Posted in Science & Technologizzy Society Travel

They’re Coming for Your Car Keys. Welcome to the World of Self-Driving Cars

One of my favorite jokes goes like this: “I got really drunk last night, so I decided to take the bus home. Now that may not sound impressive to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.” Stop the Presses!…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! They’re Coming for Your Car Keys. Welcome to the World of Self-Driving Cars
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Trump University Fall 2016 Courses

The Trump University Promise At Trump University success is what it’s all about. Trump U is about a lot of things – but above all, how you can be successful by helping me become even more successful by enrolling in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Trump University Fall 2016 Courses
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Trump’s Efforts to Lose the Election Continue to Falter

[Author’s Note: Glossy News’ Tim Jones was granted an exclusive interview with Donald Trump. He asked the Republican presidential nominee how he could still be running neck and neck with Hillary Clinton despite his repeated instances of inflammatory rhetoric and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Trump’s Efforts to Lose the Election Continue to Falter
Posted in Making Headlines Politics Top Stories

Breaking News: USA Votes to Leave North America

(Washington, D.C.) In the wake of Great Britain’s recent populist-led decision to leave the European Union, momentum gathered quickly for the United States to follow suit. In a flurry of referendum-lobbying activity, spurred on primarily by Donald Trump and his…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Breaking News: USA Votes to Leave North America
Posted in Top Stories

Small Town Crime

I’ve lived in major metro areas my entire life – Albany, NY, Columbus, Miami, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and most recently, Seattle. They all had one disturbing characteristic in common – high levels of crime. Every year, it seems, the rates of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Small Town Crime
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Dear American Refugees, Welcome to Canada

Greetings, American Refugees, On behalf of the people of Canada, we would like to welcome you to our country. We hope you’ll enjoy your stay. We’re starting to worry about your nation’s apparent complete psychological breakdown. You were doing so…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dear American Refugees, Welcome to Canada
Posted in Politics

My Spirited Defense of Donald Trump

Donald Trump is a great American. In the past nine months, he has done a masterful job of uniting millions of Americans from all different backgrounds – admittedly mostly by uniting them in their deep hatred and fear of Donald…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! My Spirited Defense of Donald Trump
Posted in Human Interest Society

My Plan to Donate My Powerball Jackpot Winnings to the Kids in Africa

I was really bummed to learn that I did not win the recent $1.6 billion Powerball jackpot. I was so close to winning it all. I was only off by four or five numbers. Drat! It took me a while…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! My Plan to Donate My Powerball Jackpot Winnings to the Kids in Africa
Posted in Biz News Health

Have You Heard About Dyzastra?

Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Why not try Dyzastra? (“Di-ZAH-Struh”) Do you have a spare tire around your middle that you’d like to get rid of? How about trying Dyzastra? Stomach pain, the common cold and restless leg syndrome…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Have You Heard About Dyzastra?
Posted in Kidz Zone Society

“Will you take $750 for that 2013 BMW?” – Helping my teenager buy her first car

Recently I helped our younger teenage daughter, Emmy, purchase her first car. She had no idea how much used cars cost. I think she was hoping to afford a slightly used Lexus. What she got instead was a lesson in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “Will you take $750 for that 2013 BMW?” – Helping my teenager buy her first car
Posted in Crime Crooked Cops

Help your town. Become a criminal

If your city is like most others in this great country, it is no doubt struggling to pay its bills and balance its budget – unless your town is Beverly Hills, in which case you can stop reading now. No…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Help your town. Become a criminal
Posted in Internets Tubes Society

The “joy” of buying a new computer

I recently bought a new laptop because my old one was having problems. From my purchase experience, I want to pass along the following helpful piece of advice: NEVER EVER BUY A NEW COMPUTER. Limp along with your Apple Lisa…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The “joy” of buying a new computer
Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

The case against marriage equality for left-handed people

It’s time patriotic, flag-waving Americans stand up for our God-given right to oppose any minority group that makes us feel slightly uncomfortable. The time is now to raise arms – and legs – against the moral decay of this once…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The case against marriage equality for left-handed people
Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

America is the greatest nation on earth – In your FACE, Denmark

On July 4th, we will once again celebrate our independence from the tyranny of England. Those British monarchs can be so oppressive. If it were up to Queen Elizabeth, we’d all be forced to drink Earl Grey tea with every…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! America is the greatest nation on earth – In your FACE, Denmark
Posted in Education Human Interest

Fifty Shades of White

When I was first learning how to color in 1st grade, my art teacher taught us about red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black and white. Pretty much all the colors I’ve needed ever since. Then I got my first…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fifty Shades of White
Posted in Kidz Zone Opinion/Editorial

