DOT Approves Asshole Lane For Nation’s Freeways
American drivers nationwide gave a collective cuss of relief when the US Department of Transportation announced its approval for a building project that would add designated asshole lanes to all the nation’s freeways by 2010.
IKEA To Accept Souls As Currency
In a bold attempt to increase sales, Swedish furniture retailer IKEA has announced that it will soon allow customers to sign away their mortal souls in exchange for store credit. Those whose souls are not wholesome enough to afford more…
Congress Adds Goats to New Economic Stimulus Plan
WASHINGTON – In a continuing effort to avoid recession, House leaders and the White House were pleased to announce plans for a new economic stimulus package that would include a goat, a sack of dry beans, and an acre of…
Depressing Office Filled With Depressing Looking People
MANHATTAN, NY. – Despite talks of economic recession, the Tristis corporate headquarters on Whitehall Street is very proud to display 35 stories of boring and lackluster architectural design populated by a depressed, overworked, and underpaid staff.