Literal Dog Gang Finally Collared

A pack of mutts known locally as the Manky Mongrel Gang have been arrested by a joint action team of police and the RSPCA’s elite Canine Squad officers following the discovery of £3,000 of stolen pet food during a raid on a Kennel Lane property at Barking in Essex.

When the crime-busters raided the property on Tuesday they discovered a hoard of tins and bags of stolen dog food plus bundles of Grotty Grocer supermarket pet food discount vouchers.

A harem of kidnapped French poodle bitches were also released from their nightly dogging session sex slave captivity, identified by their RFID microchips and are now undergoing psychological counselling at a Barking and Wooferton council veterinarian shelter for traumatised pets.

A team of RSPCA forensic investigators are currently employed excavating the back gardens of the hounds’ lair after the ravaged bodies of several cats were found chewed and partly hidden in shallow graves for later mastication rituals.

This discovery ties in with what became known as the infamous Moggy Murders case two years ago when a legion of neighbourhood cats were slaughtered in a similar fashion – with the main suspects – the Russell twins – Jack and Jill the Terrible Terriers – evading prosecution due lack of evidence against them. However the twins are now part of the Manky Mongrel Gang.

Police originally received an anonymous tip-off concerning the Mongrel’s illicit activities from two of the gang’s disaffected dogsbody’s – Sniffy – a former champion greyhound – and Pug the Boxer – who both have bones to pick with the gang’s leader – Monty Mastiff – over dodgy fixed racing result and thrown fight payouts.

Apparently Sniffy and Pug provided solid evidence that a recent pet food pilferage scam by supermarket guard dogs had Monty’s paw prints all over it – prompting authorities to have him tailed, resulting in leads to further illegal activities and he and his entire gang being collared during the raid at their Kennel Lane hideout.

Several officers were bitten and savaged during the raid by the gang’s resident heavy – Rabid Ronnie the Rottweiler – who police marksmen dispatched to the doggy afterlife with a couple of bursts of gunfire.

While members of the Mongrel gang have remained muzzled and refuse to make statements, neighbours in Kennel Lane claim that gang leader Monty was part Dingo with some Hyena genes and a thoroughly bad sort – with a reputation of always being in the doghouse since he was a puppy.

The gang, who appeared before a Veterinarian Jury this morning have been denied bail and were remanded in custody pending further investigations.

However reputed gang leader Monty, pawing at his lucky gold St Bernard medallion, told a Pooch News court reporter “Just wait ‘til my lawyer from Doberman Brothers gets to work on our defence – and those distemper-ridden twats Sniffy and Pug turn up hanging from a butcher’s hook in Chinatown.”

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via