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In Rio de Janeiro, Buy Guns, Get Free Homes

In Rio de Janeiro, Buy Guns, Get Free Homes

A Brazilian gun dealer has offered to give a free home to the first five customers of the New Year if they buy any quality rifle from his gun shop. Jose Arma de Fogo says he got the idea from a news item he picked up off the Globo International newswire where a Kansas City, Missouri real estate broker is offering a free gun voucher to anyone who signs a contract to purchase a house in the Kansas City, Kansas area.

In Brazil, standard real estate is extremely affordable and in fact, a home on a small plot of land can actually cost less than a decent gun. Continue Reading

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Is the US Losing its Patience with Canada?

Is the US Losing its Patience with Canada?

Paris, TX — Canada, once one of America’s staunchest allies in North America and a bulwark against growing aboriginal unrest and encroachment of the Scandinavian powers, continues to befuddle the West.

In the 1950s, 60s, and 70s Canada, with the backing of the US and England, grew to prominence in North America. Canada became a ‘strongman’ and a policeman that the West could rely on in a sea of continuous turmoil in a region troubled by the growing influence of capitalism and rock and roll. Continue Reading

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Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit

Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit

The UK Office of the Prime Minister today announced and welcomed the Army’s 1,000th recruit of the year – sixteen-year-old Private Angus Munt from Glasgow’s Pikey Park Sink or Swim Council Estate.

Conversely the winner of the ‘First Century’ Squaddies-in-Bodybags competition – with the death of the 100th British soldier to ‘cop his’ and get snuffed by Taliban Dan and his gang of Jihadi scallies in Afghanistan – went unannounced. Continue Reading

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Iraq Stands by “Magic Bomb Detector” Technology

Iraq Stands by “Magic Bomb Detector” Technology

Iraqi security forces have adopted a revolutionary new bomb detection device, according to the New York Times.

The hand-held device is several orders of magnitude smaller than devices available from “reputable” manufacturers, but American critics have their collective panties in a bunch over the fact that the device “doesn’t actually work” and is “putting untold numbers of people in danger of being blown into tiny, McNugget-sized pieces”. Continue Reading

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The Funny Side of WW2 – Que?

The Funny Side of WW2 – Que?

According to a recent survey undertaken by the government’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money the British youth of the 21st Century are possessed by a plethora of misconceptions concerning Germany, World War Two, the Nazi party and the Holohoax.

A full ten out of ten teenagers (boys, girls and budding transvestites) surveyed unanimously agreed that Adolf Hitler – the only man to ever look good Continue Reading

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Chinese Politburo Hits New Highs of Paranoia

Chinese Politburo Hits New Highs of Paranoia

The day prior to the kick-off of September’s Melbourne International Film Festival its executive director Bluey McBruce received a most bellicose telephone call from a certain Mr Flip Flop Fong – the senior official at the Chinese consulate in the city.

Fong, in no uncertain terms, ordered Mr. McBruce to withdraw a short, but concise, documentary spotlighting the privations and travails suffered by the Chinese human rights and wrongs activist Sue Doku under the jackboot rule of the Beijing Bullies – with the closing threat of “Lose the film – or else!” Continue Reading

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BNP Boss Falls Victim to Lynch Mob

BNP Boss Falls Victim to Lynch Mob

It was a moment 5,000 mixed race and ethnic Brit’ protesters – stark-bollock naked, daubed in traditional blue woad and massed outside the London BBC TV Centre – had spent much of the day trying to stop until they got bored and switched to overturning double-decker buses, throwing battle axes at the drawbridge and drowning expense-cheating MP’s in the piranha-infested moat.

But pig-eyed British Nasty Party leader and all-round Aryan superman Nick Griffin finally strode fearlessly – jackboot heels clicking in true neo-Nazi fashion – Continue Reading

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New Labour Stealth Taxes Locked n’ Loaded

New Labour Stealth Taxes Locked n’ Loaded

Secret Labour stealth taxes – rumoured to have been conjoured and drafted by old rodent features himself – Lord Peter Scandalson – aka Vermin in Ermine – are geared up to be imposed on millions of homes and totally bankrupt the middle classes in the process after the no-hoper dead duck government supposedly sweep the ballot in the next General Election. Continue Reading

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IAEA Chief: Israel the Real Rogue Nuclear State

IAEA Chief: Israel the Real Rogue Nuclear State

The top nuclear inspector at the UN told reporters from the Warmongers Gazette he does not believe that Iran is a threat to Middle Eastern peace and stability but conversely claims that Israel is the number one menace due its expansionist policies and covert nuclear weapons arsenal. Continue Reading

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PM Gordon Brown Runs Amok – Millions Feared Dead

PM Gordon Brown Runs Amok – Millions Feared Dead

A most beleaguered Gordon ‘Culpability’ Brown returned to the airwaves today following his previous evening’s TV interview disaster as he tried to end the annual New Labour party conference with at least some portion of the voting public and traditional supporters, sponsors and donors etc still believing he and his cabinet have at least half an idea of how to run the country until they get unanimously voted out of office next year. Continue Reading

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Rodent Rodham Clinton Boosts US Neo-Imperialism in Africa

Rodent Rodham Clinton Boosts US Neo-Imperialism in Africa

US Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton’s eleven-day tour of Darkest Africa took in seven AIDS-ravaged countries across the malfunctional continent. Continue Reading

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Mandelson-Scandalson Touted as Next Labour PM

Mandelson-Scandalson Touted as Next Labour PM

This weekend, for the first time in British history since Liberal PM Archibald Primrose (Lord Rosebery) went fin-to-fin with Iceland in the 1895 Cod War, we have three prime ministers presiding over the country at once. – all of whom have as much grasp on actual cold plate supper reality as a chronic opium smoker – or Big Dave Cameron. Continue Reading

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Rhubarbie Mugabe Joining EU – Que?

Rhubarbie Mugabe Joining EU – Que?

Robert Rhubarbie – the 126-year old bonkers dictator and President Forever of basket case Zimbabwe in Darkest Africa, has been in talks with EU officials about having sanctions lifted – and joining the EU itself. Continue Reading

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Greedshite Bank Bids to Buy All United Kingdom’s Roads

Greedshite Bank Bids to Buy All United Kingdom’s Roads

A radical avarice-inspired plan to rake in £100 billion by privatising the UK’s motorway and trunk road networks has been exposed – blowing wide open the criminal details of a series of covert sneaky attempts to corruptly influence ranking members of the three main political parties by the NM Greedshite Bank. Continue Reading

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Bad Times: Cory’s Curse Kicks in Big Time

Bad Times: Cory’s Curse Kicks in Big Time

Former Republic of the Philistines leader Cory Aquino, Asia’s first female president, died a couple of weeks ago at the age of 176.

Aquino had been afflicted with a chronic case of ‘holier-than-thou’ syndrome for decades and been further suffering from galloping bowel rot for more than a year – then recently refused further treatment, declaring to the media she was putting faith and trust in a Divine Power and leaving her fate to God – following which she promptly died. Continue Reading

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France’s Telecom Now Suicide Central

France’s Telecom Now Suicide Central

French Telecom workers staged protests on Thursday over a wave of a suicides that union leaders blame on the company’s failure to help staff deal with the stress from restructuring (read mass firings, redundancies and lateral – more at descending – promotions).

About 10,000 employees downed pencils and rallied in Paris and 5,000 others gathered outside corporate headquarters in the city of Troyes after a 93-year-old executive stabbed himself in the back forty-seven times with a whiteboard marker after learning that he had been demoted from Vice President (Stationaries) to tea boy. Continue Reading

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