the Internet a vast Communist Conspiracy


Millions of underemployed or out-of-work citizens of Canada, Europe, and the United States took to the streets to protest the internet as a vast communist conspiracy.

Moreover, many Westerners are flocking to China, praising its pervasive censorship of the internet as instrumental to that country’s economic boom. Read the full story

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Posted in Gadgets & GizmosComments (0)

Original Poster Is Actually a Bundle of Sticks


Today the internet was shocked and quite frankly a little turned on by a new discovery: OP (or original poster) is a faggot.

Internet researchers are still trying to figure out how a bundle of sticks is responsible for every single thread in every single message board on the internet. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Area Grandma Thinks Googling is Sex Act


A local grandmother has become convinced that “the Google” is an amorous maneuver performed during the sexual act of “Googling.”

After watching a local news segment that profiled young couples who Googled each other after the first date, 74-year-old Gail Howerchuk became confident that to be “Googled” is to have had “the Google” performed on you by a “Googler,” and that the term she keeps hearing “thrown around by the youngins” refers to something having to do with “knick-knack patty-whack.” Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Strange PeopleComments (0)

PhD Thesis Lists “Yahoo Answers” as Source


MIT has become embroiled in a massive academic scandal after the discovery that one of its PhD students’ thesis utilized Yahoo Answers as a source.

Although details are still murky, sources inside the university claim PhD candidate Phillip Kwon inserted the citation as the 84th footnote for his doctoral thesis on Intermolecular Transpiration, which he defended before a committee last spring. Read the full story

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Posted in Education, EnvironmentComments (3)

Man Awakes from Coma; Wonders Where All His MySpace Friends Are


After spending 6 years in a comatose condition stemming from a bizarre bungee jumping accident during an otherwise raucous and spirited Spring break in Cancun, local man Bryce Peters, now 27, has incredibly regained consciousness.

Doctors always remained hopeful of his recovery, as hi-tech scans showed as recently as last month that his brain continued to function almost completely normal. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, SocietyComments (5)

Humor Blog Owes Success to Worldwide Spammers


ROCKY MOUNT, NC – A 37-year old unemployed factory worker turned humor blogger is reportedly thrilled by recent praise his previously unknown humor blog has received. Avowed bachelor and longtime fan of Wheel of Fortune, Buford Quigley told reporters today that he is “as happy as a dead pig in sunshine” over the overwhelming positive response his humor blog is receiving – almost exclusively from internet spammers. Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, Internets TubesComments (0)

Useful New Keyboard Shortcuts


Most users of the Windows operating system are familiar with such frequently used keyboard shortcuts as Ctrl+C for copying selected text or Ctrl+V for inserting text. A number of new keyboard shortcuts have recently been introduced to assist users in handling common new word processing and electronic communications tasks. Among them are the following: Read the full story

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, TechnologyComments (0)

Man Released from Jail after Erroneous Arrest for Internet Porn Post


Rufus Simpson of Pascagoula, Mississippi was released from jail early Saturday morning after spending the night locked up on charges of internet porn posting.

His accuser, Shirley Remquist of nearby Moss Point claims that she opened her Facebook page Friday evening to find that a post from Rufus had made it onto one of her friend’s pages which read “Darlene, honey, you knows I is the number one master baiter in yore life.” Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (5)

Joe Biden Claims He Invented “The Intercourse”


At a recent dinner event, Vice President Joe Biden not only gave away classified secrets to the press, but claimed he’s taking credit for inventing intercourse along with Al Gore!

According to a Biden Spokesman, ” Intercourse pretty much goes along with the Vice President’s feelings on increasing taxes too.”

To make things worse, Biden is also claiming the electronic game Wii is also a result of his inventive skills. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

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