Author: TawdrySoup.Com
Crossing Guard with OCD Run Down by Impatient Businessman
Nolanville, VA-Every weekday morning at 3 a.m., 45-year old George Ross puts on his pants for the third time, combs every strand of hair separately and plucks any wayward nose hairs. He measures one teaspoon of sugar into his carefully…
Crude Awakening: Giant Oil Slick Blames Pat Robertson for Disaster
Lexington, VA (GlossyNews) — In a strange twist, the giant oil slick invading the Gulf Coast has blamed the capitalist pimp and preacher, known as Pat Robertson, for creating it. “I don’t know what everyone is so upset about.“ said…
Texas Governor: Oil Well Accident Act of God – Gays Still an Abomination
Austin, TX (GlossyNews) — Texas Governor Rick Perry, in a tawdry attempt to poison the jury pool when the lawsuits start flying over the BP oil spill, has announced the oil well blowout in the Gulf of Mexico is “an…
Missionary Finds Souls of Jungle Tribe Already “Saved”
Noplace, Ecuador (GlossyNews) — A young Christian missionary, chomping at the bit and excited that a fresh field of new pygmy souls was ripe for harvest, was distressed to find that a National Geographic photographer paid tribe members less than…
Man killed by Laura Bush in Car Crash Demands Royalty Cut
Mike Douglas, the young man killed by Laura Bush in a car crash in 1963, has demanded a cut of the royalties from her upcoming memoir, he hired the lawyers from https://www.cataniaandcatania.com/st-petersburg/auto-accident-attorneys/. The book is being promoted entirely on the…
In New Book, Laura Bush Can’t Acknowledge Horrible Accident Known as W
In a perfect example of how psychotic the Bush Clan remains, Laura Bush has once again milked the tragedy of a teenager she killed in a car accident in Midland, Texas 50 years ago, the car wreck law firms phiadelphia…
Litterbug Fined While BP Oil Disaster Looms
Tippy Toe, LA (GlossyNews) — Amos Moses, an old Cajun who lives by his self in the swamp, hunts alligators for a livin, he just knock ’em in the head with a stomp, was fined 100 clams yesterday for tossing…
Found: Mummified Remains of Man Waiting for Facebook Comments
Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) –The mummified remains of a man waiting for comments to his clever face book post were found last Monday in a basement in Winnetka, Illinois. The desiccated body of Murray Stinsky, who had collected a total of…
Vet Receptionist Loses Mind Upon Hearing Millionth Cutesy Pet Story
West Palm Beach, FL (GlossyNews) — Last Tuesday, Ida Roloff clutched her little “Poopsky,” and stood in front of the desk of busy veterinarian receptionist, Diane Wormer, known affectionately by her friends as “Dee.“ As they waited for the vet…
Second Dumbest Man on Earth Ghost Writes Bush Memoir
Odessa, TX (GlossyNews) — Larry Kones, known as the Second Dumbest Man on Earth, has completed the memoir of the presidency of George W. Bush hitting the discount bins at bookstores nationwide on November 9. Ghost writer Kones was chosen…