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Suicide Bomber Sues For Injuries

Suicide Bomber Sues For Injuries

WASHINGTON D.C.– Known terrorist Ahmed Aafiya Sadeed has filed a law suit against the United States Government, claiming the White House to be an unsafe work environment. The law suit arose after Ahmed Aafiya Sadeed was injured falling off of the White House roof, which he claimed was, “Terribly difficult to climb, especially with bombs all over you.” Continue Reading

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iPhone Explodes in Ossetia – Millions Feared Dead

iPhone Explodes in Ossetia – Millions Feared Dead

French consumer groups are investigating a disturbing bout of recent reports concerning iPhone 3GS models that have exploded or burst into flames spontaneously. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, War Zone0 Comments

Congress Places Bill of Rights Up for Auction on eBay

Congress Places Bill of Rights Up for Auction on eBay

Washington, DC (BSNE): Amid much fanfare, Congressional leaders from both parties announced a new series of aggressive raise revenues to off set the skyrocketing Federal Budget Deficit. At the top of the Initiative is to offer the Bill of Rights for sale to interested parties on eBay. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Politics3 Comments

Failures Force Obama to Look for Scapegoats

Failures Force Obama to Look for Scapegoats

National Enquirer – Part II of John Smith’s report of his time on Martha’s Vineyard posing as a landscaper at the Obama Compound. From his hiding place in the bushes outside a screened-in porch where strategy meetings were held, Smith taped the following conversation between Obama and top advisors. This session had to do with Obama’s plummeting poll numbers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism

Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism

Kayotic City, CA – Things turned ugly Wednesday night at a gathering of citizens in favor of President Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, when a counter-protester ran up to one of the march participants and bit off the tip of his finger. The victim, Phil Langes, was rushed to Los Rabies Hospital and Medical Center’s emergency room; however, the finger tip could not be sewn back on due to the fact that the man who bit it off appears to have swallowed it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Top Stories0 Comments

President Obama Assaulted With Caramels

President Obama Assaulted With Caramels

Taking his cue from a popular American television show, President Karzai of Afghanistan lobs candy at President Obama, believing it to be an act of endearment. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Obama Proposes Pet Health Care Plan to Woo Seniors

Obama Proposes Pet Health Care Plan to Woo Seniors

Stung by reports that the elderly are turning against his health care reform proposal, President Barack Obama is prepared to offer seniors a series of incentives to get them back on board. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Washington — Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reports that the Obama Administration plans to use the death of Senator Ted Kennedy to fast-track its health care reform measure now languishing in Congress. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Obama: Stop Bothering Me

Obama: Stop Bothering Me

Washington — A source close to President Barack Obama tells Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward that the President has begun to chafe at his inability to get away from the job, even at his vacation retreat on Martha’s Vineyard. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics, Top Stories1 Comment

Wal-Mart Trims Payroll: Replaces Employees For 2nd Time

Wal-Mart Trims Payroll: Replaces Employees For 2nd Time

Bentonville, Arkansas-Wal-Mart Corporation today announced a series of cost-cutting moves designed to decrease expenses and improve corporate profits. In this latest initiative, Wal-Mart executives announced a plan to replace over 4,500 current employees with lower-paid newcomers. Continue Reading

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Glenn Beck Show Saved By Good Ol’ Boy Advertisers

Glenn Beck Show Saved By Good Ol’ Boy Advertisers

Glenn Beck is seeing his conventional ad revenues dry up due to his escalation of hate rhetoric, but the redneck community is coming to his aid to help keep him on the air. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Strange People, Television0 Comments

Woodward: Biden, Panetta Losing Obama’s Confidence

Woodward: Biden, Panetta Losing Obama’s Confidence

ABC News – Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reported today that President Obama may replace Vice President Joe Biden and CIA Director Leon Panetta before the end of his first term. Continue Reading

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Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

National Enquirer — An intrepid National Enquirer reporter has managed the near-impossible: gain access to the Obama compound on Martha’s Vineyard posing as a landscaper. During his time at the estate, John Smith discovered a hiding place in the bushes outside a screened-in porch where top advisors gathered to discuss political strategy. Following is a partial transcript of one of the sessions Smith taped: Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Obama Hosts Thursdays Under The Magnolia Tree

Obama Hosts Thursdays Under The Magnolia Tree

Washington, DC – President Obama announced that the small meeting held last Thursday between himself, Joe Biden, Professor Gates and Officer Crowley to share a beer and clear up any misunderstandings that may have arisen due to the incident involving Gates’ arrest by Crowley was highly successful. Continue Reading

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Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

Washington – When President Barack Obama arrives in Havana for a state visit next month, he will personally apologize to late Cuban Premier Fidel Castro for decades of American interference with Cuba’s efforts to destabilize the Southern Hemisphere. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

CIA Tape Shocker: Pelosi in Bed with Reid, Murtha

CIA Tape Shocker: Pelosi in Bed with Reid, Murtha

Washington — In an escalation of the conflict between the Central Intelligence Agency and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a CIA source has provided the New York Times a tape of what he maintains is a July 2007 meeting attended by Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and Rep. John Murtha. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories, War Zone0 Comments

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