French Telecom workers staged protests on Thursday over a wave of a suicides that union leaders blame on the company’s failure to help staff deal with the stress from restructuring (read mass firings, redundancies and lateral – more at descending – promotions).

About 10,000 employees downed pencils and rallied in Paris and 5,000 others gathered outside corporate headquarters in the city of Troyes after a 93-year-old executive stabbed himself in the back forty-seven times with a whiteboard marker after learning that he had been demoted from Vice President (Stationaries) to tea boy. Continue Reading

Foreign Secretary David Millipede once again stuck his foot ankle deep in the brown smelly stuff yesterday by publicly declaring that there were circumstances in which terrorism was justifiable. Continue Reading

Hours, KW – The Eiffel Tower is now a threat to aviation safety as it stands unlit in the Paris night. Other famous landmarks in various European cities have gone dark as well due to the European Union’s decision to ban incandescent light bulbs in favor of replacing them with the more energy efficient compact fluorescent bulbs (CFL) sold by Wal-Marts all over Europe. Continue Reading

In the southern Afghan poppy-growing region of Shit-or-Bust the tribesmen held one of their time-honoured beardie pow-wow’s by getting together around the campfire just prior to the recent presidential election for a fart-fest and to discuss which candidate they would back. Continue Reading

During a surprise visit to Afghanistan yesterday to change his underpants Gordon ‘Culpability’ Brown gave a strong indication that more British troops will be sent to the basket case dump of a nation-sized midden to replace all the broken ones the Taliban have snuffed in recent weeks. Continue Reading

Two teenagers planned to blow up a local shopping mall and strafe their school with gunfire in a massacre timed to coincide with the anniversary of a mass-murder killing spree at a US school, a British court heard today. Continue Reading

Researchers from the government’s Institute for Wasting Time & Money have recently decided that the food provided in HM Prisons is better than in NHS hospitals – which ultimately may support the pointless argument that people live longer in prisons than they do in hospitals. Continue Reading

A pack of mutts known locally as the Manky Mongrel Gang have been arrested by a joint action team of police and the RSPCA’s elite Canine Squad officers following the discovery of £3,000 of stolen pet food during a raid on a Kennel Lane property at Barking in Essex. Continue Reading

Campaigners have condemned the reappointment of the head of Kenya’s anti-corruption agency – the KACC (pronounced ‘cack’) – by the 105-year old President Dogbone Meow Kitkatbar. Continue Reading

Washington – When President Barack Obama arrives in Havana for a state visit next month, he will personally apologize to late Cuban Premier Fidel Castro for decades of American interference with Cuba’s efforts to destabilize the Southern Hemisphere. Continue Reading

Phuket, Thailand – Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced “fuh-ket” or alternatively “Phuket”), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention. Continue Reading

Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward has released another transcript of a recent White House strategy session, this one devoted to the looming Iran-Israel confrontation. Continue Reading

Coca-Cola was forced to withdraw their 8,000 peacekeeping troops from Somalia when war broke out in 1989. The civil scene has since subsided and civilians, long thirsty for caffeinated cola, seem eager to embrace the armed forces being provided by Coca-Cola. Continue Reading

PYONGYANG, N. KOREA – In a statement released Friday, North Korea’s President Kim Jong II denounced President Bush’s diplomatic pressure on his nation and accused America of targeting North Korea because of the country’s coal, iron, magnesite, graphite, copper, zinc, and lead mining prospects. The U.S. claims its diplomatic efforts have come as a response to Kim’s refusal to acknowledge the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty in December, but North Korea fears the U.S. is after much more. Continue Reading