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Merkel Readies Device for Stimulating Greeks

Merkel Readies Device for Stimulating Greeks

BERLIN, GERMANY —GlossyNews Chancellor Merkel of Germany said she would readily agree to stimulating Greece in their G-spot. Germany’s “Iron Lady” says she will use her newly created device called a “Euro-do”, thusly named as it inserts the Euro into the economy as a sexual stimulant device, an effect that is similar to the use of a dildo – named the “dildo effect”. Continue Reading

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Weekly Political Wrap Up Includes Syria’s Lack of Legitimacy

Weekly Political Wrap Up Includes Syria’s Lack of Legitimacy

On Monday, President Barack Obama called for a big deficit reduction package to go along with raising the debt ceiling, saying to a reluctant Congress that “it’s time to pull off the band-aid. Eat our peas.”  Authorities are investigating why Congress is so battered and malnourished. Continue Reading

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BRICS Loses Vowel, Member After Olympic-Sized Insult

BRICS Loses Vowel, Member After Olympic-Sized Insult

Search for replacement country yields bric-a-brac

NEW DELHI – The organization of emerging economies, formerly known as BRICS, is struggling after the loss of the only member-state that contributed a vowel to the snappy acronym. At their most recent gathering, a conflict had reportedly developed that ended with India threatening to walk out. Continue Reading

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Gaddafi Diary Excerpts Released

Gaddafi Diary Excerpts Released

Libya’s Revolutionary Council announced today the discovery of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi’s personal journals. According to sources, the writings span nearly the entire life of the enigmatic autocrat. The story of how the writings saw daylight is said to be nearly as convoluted as their author. It’s rumored details of the discovery have already been optioned by George Lucas as a possible Indiana Jones script. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News3 Comments

Sweden says Don’t say Boy

Sweden says Don’t say Boy

Sweden’s Director of Pre-school Schools announced this week a revolutionary new program for Americans to laugh at. Dr. Sven Frrrdegard spoke to reporters at Stockholm’s Ministry for Education.

“As the world’s only industrialized nation not headed for bankruptcy, we Swedes are keenly aware of our leadership responsibilities. We will not shirk our duty when it falls upon us to address humanity’s most pressing problem; gender stereotyping.” Continue Reading

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North Korea To Recycle Kim

North Korea To Recycle Kim

PYONGYANG, North Korea —GlossyNews The government of North Korea announced on Thursday that it would place the embalmed body of recently passed Kim Jong-il on permanent display next to his father’s body at Kumsusan Palace in Pyongyang and install his statues, portraits and memorial Towers of Eternal Life across the country. Continue Reading

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Germany to Leave EU… for the Children

Germany to Leave EU… for the Children

Stocks plunged worldwide and oil closed below $80 today on news that Germany will end its European Union membership effective 2012.

Financial analysts and global security experts are unable to predict how the unexpected move will shape an increasingly interconnected world. This much is known, nobody knows why the Germans made this decision, they won’t say why, and we have no way of making them talk. Continue Reading

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N. Dakota Found to be Illegitimate State; Canada Seizes It

N. Dakota Found to be Illegitimate State; Canada Seizes It

A recent disturbing discovery by a North Dakotan historian has revealed a disturbing fact about one of the least popular states in the union- the fact that it is not a state.

John Rolczynski has discovered that the governor and the state deputies at the time of it’s founding never took the oaths of office necessary to give North Dakota statehood. Continue Reading

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EXPOSE – Artificial Recession Created to Prop Up World’s Billionaires

EXPOSE – Artificial Recession Created to Prop Up World’s Billionaires

The current recession is a big success state stated the heads of all the multi national corporations unanimously in their secret publication The Upper Crust Of The Upper Crust.

This publication is known and distributed only to those possessing more than 50 million dollars or controlling more than 10% of the local economy in whatever country they are in. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News1 Comment

Arabic Speling Bee Canceled for Education Concerns

Arabic Speling Bee Canceled for Education Concerns

Modernization efforts in post-Mubarak Egypt were dealt yet another blow this week, with announcement that the first ever Arabic spelling contest will not take place.

Leaders of the fledgling coalition seeking to transition Egypt from military rule to a secular republic were quick to answer outrage from western media on what’s being called ‘Spell-gate.’ Continue Reading

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Caution: Saudi Women Behind the Wheel

Caution: Saudi Women Behind the Wheel

Saudi women are hitting the streets, revving their engines and trying to drive home a very serious point. It’s all part of a push for social reform by defying the desert kingdom’s longstanding ban on female drivers.

“We are not trying to reinvent the steering wheel. We just want to be more than third-class citizens in our own country. So-called ‘backseat bitches.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News1 Comment

Al-Qaeda Choice for Bin Laden Replacement Rocks

Al-Qaeda Choice for Bin Laden Replacement Rocks

Al-Qaeda made a major announcement this week, promoting Ayman al-Zawahiri to fill its Chief Terrorist Officer post, a role that has been vacant since the death of its long-time leader, Osama bin Laden.

Al-Zawahiri’s greatest challenge will be convincing critics and diehard al-Qaeda purists that he is the right terrorist to fill bin Laden’s shoes.

“This is exactly like when a famous band gets a new lead singer. You have to win people over. Genesis, Van Halen, AC/DC – they all changed front men and still churned out the hits,” says music critic, Dean Branch. Continue Reading

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