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Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations

Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations

Much of the conflict that resulted in the First World War was fostered in the various alliances that countries bound themselves to in the years leading up to the conflict.

In the Information Age, a similar dynamic had predicated itself in social media relationships between various countries and their leaders, leading to tenuous diplomatic bonds and disputes that threaten to push the world to the brink of war. Continue Reading

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New Course Offerings for the Idiot Generation

New Course Offerings for the Idiot Generation

HIS1995 – Life Before the Internet

This history course covers the dark period of mankind’s existence during the late 20th century, prior to the development of the World Wide Web. Students will learn about the primitive techniques utilized by early man for his daily survival and entertainment – including such legendary “lost arts” as standing, walking, communicating face-to-face with others, reading paper-based media, writing by hand, and watching video programming only at times and intervals dictated by broadcast television authorities.

Prerequisite: HIS1979 – Life Before Cell Phones

LIT1284 – English Literature Twitter Feed

This course introduces students to the some of the greatest works of English literature through a series of easily digestible tweets of 140 characters or less. Texts are enriched with emoticons to ease comprehension: “It was the best of times 🙂 It was the worst of times :-(“. The use of numerals, letters, symbols and abbreviations in place of words helps speed the reader along: “2B/2B? TITQ”.

Prerequisite: LIT241 – Famous Dramatic Soliloquies as Facebook Status Updates

GEO2012 – The World According to GPS

This course replaces all of our former geography courses, now that the ability to read a map is no longer a required skill in contemporary civilization. Students will practice a range of basic GPS-based driving skills – such as the ability to clearly say the name of their destination while having a mouthful of food, understanding the difference between “turn right” and “turn left”, and how to avoid panic when the GPS system says “recalculating”.

Prerequisite: GEO2011 – A World Outside of Your Home: Reality or Myth?

MAT1234 – Those Number Buttons on the Right Side of Your Keyboard

What would you do if your voice-activated accounting software failed? This course introduces students to the mysterious numerical keypad located on their computer keyboard and shows how it can actually be used to do basic mathematical calculations – such as addition, subtraction, multiplication and…well, we don’t want to give the whole course away now, do we?

Prerequisite: MAT123 – Counting on Your Fingers and Toes

COM1221 – Rewriting Wikipedia Entries

This composition course guides students through the process of rewriting information found on Wikipedia to seem like an original text based on the student’s own research.

Take the following Wikipedia entry, for example: “William I, usually known as William the Conqueror and sometimes as William the Bastard, was the first Norman King of England, reigning from 1066 until his death in 1087.”

This could easily be rewritten as follows: “William I was king of England from 1066 to 1087. The reason he decided to stop being king was that he died. Most people called him William the Conqueror because that was a really cool nickname. Some people called him William the Bastard, but probably not to his face. What ‘s weird is that his real name was Norman.”

CKG1000 – 1,000 Instant Noodle Recipes

This cooking workshop prepares students for surviving their college years through the preparation of a vast array of Ramen noodle-based meals. Practical tips include using dorm room leftovers – pizza crusts, nacho crumbs, Subway shredded lettuce – to give added flavor and bulk to noodle concoctions.

Prerequisite: CKG212 – Fundamentals of Boiling Water

SOC500 – Making the Most of Your 500th Job Interview

This social studies practicum helps prepare students for making their 500th job interview the one that finally gets them the job they’ve been desperately seeking for the past 20+ years since their graduation from college. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Science & Technologizzy1 Comment

Twitter Gets its Trademark Panties in a Twist

Twitter Gets its Trademark Panties in a Twist

Twitter, the site where people chat to each other in 140 characters or less, and which encourages following, has posted a guide on the correct usage of its trademarks.

The issue? Most of us can wipe our behinds with it if we want to waste the paper and ink to print it out first.

This is because, according to the trademarks laws of the U.S. and Europe, the only way you can be found guilty of trademark infringement is while you are using it in the course of trade. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes3 Comments

Teen Takes a Few Minutes Away from <i>Skyrim</i> to Spend Quality Time with <i>Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3</i>

Teen Takes a Few Minutes Away from Skyrim to Spend Quality Time with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

INDIANAPOLIS – After playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim on his PlayStation 3 for twelve solid hours Tuesday, local teen Benjamin White finally took a few moments away from the highly popular video game to spend some much needed quality time with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

According to his PS3’s record log, White has not spent any meaningful time with the military-based computer game since November 9 – two days before purchasing Skyrim. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes3 Comments

Man Justifies Having Two Facebook Profiles

Man Justifies Having Two Facebook Profiles

Documents leaked to Glossy News have revealed that a man, only being identified as Man P, for data privacy reasons, has not one, but two Facebook profiles.

It is unclear how this may have happened, but early examination of the information speculates that Man P set up a profile way back in 2005, when nobody cared about booking his or her faces permanently on the Internet.

It would then seem that Man P re-registered with a ‘work e-mail’ in 2009 after nothing happened on his 2005 account, as it doesn’t even have a photo or the timeline. Continue Reading

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Man Awakes from Coma; Wonders Where All His MySpace Friends Are

Man Awakes from Coma; Wonders Where All His MySpace Friends Are

After spending 6 years in a comatose condition stemming from a bizarre bungee jumping accident during an otherwise raucous and spirited Spring break in Cancun, local man Bryce Peters, now 27, has incredibly regained consciousness.

Doctors always remained hopeful of his recovery, as hi-tech scans showed as recently as last month that his brain continued to function almost completely normal. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Society5 Comments

Dread Addiction of Freeitis Strikes Web Users Worldwide

Dread Addiction of Freeitis Strikes Web Users Worldwide

The advent and incredible popularity of the Internet has resulted in an outbreak of the strange psychological malady known as ‘Freeitis’.

Freeitis is a recent mental disease in which a person, growing used to getting everything for free on the Internet, ie. free downloads, free music, free videos, etc., then grows to expect everything in life to be for free.

Some of those afflicted, usually hard core Internet users, then start to expect these freebies in the outer world as well, going so far as to start demanding them from the society around them. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes5 Comments

Who Gives a Wiki?

Who Gives a Wiki?

A recent poll has shown that over 95% of the world population neither knows nor cares about the site ‘wikileaks’

In research carried out by the ‘Blue Sky Black Heart’ think tank has shown that nobody really cares about the site and 98% of people have never even visited the website, some even confused it with Wikipedia.

Wikileaks has been in the spotlight again recently because its founder Julian Assange has just been granted asylum in Ecuador (where? I know, right?). And he has asked that the US give up its ‘War on Whistle-blowers’ as they can be way ‘too loud’. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Strange People2 Comments

GlossyNews.com is Looking for a Photoshop Guru

GlossyNews.com is Looking for a Photoshop Guru

We need somebody to make clever, funny pictures for our stories. Are you good at Photoshop? Have you participated in contests at Worth1000 or Fark? Then we’re looking for you to help spice up our articles and make them brilliant.

Basically you can submit for consideration using the contact page, and we’ll write back to ask for a couple samples of work you’ve done.

Then you’ll be given a couple articles to make images for. If you’re accepted, you’ll be given full access to the admin of the site to add images as you see fit. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes2 Comments

Onion Intern Fired for Suggesting Satire on Obama Actually be Directed at Obama

Onion Intern Fired for Suggesting Satire on Obama Actually be Directed at Obama

CHICAGO–An intern for The Onion, a popular satirical newspaper based right here in the Windy City, was fired last week for violating the cardinal rule of media (yes, even satirical media).

Apparently, the young “reporter” submitted an idea to his editor to actually satirize President Obama. And no, he wasn’t kidding.

“Seriously?!” exclaimed the unbelieving editor. “Everyone (well at least I thought everyone) knows when we say bring us satire on Obama, that doesn’t mean satirize Obama! It means bring us something that merely uses Obama to make fun of the idiots on the other side.”

“But I thought we were supposed to be creating and defending the satire of politics, not the politics of satire?” replied the dimwitted intern quite dimwittedly.

“You see, there’s your problem: you thought. Oh, and by the way, you’re fired.”

It seems this is not the first time this particular moron has been told to ‘hit the bricks.’ His resume shows previously employment with The Daily Show for exactly one hour and before that, SNL, for much less.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes3 Comments

YouTube Sensation Checks Into Rehab… Meow

YouTube Sensation Checks Into Rehab… Meow

Celebrity seeks help after trashing hotel room in catnip-fueled rampage

LOS ANGELES – The pressures of fame appear to have claimed yet another celebrity victim today, as one of the Internet’s most beloved stars checked in for treatment at Hollywood’s exclusive Laurel Canyon Recovery Center.

Buster, the adorable cat who rocketed to nationwide fame in a series of viral YouTube videos, was admitted to the posh rehab facility this morning after Continue Reading

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Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

LONDON–Through a little investigative journalism here and a little bribe there, Iron E-News was able to obtain the royal jewel of news: The Queen’s Tweets.

Unbeknownst to most of the world, her majesty has a secret Twitter account and, since 2009, has become an avid contributor under the codename Intrnt Hpstr.

We have the exclusive and complete list of tweets and are very happy to share them with you: Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Sports Events5 Comments

GlossyNews.com Author Ranking System Has Arrived

GlossyNews.com Author Ranking System Has Arrived

After years of searching for just the right script to do just the right job, we finally have a way to reward our top authors with the recognition they so richly deserve. I mean, it’s not fair compensation, but we ain’t exactly made out of money, not even the little bills. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes7 Comments

Yahoo Somehow Still in Business

Yahoo Somehow Still in Business

SUNNYVALE, CA – Despite the overwhelming success of Google Inc. and the vast expansion plans of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, the internet service provider, Yahoo!, somehow continues to remain in business.

Webmasters and researchers across the entire blogosphere are baffled by Yahoo!’s seemingly inexpicable ability to remain a leader in “whatever it is Yahoo! actually does these days” and have even theorized that maybe the company’s success is generated by its own staff repeatedly clicking on the site’s navigation links. Continue Reading

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Barney Google (w/ them Goo-Goo-Googly Eyes) Sues Google Inc. for Copyrighted Infringement

Barney Google (w/ them Goo-Goo-Googly Eyes) Sues Google Inc. for Copyrighted Infringement

Now forgotten comic legend Barney Google (the guy with the ‘Goo-goo-gooogley Eyes’ according to an old hit song) is suing website mega-giant Google for copyrighted name infringement. Barney claims that Google intentionally used his name to increase their visibility in the marketplace. Contacted for their reply to this accusation Google spokesperson Sharon Yahoo said “Who?” Continue Reading

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George Tierney Exclusive Interview… yes, George Tierney from Greenville, SC

George Tierney Exclusive Interview… yes, George Tierney from Greenville, SC

It was just yesterday when I saw the latest accidental celebrity create himself on the interwebs. It seems one George Tierney Jr. of Greenville, SC decided it was okay to get in a pissing match with tbogg from FireDogLake. Fark.com and others quickly picked it up, and I was the first to reach the man himself for an exclusive interview, which follows. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes37 Comments

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