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Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

LONDON–Through a little investigative journalism here and a little bribe there, Iron E-News was able to obtain the royal jewel of news: The Queen’s Tweets.

Unbeknownst to most of the world, her majesty has a secret Twitter account and, since 2009, has become an avid contributor under the codename Intrnt Hpstr.

We have the exclusive and complete list of tweets and are very happy to share them with you: Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Sports Events5 Comments

GlossyNews.com Author Ranking System Has Arrived

GlossyNews.com Author Ranking System Has Arrived

After years of searching for just the right script to do just the right job, we finally have a way to reward our top authors with the recognition they so richly deserve. I mean, it’s not fair compensation, but we ain’t exactly made out of money, not even the little bills. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes7 Comments

Yahoo Somehow Still in Business

Yahoo Somehow Still in Business

SUNNYVALE, CA – Despite the overwhelming success of Google Inc. and the vast expansion plans of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, the internet service provider, Yahoo!, somehow continues to remain in business.

Webmasters and researchers across the entire blogosphere are baffled by Yahoo!’s seemingly inexpicable ability to remain a leader in “whatever it is Yahoo! actually does these days” and have even theorized that maybe the company’s success is generated by its own staff repeatedly clicking on the site’s navigation links. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes1 Comment

Barney Google (w/ them Goo-Goo-Googly Eyes) Sues Google Inc. for Copyrighted Infringement

Barney Google (w/ them Goo-Goo-Googly Eyes) Sues Google Inc. for Copyrighted Infringement

Now forgotten comic legend Barney Google (the guy with the ‘Goo-goo-gooogley Eyes’ according to an old hit song) is suing website mega-giant Google for copyrighted name infringement. Barney claims that Google intentionally used his name to increase their visibility in the marketplace. Contacted for their reply to this accusation Google spokesperson Sharon Yahoo said “Who?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

George Tierney Exclusive Interview… yes, George Tierney from Greenville, SC

George Tierney Exclusive Interview… yes, George Tierney from Greenville, SC

It was just yesterday when I saw the latest accidental celebrity create himself on the interwebs. It seems one George Tierney Jr. of Greenville, SC decided it was okay to get in a pissing match with tbogg from FireDogLake. Fark.com and others quickly picked it up, and I was the first to reach the man himself for an exclusive interview, which follows. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes37 Comments

Dang It, Google Drive, Be Rational

Dang It, Google Drive, Be Rational

Google Drive is the latest entry in the cloud backup and storage game. They offer mad amounts of storage at unbelievably reasonable prices, but they still fairly suck as bad as any of their competitors, and we just have to ask them; why? Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Study: Web Spamming Causes HerpatitAIDS

Study: Web Spamming Causes HerpatitAIDS

If you are reading this, it’s almost certianly because you are a spammer, or rather, a would-be spammer, since the block is what led you to this page. Congratulations, your herpes now has AIDS in addition to hepatitis.

Spammer Jason Blargfarious emailed administrators from his fresh hotmail account to say, “Hey, I’m not a Spammer! Why have I been directed here?” adding, “You can have a COK LIKE A CLUB using this one simple trick! Doctors hate me!”

The Spammer was reminded that it isn’t merely doctors who hate him, but literally everyone, since it’s his profession to destroy the inherent value of the internet. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes1 Comment

Humor Blog Owes Success to Worldwide Spammers

Humor Blog Owes Success to Worldwide Spammers

ROCKY MOUNT, NC – A 37-year old unemployed factory worker turned humor blogger is reportedly thrilled by recent praise his previously unknown humor blog has received. Avowed bachelor and longtime fan of Wheel of Fortune, Buford Quigley told reporters today that he is “as happy as a dead pig in sunshine” over the overwhelming positive response his humor blog is receiving – almost exclusively from internet spammers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Free Walmart Bingo Generator Game Released

Free Walmart Bingo Generator Game Released

Forget those underpowered, overpriced apps that promise you a fun game of Walmart Bingo, the FunnyHitman brings you one that’s even better, and best of all, it’s free to view, free to print and free to use as you laugh your inexpensive suburban socks off. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Strange People1 Comment

Statusbook Saves Facebookers Time by Forcing “Like” Updates

Statusbook Saves Facebookers Time by Forcing “Like” Updates

MISSOULA, MT—A new website has made it even easier for Facebook members to update their status through a rating system that allows members to test their updates before posting them.

