Texas Abortion Law Spurs Record Sales of Cots While Condoms Fall

Approximately four months into Texas’s law prohibiting abortion once embryonic cardiac activity is detected at about six weeks when most women don’t yet know they are pregnant, economic indicators in the state began registering some unanticipated effects.

Third quarter earnings for Texas retail stores and online sales saw dramatic increases in sales of couches and folding cots.

Sales of Trojan condoms fell 75% and sales of birth control pills, IUDs, caps, and diaphragms, dropped to nearly zero, and lingerie sales dropped 90%.

The reason quickly became clear: In a Lysistrata-like move (referring to the women of ancient Troy who refused sex until the men stopped making war), women were escorting men from their bedrooms and refusing sex in record numbers, forcing them to sleep on couches and cots due to their rage at the law.

“Texas was the last straw,” said Joanne Smith, the Fort Worth resident whose new Facebook page launched the statewide boycott.

“We’re furious, we’ve had it. Men are no longer welcome to enjoy sex with us, in the bedroom or anywhere else. Birth control fails us. Men are so lax. If we get pregnant, it’s on us, health problems, kids and all. And now, effectively, all abortions are illegal in Texas. No sex till they fix this.”

News of the lockout quickly garnered national attention as women and girls of all sexual, political and religious stripes joined in solidarity with their Texas sisters.

“No ticky, no laundry,” became the rallying cry.

Texas men stood in their boots under the Texas sun and were stunned.

Legislators who had passed the laws, were having second thoughts as not only their wives and daughters were saying no, but their interns, secretaries and mistresses were also refusing sex.

“My married boyfriend pushed the Texas law through,” said Austin resident Darlene Cox. “‘Oh, don’t worry honey,” he says, ‘if you get pregnant, no way you’re having the baby. My wife would kill me, my career would be ruined.”

A Dallas woman asking to remain anonymous said, “I didn’t know what women’s reproductive rights and women’s lib meant. I thought it was about hating men. But this is a boatload of fun.”  

“Unbelievable,” said San Antonio resident Jeffrey Johns. “We’ve been shut out and cut off. We’re distracted and can’t focus. It’s an insult to our manhood. Women are baring their arms and thrusting fists in our faces saying, ‘No more nookie, not till this insanity ends.’ Can’t ranch, can’t ride. I’m at my wit’s end.”

Other groups of concerned men decided to take action and began staging rallies in front of the Austin state capitol, demanding repeal of the law.

Equally alarming was the growing online activity by women searching the terms “Gender reassignment surgery– woman to man,” and “Persuading your partner that gender reassignment surgery for him is in his best interests.”

One Amarillo woman asking to remain nameless, indicated that her legislator husband always referred to the “bliss and joys” of pregnancy and childbirth.

“Men think these are a walk in the park. They have no clue how scary it is. Pregnancy feels like prison. I expect my husband’s transition to female followed by pregnancy and childbirth, to be a great learning experience for him.”   

The threat of a “Lorena Bobbitt”- type surprise surgical intervention had men nervously reconsidering where they stood.

Several new measures around the country were taking a different tack. Last April, Utah began requiring biological fathers to share half the medical costs of pregnancy.

“It’s generally just been a hit and run kind of situation, said one Utah man who asked not to be identified, “but now we’re required to pony up. It’s taking all the gusto out of my mojo.”  

A few other states were revamping child support laws requiring men who fathered children, to take them for the first three years upon birth, “to give them a good experience of what’s involved, including getting up at night to change diapers and breastfeed, “especially if they’ve transitioned to female” said Smith, and to enjoy the terrible twos.  

The boycott was having a devastating economic effect on Texas, bringing business to a grinding halt as bars, nightclubs, and strip clubs began shutting down, conventions, concerts and sports events were being canceled and major corporations began pulling out.

“The pandemic was nothing compared to this,” said one Dallas bar owner named “Joe.” 

Fortune 500 companies began worrying that it signaled a nationwide trend.

I think the message is pretty clear, said boycott leader Joanne Smith.“If you want sex, don’t come to Texas.”

Author: Barbara Elisse Najar

Barbara Elisse Najar is a freelance writer who specializes in articles, essays, poetry and occasional satire. Her work has been published in The Washington Post, medical journals and a literary magazine. She has a masters' degree in public health from the University of Minnesota and had a long career in public health. She was an abortion volunteer counselor with the Washington, DC Area Women's Center Abortion Collective in the mid-1970s shortly after Roe became law. Their collective also produced the first guide to DC area abortion clinics. She is passionate about women's reproductive issues among other concerns of social justice and has unending fun finding the absurd among the serious

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