Where can the good news feasibly begin when the Rainbow starts and ends in crocks of festering shite?

The UN’s Climate Conference in Copenhagen has been pre-cursed and already daubed a well-deserved full seven shades of corrupt and deceitful shit-brown hue since the recent – though timely – exposure of the purposeful manipulation and falsification of historical meteorological records and global warming data feloniously committed by greedy academics and self-proclaimed weather wizards consumed by the age-old credo of self-interest in pursuit of their profit-motivated science – Climatocracy.

Hmmmm, so no more unmeritorious Nobel gongs for Big Fat Al’ Bore if his carbon cap n trade exchange collapses in the first circuit of the ‘Let’s Save the Planet’ marathon.

That vaunted ‘safe haven’ for long-term investment – the Mid-East Gulf region’s Caribbean / Mediterranean sun and fun resort – dodgy Dubai – the world’s biggest unfinished building site – has turned into yet another financial quagmire that would make Adam Smith and John Maynard Keynes shit kittens and spew bile.  No amount of ‘quantitative easing’ (what my dear old Grandma would call ‘robbin’ poor Peter to pay that spendthrift twat Paul’) is going to solve a problem that was founded on more scent than substance.

Now the counting house usurers and neshekhers are waiting on the Ripple Effect to reach them – marking those agonizing final breaths until OPEC enforces a swap from Petro-Dollars to Petro-Euros and China dumps their massive dollar reserves – causing the timely collapse of Western civilization – and also, initiates the mass extinction of the ‘useless eaters’ as legions of insolvent bonus-less bankers and stock brokers alike defenestrate out of their lofty eyrie’s and plunge downward into the midst of the masses of hard-headed unemployed proletariat spectators below.

So, to top off a thoroughly bad news week, rumors now abound that the Federal Reserve – the private Shylock banking monstrosity that’s been milking the US economy dry for generations – and purposely stage-managed the current recession for its own profit – is set to go tits up in a spectacular Busby Berkeley ‘End of the World’ Apocalyptic super-nova of financial meltdown before mid-summer 2010.

Whereas Gold-in Sacks, the parasitic Wall Street counting house that has been – and continues to be – the largest single recipient of zillions of dollars of the government’s (read tax-payer’s) largess – is set to become the new Grand Altar of Mammon.

However, with the Fort Knox gold bullion reserves being siphoned off (read pilfered / stolen) and replaced with gold-plated tungsten billets, a few canny independent bankers are staging a last ditch attempt to generate interest in the morose US greenback, salvage the system and kick-start the US economy back into life – which certain acerbic critics claim will be like trying to shove butter up a porcupine’s arse with a red hot knitting needle.

So, in light of the catastrophic state of their economy – caused through fractional reserve banking and a privately owned Fed’ printing the nation’s currency – at interest – the United States Treasury department, in an attempt to generate faith and investment in US Dollar$, has joined hands with these intrepid souls and petitioned the UK for licence to commission a run of new $1 bills bearing the image of Britain’s Head of State – Queen Elizabeth II.

Apparently the Bank of England and Parliament have tentatively agreed to the request on the proviso that the UK is once again permitted to print the image of their Head of State – President Obama – on the label of the nation’s favorite marmalade.