Kris Kringle Appointed Head of NSA

Phoenix, AZ- He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. Now he hears who you are talking to so be good for goodness sake.

The “Jolly Old Man,” otherwise known as Kris Kringle has been appointed to the coveted Director of the National Security Agency replacing Keith Alexander.

This new partnership between Washington and the North Pole will help both parties as this gives Santa new tools to add people to his naughty list.

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Fox News anchor Martha MacCallum had this to say:

“Santa has been checking his naughty list ever since Jesus was born. If you aren’t doing anything bad then why should you worry about giving Santa unfiltered access to who you are talking to if he already been checking up on you? Honestly this is something we should have been doing since America was born on January 1st almost 2014 years ago.”

Critics are arguing that this move should not exempt those in power from the naughty list as they are the most deserving.

The White House will be holding a press conference later today to officially appoint Kris Kringle as Director of the NSA.

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2 comments on “Kris Kringle Appointed Head of NSA

  1. Absolutely true! This was leaked by a renegade elf a few months back (code name “Snow Den”) who’s since sought asylum in a Detroit Walmart.

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