Blast from the Past: Clinton vs GOP (2/2)

The Dynasty Wars are heating up. Never mind Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Clinton vs Bush is where it’s at!

Or at least, it’s where the money’s at, anyways!

See the transcript of Clinton’s latest semi-public post on the notable TOR website known as Dark Internet Policy Forum.

Hillary Clinton

Jeb Bush? Look, I strongly believe in America and in meritocracy. OK? I just can’t accept that in America, of all places, the Presidency should be some oligarchical monopoly for prestigious families.

To me, that’s not democracy. It’s the kind of aristocratic Old World deviation we are trying to move away from.

Secondly, Jeb Bush is a very, very dangerous person. I tell you what, if this person was in charge of our country, I can guarantee, within a week or a month at most, we would be at war.

Bush and his dynasty have a track record of militarism, and of poking their noses into other people’s business.

They’re always trying to save the citizens of other countries from themselves, via contentious or even flat-out unjustifiable military interventions.

Thirdly, Jeb Bush simply cannot be trusted. He strikes me as the kind of person that voters will consider fairly competent, but also not so trustworthy.

But I mean, I just don’t think that’s good enough! All the skill and acumen in the world is not sufficient, if people consider cynicism and opportunism to be the main features of your career.

After all, how do we know Jeb Bush will not do something wrong and, you know, try and cook the books, just because he can?

Finally, Bush has a disturbing tendency towards a flippancy and a lightness of speaking which simply do not befit a future President of the USA.

So suppose, for example, a major terrorist attack occurs on his watch. I can just imagine him saying:

Well, shit happens! Quit blamin’ me, just frickin’ quit asking me what the hell we could possibly have done wrong, and let’s just try and find a solution instead, alright?!

Hah! Sorry, Jebbie-boo-boo, but it wasn’t acceptable under George Bush, and it sure as hell ain’t acceptable for anyone else either!

Another leading Democrat was rather enthused by this.

Joe Biden

I just couldn’t agree more!

… Oh, shit! Sorry! I thought you said those were Bush’s comments about Clinton.

I mean, I would be happy to either endorse Clinton’s comments about Bush, or endorse Bush’s comments about Clinton.

For sure, I can go for or against, whatever makes the better opportunity for me. And even for America too!

Finally, and by no means least…

Um, by no means most consequentially…

Well, you-know-who was just furious.

Jeb Bush

That’s just so damn opportunistic! I don’t think American voters will ever be so cavalier as to misguidedly elect someone so full of sheer hypocrisy and special pleading as Clinton!

I mean, I was about to say pretty much exactly the same crap about her!

Ahhh. Here we go again…


Originally published on The Spoof.

Author: Wallace Runnymede

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