Category: Human Interest
Mega Millions to Exceed $200 Billion
After many months of no winner, the Mega Millions jackpot has now soared to over $200 billion, according to Mega Millions lead director Paula Otto. “Whoever wins this jackpot will be the richest person on Earth”, Otto stated. “they will…
Insider Opens Shelter for Regretful & Embittered Advertisers
Dateline: NEW YORK—Hugo “Sellout” Slickster, a recovering ex-advertiser, opened The Center for Alienated and Cynical Advertisers (CACA). Its mission is to provide support for advertisers who are withdrawn and embittered because their job forces them to dehumanize consumers and thus…
Mourner of Paul Walker Attacked over “Irony”
VALENCIA, California – Those close to Paul Walker and people just trying to get on the news gathered at a memorial for the “Fast and Furious” actor who had died in a single-car crash with his friend in Valencia. He…
Josh Romney Races to Save Car from Fiery Crash
Josh Romney, third eldest son of Mitt Romney, is home safe today after his heroic rescue of a vehicle that flew past him at a high rate of speed, crashing into the kitchen of a home in Holladay, Utah on…
Parents Nationwide Update Children on Latest Things to Worry About
ACROSS THE NATION—Upon arriving at their parents’ house, sources confirmed they were greeted by their mother with the words, “Glad to see you made it. We’re always hearing about vehicle recalls on the news and you never know what might…
American Cities Allowing Pigeon Shoots for Poorest Families this Thanksgiving
Some cities hardest hit by the ever-worsening recession have come up with a way to kill two birds with one stone so to speak. They are urging the poorest of their citizens to take aim at the over abundance of…
Dad Waits for Break in Dialogue to Repeat Line
FORT WORTH, TX—While watching an action adventure film with his family Sunday evening, local father Lou Burkley waited briefly for the film’s dialogue to subside, giving him the window of opportunity to say out loud a line he deemed worthy…
America’s Father Not Going to Tell Nation a Second Time
WESTMORELAND, VIRGINIA COLONY – As the country’s highly documented problems with civil discourse continue to spiral out of control, the Father of the United States, President George Washington, has warned that he is not going to tell the nation a…
Woman Chops Off Finger to Avoid Workplace Safety Rally
SAN FRANCISCO, California – A cafeteria employee cut off one of her own fingers with a butcher’s knife in an “act of desperation” after a co-worker reminded her that 99 days had elapsed since someone had been injured in a…
Brooklyn Is Adjective, Confirms Webster’s
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. – Due out in 2014, the latest update to the Merriam Webster’s Dictionary confirms Brooklyn as an adjective. “We wanted to do some exciting things with language this year. We’re not just adding new pop culture terminology. We’re…