Category: Biz News
Will Queen Elizabeth Soon Grace the US Dollar?
Where can the good news feasibly begin when the Rainbow starts and ends in crocks of festering shite? The UN’s Climate Conference in Copenhagen has been pre-cursed and already daubed a well-deserved full seven shades of corrupt and deceitful shit-brown…
Zhu Zhu Pet Toymakers in Deep Zhu Zhu
Makers of this year’s most popular children’s toys, the Zhu Zhu Pet, are doing everything they can to avoid a recall of the toy after a report issued by Good Guide indicates that the toys contain a potentially dangerous amount…
EU/DEFRA Devise “Stop-Farming” Ag Subsidies
Dear Secretary of State: My friend Old McDonald, who’s family have been farmers since the dawn of time, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing 50 pigs. In light of this fortuitous commercial opportunity I too would now like to sign up for the all-new E-USSR / DEFRA-funded / subsidised “not rearing pigs” business.
Shipment of Chinese Crap Raises Homeland Security Alert Level
A huge influx of cheap-good laden ships from Mainland China caused Homeland Security to raise its insecurity level to the orange level today. Normally, goods coming in from China raise no terrorist alerts, but due to the present economic crisis…
Medvedev’s Russia a Business Basket Case
The once-proud and imperial Russian realm of the corrupt and inept Tsars has now turned into a “criminal state”, according to a top UK financial whiz and investor who until recently did business with the country’s leading criminals. Ghengis McTwatte…
Adam Lambert Quells Concerns on Dubai Credit Crunch
Long having been regarded the financial heart of the Middle East, Dubai rocked world markets this week with announced uncertainty on servicing some $60 billion in debt. So today’s further information was heralded as calming news that will facilitate market…
Wal-Mart To Offer Sex Toys
Bentonville, Arkansas – Wal-Mart Corporation today announced that they are preparing to sell sex toys in select stores around the country. The mammoth retailer spent a full year on customer research and reached the conclusion that in select rural markets,…
Sioux Tribe to Attack Wall Street from Within
It has recently been reported that the Lower Brule Sioux tribe of South Dakota has purchased the Wall Street investment firm Westrock Group. This marks the first instance of a Native American organization diversifying out of the gambling, jewelry and…
Halliburton And The Carrots, Holds the Sticks
Bogota, Columbia – In an unusual development in the strife-torn South American country of Columbia, the giant war machine known as Halliburton seems to be growing food. Over the past 6 months, on advice from a high-level undisclosed source, the…
Depressing Office Filled With Depressing Looking People
MANHATTAN, NY. – Despite talks of economic recession, the Tristis corporate headquarters on Whitehall Street is very proud to display 35 stories of boring and lackluster architectural design populated by a depressed, overworked, and underpaid staff.