Adam Lambert Quells Concerns on Dubai Credit Crunch

Long having been regarded the financial heart of the Middle East, Dubai rocked world markets this week with announced uncertainty on servicing some $60 billion in debt. So today’s further information was heralded as calming news that will facilitate market stability.

Dubai Financial Ministry spokesman Adam Lambert explained, “Dubai regrets if anybody took it the wrong way, but it was a necessary first step towards a greater plan.” Mr. Lambert went on to detail the debt ridden emirate’s roadmap for full recovery, and assured reporters it’s already well underway. Dubai is changing its name to Paris.

According to Mr. Lambert, new road signs are nearly complete and may be shipped from China any day now. Upon receipt, installation is expected to go smoothly. Once completed it should be a simple matter to let creditors know Dubai is probably around here somewhere, just not here.

Polling in advance of the change has been very supportive. While only forty-seven percent expressed enthusiasm about wearing a beret, an astounding eighty-nine percent were in favor of being snotty towards visiting Americans.

So far, global reaction to the plan has been generally favorable too. Speaking on condition of anonymity, Fed official Sam Buckthorn (1187 Wilshire Cove, Alexandria, VA) said, “Wow! That is so cool! Can’t believe we never thought of that! So we could just change our name to Panama or something, and walk away from the whole mess? I’m so going to get all over that when I get back to the office, you know, in January.”

In an unrelated story, reality showed up uninvited at a White House event today.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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