Author: Tim Jones
Top Stories in The News – Alternative Facts Edition
[The following news summary has been approved by the White House Ministry of Clarifying Communications and Truthful Facts, the greatest, most truthlike communications ministry in American history.] Contrary to the endless lies propagated by fake news sources like CNN, The…
Warning: You may already be exposed to T.R.U.M.P. Disorder
Over the past 18 months a previously unknown but highly dangerous psychiatric disorder has spread across the entire United States. It is now considered by medical experts to be our nation’s most nefarious mental health problem. This malady’s scientific name…
The secret to maintaining your New Year’s Resolutions…
… is never to make any, of course. I mean, seriously. Just look at my track record over the past twenty years.
Trump Shakes Things Up with Bold Cabinet Appointments
Donald Trump has wasted no time putting his signature on his new administration. In what some critics are calling a scarily bad case of Opposite Day, President-Elect Trump so far has chosen an Education Secretary who has never held any…
Handicapping the Frontrunners for 2020
In the off chance you’ve been in a coma the past few weeks, I have some unsettling news. You might want to sit down. Donald Trump is our new President-Elect. Please, put down that sharp object. As denial about this…
History – As Told by Forgotten Newspaper Headlines
The recent presidential election has resulted in some pretty shocking newspaper headlines – like when Scotland’s The Daily Record ran a cover story showing a photo of Donald Trump at his swank new Scottish golf course on a windy day,…
Trump is Right – Proof that the Election is Rigged
Donald Trump has alleged the 2016 presidential election has been rigged against him and that the only possible way he can lose will be because of fraud and collusion. As a noted investigative reporter, I felt it was my journalistic…
Muslims Report Stuff
At the second presidential debate, a Muslim member of the Town Hall audience asked Donald Trump what could be done to reduce the intense level of Islamophobia. Trump replied with what many Americans think is an outstanding solution to address…
Official Letters Confirm Trump is Ready to Become the Most Amazing President Ever
The Trump Campaign just announced it will be releasing scores of official letters from experts attesting to the fact Donald Trump is fully prepared to be the most incredibly qualified person to run for the American presidency in over 500…
Another Political First – The First VP Candidate named TIM
Hello. Tim Jones here. This presidential election year is historic in several ways. It is the first time in US history that: • a woman has been nominated by a major political party as their presidential candidate • a major…