Tag Archive | "democrats"

Ageing Jimmy Carter Accidentally Endorses Mitt Romney for President


WASHINGTON D.C. – In a televised address before the press corps Saturday, ageing former Democratic president Jimmy Carter accidentally endorsed Mitt Romney for the presidency, insisting: “Romney is a progressive thinker and he’s gonna do a whole bunch of good for America.”

Appearing to slur his words as he spoke to various members of the press, the 88-year-old left-leaning goodwill ambassador declared that Romney “is the only guy who can get the job done (inaudible)… it’s going to be really exciting to see him win.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Handlers Say Biden Will Be On a ‘Soothing Lithium Drip’ For The VP Debate


Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)

After publically claiming ‘it’s only 30 more days to the erection,’ Joe Biden handlers have taken matters into their own hands and have placed the Vice President into the care of the White House Physician for immediate treatment in order to have the VP compete in Wednesday’s Vice Presidential debate. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Vice-President Biden Begins Doping for Debate


Last week the big news for the 2012 presidential election was the worse-than-expected performance of President Obama in his match-up with former Governor, and Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney. Although Obama was able to firmly demonstrate that he did have a pulse, little else was evident from his reaction to the many contradictory statements made by his opponent.

That debate was the big match on the ticket for all debates in this election cycle and the undercard of the vice-presidential debate would not normally warrant much attention. Both of the vice-presidential candidates offer something unique to this cycle, one locked into a conservative mantra that leaves out all but the upper 1%, and one who can’t seem to keep his foot out of his mouth whenever the spotlight is shined upon him. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (1)

Romney “Apologizes” to Obama After Debate Debacle


WASHINGTON DC- Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney sort of apologized to the president this week after the crushing debate performance he delivered, though it remains unclear as to whether Governor Romney actually knows what an apology is.

Although the political arena doesn’t mandate such an apology, Romney’s religious upbringing got the better of him as he humbly “apologized” for the thorough lashing he gave the president.

“Mitt has had a lot of practice with apologizing and knowing what an apology actuallt is, recently,” explained Matt Rhodes, senior Romney advisor.

“Not only did he deliver an excellent apology after politicizing the death of Ambassador Chris Stevens, and he really nailed it when he had to explain himself over the 47% thing the day after the debate. It was totally an underhanded apology that almost slipped by. Mitt’s been getting so good at it, he apologized to his wife after accidentally bringing her a caffeinated soda at a fund raising picnic, where he mingled with regular common people. It was a touching moment among many.”

Political analysts are wondering if Romney can keep up with his fast paced rate of apologizing. Some of his more notable apologies have reportedly been behind closed doors, especially after the debate.

He has been practicing apologizing to his base constituency for faltering on his platform so many times.

Romney appeared on Univision, a Spanish Language Channel, where he apologized to Hispanics for the tough talk on immigration during the primaries, but vowed to apologize more to them in his coming years as president.

Romney has also been seen apologizing to unemployed Americans, stating he was “sorry for the whole off-shore thing,” and that if he got their vote, he would “so get their jobs back for them.”

When asked about the apology, President Barack Obama commented, “It was nice and heart felt. Uh… He knew I was tired and had been keeping late nights… what with keeping the world from falling apart, and… cleaning up a rather… big mess left by… uh, Republicans.”

Paul Ryan has not been in favor of the recent streak of apologies, stating that “it shows weakness.”

“Ayn Rand would be spinning in her atheist grave right now listening to Romney bowing to people, many of whom don’t even pay taxes for the entitlements they feel they deserve.”

He also added, “did that come off as racist? Is that my first political gaff? I need to go do some P90x and sort all of this out, but you know what I mean about those people [who do not pay taxes].”

Senior White House advisor David Plouffe remarked on how happy he was to see Romney take a more humble approach. Plouffe went on to say, “As much as he’s apologizing for the lies, pandering, political polarizing, and suckering poor people in to a program that would marginalize their meager incomes, I don’t think I’ve heard him apologize to Jim Lerher or Big Bird for threatening to fire them.”

Mitt Romney will be in the swing state of Arkansas tomorrow speaking at a $5 a plate fundraiser held for the state’s wealthiest job creators.

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Launch of a Campaign to Mildly Harass Congress


So, a little while ago, I wrote this little ditty about how Congress’ approval rating had fallen below 0%.

It was born mostly out of frustration with our political leaders’ absolute inability to do anything other than name post offices.

This was combined, of course, with a moderate sense of boredom because there did not appear to be anything to watch on TV at the time.

