Category: World News
EU Decision Throws Europe into Darkness
Hours, KW – The Eiffel Tower is now a threat to aviation safety as it stands unlit in the Paris night. Other famous landmarks in various European cities have gone dark as well due to the European Union’s decision to…
Afghan Election Results Officially Recognized as FUBAR
In the southern Afghan poppy-growing region of Shit-or-Bust the tribesmen held one of their time-honoured beardie pow-wow’s by getting together around the campfire just prior to the recent presidential election for a fart-fest and to discuss which candidate they would…
Gordon Brown Makes 3-Minute Stop In Afghanistan
During a surprise visit to Afghanistan yesterday to change his underpants Gordon ‘Culpability’ Brown gave a strong indication that more British troops will be sent to the basket case dump of a nation-sized midden to replace all the broken ones…
UK Teenage Nutters Planned Columbine 2: The Wrath of Khan
Two teenagers planned to blow up a local shopping mall and strafe their school with gunfire in a massacre timed to coincide with the anniversary of a mass-murder killing spree at a US school, a British court heard today.
Zagat: Prison Grub Beats Hospital Food
Researchers from the government’s Institute for Wasting Time & Money have recently decided that the food provided in HM Prisons is better than in NHS hospitals – which ultimately may support the pointless argument that people live longer in prisons…
Literal Dog Gang Finally Collared
A pack of mutts known locally as the Manky Mongrel Gang have been arrested by a joint action team of police and the RSPCA’s elite Canine Squad officers following the discovery of £3,000 of stolen pet food during a raid…
Anti-Graft Boss Caught Elbow-Deep in Graft
Campaigners have condemned the reappointment of the head of Kenya’s anti-corruption agency – the KACC (pronounced ‘cack’) – by the 105-year old President Dogbone Meow Kitkatbar.
Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba
Washington – When President Barack Obama arrives in Havana for a state visit next month, he will personally apologize to late Cuban Premier Fidel Castro for decades of American interference with Cuba’s efforts to destabilize the Southern Hemisphere.
Clinton: North Korea Needs Good Spanking
Phuket, Thailand – Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced “fuh-ket” or alternatively “Phuket”), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention.
Administration to Pre-empt Iran by Nuking Israel First
Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward has released another transcript of a recent White House strategy session, this one devoted to the looming Iran-Israel confrontation.