Tag Archive | "democrats"

We Should Have Let The Debt Deadline Pass


We have missed a great opportunity. Instead of passing a debt ceiling agreement, we should have just let the poop hit the fan and let everything fall though. Bills would go unpaid- then we would learn what our true priorities are and pay those. Read the full story

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State Sues for Intellectual Infringement in One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…


Jackson, MS- GlossyNews.com -Governor Haley Barbour of Mississippi announced today that the State of Mississippi now claims all rights to the use of “Mississippi” between any number while counting out loud.

In today’s press conference, the four-term governor said that the new copyright is not limited to “One Mississippi, Two Mississippi,” and so forth, but will include all integers as well as fractions. Read the full story

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New Obama Program Pays You to Burn Down Your House


Asheville, North Carolina (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.

In his latest bid to pump up the economy before the 2012 election, President Obama introduced a new program, “Bucks for Burn Downs,” that will pay financially troubled homeowners to burn down their own homes. Read the full story

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Steps to Remedy Sophomoric Behavior Expected at SOTU Address


Whoever came up with the term “date night” to describe the seating arrangements anticipated at the President’s State of the Union Address on Tuesday night has a good handle on just how juvenile the behavior of some of our lawmakers has become. When it comes down to actually having to physically require Democrats to sit with Republicans and vice versa to give the appearance of bi-partisanship, we are in deep, deep trouble. Read the full story

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111th Congress Declares Bankruptcy, Asks For A Bailout


The 111th Congress of what is supposedly the richest and most powerful country in the world, the United States of America, has declared bankruptcy. Following years of self inflicted, major party apartheid, selling out to corporate and higher class interests and general diddle-daddling about issues that should have been taken care of decades ago, the Federal body known as Congress has run through its allotted funding and declared Chapter 7 filing. Our greatest legislative entity has been declared indigent and will soon be foreclosed upon. Read the full story

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Poli-Soup; The Cure For “All” Your “Ills”


The miracles of our modern world never cease! Claims are now being made by many pundits that their particular variety of political soup recipe is sure to find a cure for whatever ails you. To concoct your own cure, first assemble the following ingredients you will need should you not have them already in your kitchen: Read the full story

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Republicans Earn Oscar Nod for ‘Best Act Put On By A Political Organization’


The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences Committee has nominated the Republican Party for a special judges Oscar this year, ‘Best Act Put On By A Political Organization.’

Mrs. Tallulah Bankaccount, head of the board overseeing nominations, stated “The Republican Party has for decades put on a show of pretending to be in harmony with the interests of democracy while actually gutting all rules of checks and balances and concentrating power towards their interests. They have also taken upon themselves an incredible aura of religiosity while actually harboring some of the worst conniving hypocrites around. Read the full story

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Rupert and Roger’s (enter name here) Neo-Party


It is obvious to me –I’m probably alone here– that FauxNoiz, MySpace-Dammit and Noizcorp have decided that they want to become the next Third Party in US politics. Murdoch and Ailes have made their billions on this crapo business/political scheme and now they intend to take over the whole place.

Rupi & Rog already own their airspace. So they will stage their party’s campaign completely on-air. All sponsored by those profit-producing commercials that have flocked to the network -er- political party because of Schmucko Beck. Not that they sponsor Beck. They just want to sponsor him… Read the full story

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Hillary Clinton’s Gum Chewing Sparks International Crisis


Wrigley Fjord, East Sweden (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Though she is officially America’s top diplomat, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton committed a grievous etiquette faux pas today by chewing gum in the presence of the King of Sweden, abruptly ending her visit to this Scandinavian nation. Reverberations were felt from Stockholm to Washington as the two countries’ usually friendly governments attempted to restore normal relations. Read the full story

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Labor Dept’s Latest Report Shows Stimulus Created a Job


Hope Springs, Maryland (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a triumphant moment for President Obama, the Labor Department’s newest monthly report showed that despite lingering high unemployment, the President’s stimulus program almost certainly created a job last month.

The President announced the Labor Department’s findings at a news event held in the suburban back yard of an unemployed Democratic fundraising consultant. Read the full story

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Defeating the Enthusiasm Gap, Absentee-Style


The buzz word this election cycle is voter apathy, and the GOP is banking on it heavier than the “Viagra for child molesters” myth. In absence of tangible ideas (like what programs they’d actually cut,) it seems the only thing they can hope for is the majority to skip the election.

There is one arrow left, and it makes the Democrats quiver indeed, and that is the absentee vote, which has grown over every cycle in recent years. Read the full story

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Pelosi Vows to Shorten Abortion Waiting Period to a Year


CHICAGOLAND, Illinois (GlossyNews) — With the advent of National Socialized Medicine, Democratic supporters squeaked in a provision that allows free abortions upon demand for any women who desires one.

Cited as free choice and a right of all women, the Pelosi sponsored amendment was added at the last moment once it was discovered that Congress had the necessary votes to pass an unpopular bill which is vastly unsupported by a vast majority of Americans. Many simply state they like our present healthcare the way it is…The best in the world. Read the full story

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Dems Cope w/ Mid-Term Electile Dysfunction – Viagra In Short Supply


Webster’s Dictionary recently added a new phrase that pretty much sums up the problems facing the Democratic Party today as the important mid-term elections roll ever closer. Eloquently said, the new phrase has captured the imagination of conservative pundits as the predominate adjective used most often on television to describe the situation with the left. Read the full story

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Obama Will Leave Obama Administration Next Year


PINES RETREAT, Illinois(GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. In the latest high profile defection from the Obama administration, President Obama announced he will leave the administration early next year to return to community organizing and perhaps author another book.

The Nobel Prize winning diplomat, world leader and author is expected to make good use of his new found free time. Read the full story

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LiberTea Federalist Activists Launch the “Its All About Me” Party


A new political entity has formed that intends on usurping the most adamant followers of all other parties into its fold. It is called the “Its All About Me Party” and has astonishingly employed the core instincts and philosophies of all the other recognized political entities.

The I.A.A.M. Party appeals to those who are truly narcissistic- those who are only able to recognize their own needs to the obliviousness of those around them and to those of their own society. Read the full story

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Obama’s Corndog Fiasco Equals Woe for Midwest Democrats


Hogs Butte, IA (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a giant miscue that could cost Democrats even more Congressional seats this November, President Obama revealed he is “no big fan” of corn dogs, a favored food in the Midwest.

“I eat a lot of chili burgers back in D.C.” the President said at a fundraiser near Des Moines. “But corn dogs, no thanks.” Read the full story

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