Category: Society
Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism
Two Beefeaters at the Tower of London have been suspended from duty – by the thumbs – while a third is currently undergoing a course of extraordinary rendition in the Tower’s basement dungeons in connection with allegations of harassing their…
Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All
Weird and bizarre nutritional claims come and go – alongside the passage of a Millennium’s ages – and too with the flight of short fickle seasons. Raw mammoth meat provided our cave-dwelling ancestors with the virility and stamina to survive…
Ask Hank: Another Greek Tragedy
Hey Hank, Sometimes it feels like everything around me is going wrong, like my family hates me, like I’ll never get married, and like I’ll never have kids or become a real man. Can you suggest what drink would go…
Scumwood Barmaid Bankrupts Benefits Agency
A part-time barmaid and career welfare cheat was today convicted of multiple counts of benefit fraud. Bronmai Lawson was given a 12 month suspended prison sentence and ordered to perform 150 hours of unpaid Community Service duty as a ‘pavement…
The Bank Raid that Rocked the Met’
A horror story that has it’s Kafkaesque–Orwellian origins rooted in the date of 2nd June 2008, has now come – a year and a half later – a haunting full-circle from when more than 500 of the Met’s finest plods…
School Brands Five-Year Old Racist Pig
Let me tell you about Oriole Jaffacake. He’s a very bright five-year old child and comes from a nice home. Oriole is extremely polite, courteous and a normal healthy boy in both mind and body – and has a friend…
Guilty Verdict for Chavette Cat Killer
A 16-year-old Camberwell chavette has been ordered to perform 200 hours of community service work for the crew of HMS Belfast after being found guilty of drowning a cat which lived on the battleship. The teenager, Chantelle McSlag, who can’t…
Idiotic India Goes on Wicked Witch Hunt
A small coven of women were paraded naked, beaten with sticks of rhubarb and forced to eat human excrement by superstitious villagers after being branded as witches in India’s remote northern Moronland province. Police chief Ramjam Jaffacake told a reporter…
Diocese Brings Prettier Face to Kiddie Fiddling: Bankruptcy
The US Roman Catholic diocese of Wilmington is attempting to delay the start of a paedophile sex abuse trial yet again with a last ditch bankruptcy move to file for Chapter 11 protection since a celebrated deviant clergy / kiddie…
Ask Hank: Female Problems
Dear Hank, You know about relationships, so explain me this. I went to the store and my husband Dave told me to pick up his Bud Ice. Well Red Dog was on sale, and I bought that instead. No big…