Better parenting through polling

When it comes to parenting, I don’t always make the best decisions. I’m not always sure what the right thing to do is in a difficult situation. Like the time our elder daughter begged and pleaded with me to let…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Better parenting through polling
Posted in Entertainment Human Interest

Welcome to CatMatch.com

Exciting news from Match.com, the world’s largest online match-making service. Since our launch in 1995, our goal has been to help men and women find their perfect someone. To date we have found matches for several million people – and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Welcome to CatMatch.com
Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream

On January 19th, this nation will celebrate Martin Luther King Day. The iconic civil rights leader would have been 86 this year. On a swelteringly hot day in August 1963, Reverend King delivered one of the greatest oratories in American…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Like Martin Luther King, I have a dream
Posted in Politics Society

2014 – The Year in Review: Part II (July – December)

We continue this week with Part II of Glossy News’ Year in Review for 2014. If you missed Part I, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much, but it’s here for the curious. A couple of wars, a few natural disasters…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 2014 – The Year in Review: Part II (July – December)
Posted in Entertainment Society

2014 – The Year in Review: Part I (January – June)

As has been the proud tradition of this Pulitzer-Prize-denied publication since 1952 – except for 2012 (when the Mayan Calendar predicted the world would end, so I figured, what was the point) – it’s time for Glossy News’ Annual Year…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 2014 – The Year in Review: Part I (January – June)
Posted in Sports Sports Scandals

Announcing a new, politically correct name for the Washington Redskins

Lately, all the media attention about the NFL has centered on the issue of domestic abuse. But long before that issue grabbed the headlines, another controversy had been building for months, even years: The often emotional debate over the name…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Announcing a new, politically correct name for the Washington Redskins
Posted in Crime Opinion/Editorial

A Solution to Our Prison Problem – Soccer Balls

Newsflash: Our prison population over the past two decades has soared to a record-bursting 2.4 million. Almost one out of every 100 Americans is currently incarcerated. (Personally, I blame Hollywood celebutantes Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Justin Bieber for much…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! A Solution to Our Prison Problem – Soccer Balls
Posted in Sports Sports Events

I was snubbed by the U.S. Olympic Ski Team

Dear U.S. Olympic Ski Team: Congratulations on an outstanding Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. And hey, that 18 year-old Mikaela Shiffrin was impressive on the giant slalom. Well done. I just have one minor complaint to register: Why did you…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! I was snubbed by the U.S. Olympic Ski Team
Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

A parent’s survival guide for when college kids come home for the holidays

Recently both of our daughters came home for the holiday break. Their return brought us a new set of parenting concerns. When kids go off to college, they suddenly consider themselves adults. They feel the old kids’ rules from their…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! A parent’s survival guide for when college kids come home for the holidays
Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

Common Courtesy Rules for the 21st Century

Let’s face it. We’re all busy. Life now is much harder than it was back in the days before cell phones, the internet and Roomba vacuum cleaning robots. There’s barely enough time in the day to update our Facebook status,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Common Courtesy Rules for the 21st Century
Posted in Health Society

Washingtonian Excited for Perils of Living in a Stoner State

Recently two states legalized the recreational use of marijuana: Colorado and my state, Washington. In full disclosure, even though, like Bill Clinton, I have never personally tried pot, I voted for passage of this law. And I want to apologize…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Washingtonian Excited for Perils of Living in a Stoner State
Posted in Environment Human Interest

Seattle’s narrow escape from the icy grip of winter

Whew! That was that a close call. There was a point earlier this week when I thought I might never see my kids again. Worse yet, I feared that my final blog post might be last week’s lame rant about…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Seattle’s narrow escape from the icy grip of winter
Posted in Entertainment Opinion/Editorial

Sarah Palin wants to save Christmas. You can help by buying her new book

Christmas Day is just around the corner, a time of peace and love and harmony, unless you’re Jewish. But this year, our Christian values of tolerance and forgiveness are being overwhelmed by a cataclysmic war on a scale the world…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sarah Palin wants to save Christmas. You can help by buying her new book
Posted in Crime

Police credit urban fashion trend in helping to catch criminals

For years, our nation’s law enforcement agencies have made great technological strides in their efforts to hunt down criminals. Thanks to popular shows like CSI Miami, CSI New York, CSI Las Vegas, and the lesser known CSI Akron, CSI Schenectady…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Police credit urban fashion trend in helping to catch criminals
Posted in Biz News Opinion/Editorial

TGIT – Thank God It’s Tuesday

Last November and December, I experienced some shortened work weeks thanks to the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Both holidays were preceded by shortened three-day work weeks, so I had to be extremely focused, making efficient use of every minute of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! TGIT – Thank God It’s Tuesday