Members who are too brain dead from lurking on the pages of ex-girlfriends or watching Youtube videos of raccoons giving hugs can also go to Statusbook to get ideas for status updates, or simply copy and paste updates that have already been rated. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Wikileaks Founder Charged w/ Molesting Dozens of Political Careers

Wikileaks Founder Charged w/ Molesting Dozens of Political Careers

Washington 0500hrs: Creepy-looking founder of Wikileaks and alleged evil genius, Julian Assange, has officially been charged by prosecutors in Florida with molesting at least 26 political careers over the course of a single week last year.

The controversial figurehead and former computer hacker, currently under house arrest in England, claims the allegations are preposterous. “I did not assault these diplomats,” declared Assange, as he left court with his barrister, Geoffrey Robertson QC. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Internets Tubes0 Comments

How to Get AOL to Buy Your Blog for Millions

How to Get AOL to Buy Your Blog for Millions

You may have heard the recent news about AOL purchasing Huffington Post for the sum of $315 million dollars. Will AOL buy your blog? Will AOL pay you a million dollars for your blog or website? Will AOL give you hundreds of millions of dollars to buy your blog? Are you crazy?

The short answer is maybe, but the longer answer is maybe-but-a-we-just-a-gotta-wait-and-see, but maybe not for $315 million cold, hard smackeroos. It could be more, though it could be much, much less… and you’d still be happy about it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Internets Tubes1 Comment

GlossyNews Honored, Insulted by Romanian Knock-Off

GlossyNews Honored, Insulted by Romanian Knock-Off

If imitation truly is the sincerest form of flattery, then this recently noticed Glossy News site in Romania means we’ve truly made it. If it doesn’t, however, Dracula owes me some blood, because I’ve been running this mare hard for 9-years, and even Vlad the Impaler better pay me some props. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

GlossyNews Swallows [Pride] and Merges with Twitter

GlossyNews Swallows [Pride] and Merges with Twitter

Following a precipitous plummet in readership, the once formidable political satire site Glossynews announced today that it will be merging with Twitter to create internet’s the first 140 character satire site.  Glossynews found itself in trouble shortly after insisting on well-edited pieces, much to the ire of thousands of aspiring writers who produced copious amounts of material for the site. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Internets Tubes8 Comments

Google Buys Wikileaks for an Undisclosed $30 Billion USD

Google Buys Wikileaks for an Undisclosed $30 Billion USD

Mountain View, CA- GlossyNews.com In what is likely the fastest negotiated buyout in history, mega-corporation Google will purchase the redheaded stepchild of the information age, Wikileaks.org, from founder J. Paul Assange for a staggering, undisclosed sum of $30 billion USD.

An unidentified source has confirmed the money will changed hands, making accused condom-hater Assange one of the richest men on earth. How Google plans to dole out unreleased Wikileaks information was not addressed in the leaked statement. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Internets Tubes0 Comments

EHarmony Threatens Survival of Entire Human Race

EHarmony Threatens Survival of Entire Human Race

The popular dating website has tens of millions of users around the globe and claims that the marriages it engenders last longer and are more contented than normal. It bases its matches between singles on compatibility traits. “This is the problem”, one genetics researcher, Dr. Tsung Foo of Apple Fertility Clinic, a new app for the iPhone, professes, “since compatibility is not a natural human species mating trait. That is not how sex works.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Internets Tubes1 Comment

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