Category: Top Stories
CPAC 2013 Ended and So Didn’t Their Movement
Closing out of the 2013 CPAC (Conservative People Acting Crazy) conference has left many on the right feeling less than exhilarated. Their ideals, thoughts, and policies that no longer align with changes in society have once again left them opposed…
How to get rid of enemies and excess allies
Yesterday’s report in the Los Angeles Times about the U.S. plan to rid itself of uncomfortable allies in Syria illustrates once again that drones are the answer to almost any problem. This is because – except for tsunamis and volcanoes…
Dead Pigs in River Classic Case of Zodiac Rivalry, Chinese Officials Say
SHANGHAI–Chinese officials have released an official statement today on the reason behind the almost 3,000 porcine carcasses found floating in the Huangpu river. The well-timed statement has successfully lifted the fog of mystery surrounding this formerly intriguing incident and, at…
Obama Angry He “Can’t” Kill American Citizens
Members of the press core were violently ejected from the White House yesterday after President Obama went into a fit of rage over the fact that the Constitution prohibits him from killing innocent American citizens. “It’s not fair! My drone…
Kim Jong Un Releases New Book: Daddy–The Tenderer Moments
PYONGYANG—Recently, Iron E-News was given the rare chance to attend a very special and exclusive book signing in an exotic, distant, and oft misunderstood place: the residential palaces in the heart of the DPRK. Kim Jong Un, the son of…
Keeping undesirable Jews out of Israel
Israel denying entry to a Jew? Is that possible? Are we talking about the Jewish state? The global haven for Jews? The one with the open doors and outstretched arms to Jews and only Jews? The news report said that…
Body of Hugo Chavez to See Out Fourth Presidential Term
CARACAS – Aides of the late Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez have confirmed that the 58-year-old’s body will still honor the fourth term it was elected to serve back in October. Mr. Chavez, who had ruled over the Venezuelan people since…
Sequestration Castration
The dreaded Sequestration is upon us. Which is much like the feared Fiscal Cliff. Which is similar to the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse. Which is related to Y2K. Which is similar to the Bush II administration… wait a minute! That was…
Prayer Warriors Return From Battle With Hugo Chavez
A group of faithful prayer warriors, armed with nothing more than their bibles and a long history of religious indoctrination, are slowly returning to their normal lives after what they describe as their victory over evil. They find vindication for…
Massive Sinkhole Threatens to Rip Florida in Half
Tampa, FL – Mildred and Juan Scoleri were outdoors on their patio surveying the excavation work that the pool company had just finished before laying the foundation for the pool they’ve been saving for ever since Juan was still working…