A huge influx of cheap-good laden ships from Mainland China caused Homeland Security to raise its insecurity level to the orange level today. Normally, goods coming in from China raise no terrorist alerts, but due to the present economic crisis the agency has become aware that the importing of cut-rate merchandise from the former Communist land helps to destroy the American manufacturing base. This also takes jobs away from Americans, but since they have government jobs they know they don’t need to care.
The latest shipment, which consisted of 300,000 stuffed puppy toys with overly big, sad eyes, 230,000 cheap G.I. Joe ripoffs, 30,000 fake bamboo book shelves, 12,000 3 cylinder electric scooters, 43,000 plagiarized Woody Woodpecker Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey Fun Kits with a picture of an elephant instead of a donkey and a varied mix of strange smelling plastic ware, quick to oxidize silverware and cheap electronic items with indecipherable ‘English’ instructions.
The entire shipment, which cost U.S. importers a total of $36.47 had a street value of $25,000,000 once it got into our borders. Homeland Security finally saw the light and realized that economic terrorism was not just the stuff of pulp fiction books any more.
When raising the alert level to orange didn’t produce any reaction from the American public, Homeland Security hit upon the idea of declaring that all Chinese goods were radioactive. This worked, succeeding in damming out the tidal wave of sweatshop made materials that were eroding our economy.
It did little to stop the Asian juggernaut, however, when the North Koreans heard the goods were radioactive they bought up everything to stockpile for use on their own weapons of mass destruction (or as we refer to them ‘Weenieness of Mass Dumbness’ since North Korean missiles are still being guided by a homing pigeon stuffed in their nose cones).