The story did pretty well. It was published by GlossyNews, as well as a bunch of different venues, got three and a half thousand individual hits (thanks to Brian’s awesome dissemination skills), and hopefully raised a few chuckles. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Photo Surfaces Proving Karl Marx Actually Met Barack Obama


London(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)

University archivists recently found a treasure trove of old photos and documents in a trunk belonging to a retired canner who collected rare photos as a hobby. Dubbed the Rosetta Stone of Barack Obama’s past, the photos reveal he met famous personalities in the past leaving a lasting impression on the young man.

Tucked in with faded photos of 1930’s Moscow and Lenigrad, researchers uncovered what might be the most unusual photo of all…Karl Marx standing along side of future US president Barack Hussein Obama in an undisclosed location. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Obama Blames Last Year’s DC Earthquake on the Bush’s Fault Line


Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)

The 6.1 earthquake that rattled the nation’s capitol last year had shock waves that were felt as far north as New England. No major damages were reported and injuries were confined to a few heart attacks from some elderly citizens. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Liberal Rock Stars Can Really Sing The Workingman’s Tax Blues


New Jersey(USA) – (SatireWorld.com)

Imagine having millions of adoring fans who eagerly rush out and and buy your albums and pay heady prices for concert tickets, all in an effort to enrich your bank account to unimaginable balances.

If you’re living in New Jersey, the cost of star worship comes high even for non-fans of rock stars who just might be simple, hard-working citizens. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (10)

Merciless Obama Still Threatening to Put More Americans Back to Work


WASHINGTON DC – President Obama has repeated his cruel and draconian threats to put more unemployed people back to work following next year’s election.

During a controversial speech outside the White House Saturday, Mr Obama addressed the so-called “threat to the nation’s welfare” of unemployment, with equally heartless members of congress also calling for the creation of thousands of thankless and miserable jobs for the American people to endure. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Is GlossyNews Editor Brian K. White Secretly a Moderate?


An ultra-conservative friend of mine recently wrote to me saying that he’s read my stories, but secretly suspects that I might not be as left-leaning as I come across in some of those articles. To him, I said “you’re probably right,” and wrote this open letter in response.

And for those of you scoring along at home, I’ve included copious amounts of links and citations. Feel free to check my work.

Is Editor Brian K. White Secretely a Moderate?

Read the full story

Share

Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (5)

U.S. Senate Bursts into Spontaneous Verse


The Senate unexpectedly and unintentionally bursts into verse this morning as the legislators were conducting their routine opening procedures. The following is the official Congressional transcript of this incident.

CONGRESSIONAL RECORD

PROCEEDINGS AND DEBATES OF THE 112TH CONGRESS, SECOND SESSION

WASHINGTON, TUESDAY, JUNE 24 2012

SENATE

MORNING BUSINESS

The Senate met at 10 a.m. and was called to order by THE PRESIDENT PRO TEMPORE. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Following Cannibal Attacks, The CDC Issues Zombie Alert


Atlanta, GA – (SatireWorld.com) The world’s leading research and communicable disease control center (CDC) located in Atlanta, Georgia has issued its first ever Zombie Alert, advising US citizens to be prepared and have ample stocks and supplies on hand in the event of a zombie breakout. Read the full story

Share

Posted in HealthComments (1)

Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight


NEW YORK–Bill Clinton rocked the political world today by announcing his change in party affiliation from Democrat to Independent.

Meet the Press moderator David Gregory asked Mr. Clinton to explain his decision. “Could’ve been worse,” Clinton responded. “Could’ve switched to the GOP.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Why Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann Could Never Be Democrats


Really I don’t understand why so many Liberals I have lots of admiration for get kinda ‘mouth foamy’ at the mention of Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann. My liberal friends seem to genuinely despise those two women. Myself, I don’t really hate anybody. Except for the guy who did that ‘Pina Colada” song; he should be water boarded. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (13)

Obama Reaches Out to Republican Pinheads to Solve America’s Problems


WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic leaders at the White House. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Debt Ceiling Debate Came Down to Rock, Paper, Scissors


EDITOR’S NOTE: ARTICLE WRITTEN BEFORE AGREEMENT WAS REACHED – After recent discussions in Congress over John Boehner and Harry Reid’s plans to solve the debt ceiling crisis dissolved into gavel smashing and cross-aisle spitting, political analysts have predicted that the fate of the country’s credit rating might boil down to petty children’s games like Shoots and Ladders, Candy Land, or a Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Page 2 of 512345
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial