Author: Veto Votti
New ‘Trans-Jewish’ Movement Sparks Outrage
A new movement being popularized on Tumblr is seeking to show solidarity with individuals worldwide who feel they are “Trans-Jewish.” According to other posts on the page, the author is concerned with giving a voice to people such as himself,…
Plumbers Rush to Stop NSA Leak
FORT MEADE – After gaining word of a tremendous NSA leak, plumbers in Staten Island and across the country dashed to Maryland in hopes of averting an insurance claim disaster. Led by Joe Wurzelbacher and John McCain, the group of…
Michele Bachman Comes Out as Eggplant
ST. PAUL – Democrats and Republicans alike are in shock after famed Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced her exit from the closet as a proud American Eggplant. The move, which came after her recent decision not to seek reelection to the…
General Mills to Introduce Biracial Cheerios
GOLDEN VALLEY – General Mills is attracting wide attention after announcing it will introduce a new, interracial line of Cheerios. The decision comes in the wake of controversy generated by a cute ad of the company’s, which showcases an interracial…
Report: Obama Fails to Check Privilege
The White House is on the defense after President Obama was caught failing to check his cisgender privilege at the announcement of a new cabinet appointment. According to reports, the president referred to UN Ambassador nominee Norrie Powers as “she,”…
Tea Party Warns of Threat to American Onion
TOPEKA – Members of the Kansas Tea Party are drawing considerable attention after they released a documentary warning of a threat to the “American Onion.” Director Shelley Burnell explained her film’s purpose, saying: “For generations America has existed as an…
Poll: Majority Concede Overt Racist Moseley Likely Right
ENGLAND – In the wake of Thursday’s vicious attack in London, a new poll finds that a majority of the British public now believe the fascist leader Oswald Moseley was right when he condemned liberal immigration policies in the 1950s….
Report: Libertarianism Classified As Mental Disorder
In a development that is stirring nationwide anger, the American Psychological Association has released a report classifying Libertarianism as a mental disorder. Head researcher Paul Keynes discussed the organization’s findings, which were gleaned from a 10-year study that interviewed and…
Gay Muslim Arrested for “Loving Mohammed”
RIYADH – An openly gay Muslim has been arrested by religious police for professing his desire to “make love” with the prophet Mohammed. According to eyewitness reports, Omar al-Haard was accosted by thirty police officers after being caught in a…
Study: Libertarians Enjoy BDSM More Than Fascists
Results of a new study completed by Grove City College suggest self-identifying libertarians like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) relationships more than their opposites on the political spectrum: the fascists. Out of the 10000 people polled (split 50-50…