Switzerland to Ban Muslim Minarets

Conservative moderate Swiss voters turned out en masse to support a referendum proposal banning the building of any more Islamic minarets.

More than 75% of voters and 22 out of 26 cantons voted in favor of the ban – with the remaining 25% voting to deport the Muslims themselves.

The proposal had been put forward by the Swiss People’s Party (SVP), the largest in Parliament, which claims the mosques and minarets are a sign of radical Islamization and their accompanying madrassas serving to stir up sectarian hatred against Western Civilization and act as training centers for barmy Muslim suicide bombers intent on destroying Switzerland’s traditional cultural heritages of banking, skiing, cuckoo clocks and fine chocolate.

Conversely the Federal Council opposed the ban, claiming it may well harm Switzerland’s image, particularly in the Muslim world, as a nice neutral country and might frighten off oil-rich Arab depositors from using Swiss banks.

However Heinrich Volestrangler, the SVP’s general secretary, told the Xenophobes Gazette “This was a majority vote against the spread of their towering minarets representing phallic symbols of evil Islamic power.”

Justice Minister Fellatia Worm-Stamper told Pox News “Concerns about Islamic fundamentalism have to be taken seriously since these people hate our democratic freedoms and keep blowing things up to prove their point.”

“The Federal Council (government) respects this decision by our people. Consequently the construction of new minarets in Switzerland is no longer permitted.”

“Regardless, this ban on the construction of new minarets is not a feasible means of countering extremist tendencies – so we shall have to start clamping down on radical Islamic preachers like that nasty old one-eyed git Abu Hamza al-Masri who looks like a failed auditioner for the part of Captain Hook in Peter Pan.”

Minister Worm-Stamper nevertheless sought to reassure moderate Muslims immigrants that the decision was “not a rejection of the Muslim community, religion or culture – we just don’t want any more of your intrusive minarets poking up to the sky like Nimrod’s Tower of Babel.”

Switzerland is now home to some 400,000 Muslims and has just four minarets – which many die-hard Calvinist Christians claim is simply ‘four too many’.

Supporters of the ban claimed that allowing the construction of more minarets would represent the growth of an ideology and their oppressive Dark Ages legal system – Sharia law – which are both wholly incompatible with the ideology and practice of Swiss democracy.

Amnesty International opined that the vote violated freedom of religious belief and pursuit – and would probably be overturned by the Swiss Supreme Court or the European Court of Human Rights – or by an opportune suicide bomber blasting the Federal Council Assembly as a means of protest.

Egypt’s Grand Mufti Ali Ping Pong described the ban as an insult to the feelings of the Muslim community right across Europe – and simply because a few radical Muslim types blew up the odd building and train service here and there.

Regardless of Ali Ping Pong’s worthless opinion Islamophobia has increased intensively, driven by a variety of factors.

Since the successful false flag attacks of 9/11 in the United States, and the bombings in Madrid and London, Bali and elsewhere, Muslims are now regarded as a constant security threat that should be not just contained but stamped out and eradicated before they can cause further harm.

They are seen as not just resistant to integration, but determined to impose their religion’s Stone Age cultural values on the Christian societies of the West – much as they did in the original expansion from the 8th Century onwards – that resulted in a succession of wars and crusades in the Near East and across the European continent – with Turkey – the capital of Rome’s Eastern Empire – turning out a total basket case mess ever since.

Thus for many of the 15 million Muslims in Western Europe the Swiss vote will be seen as one more sign that – whatever governments claim and maintain – they are simply not welcome – much the same as Christians in Muslim countries.

Heinz Scrunt, leader of the Zurich-based Alpine Xenophobia Party, told Fux News “We do not want mumbling Muslim Mullahs yodelling away in Arabic or some other heathen tongue from atop their manky minarets and disturbing the peace for honest God-fearing folks five times a day – no thank you.”

“Now they are quoting to us that we Swiss are ‘religious intolerants and bigots indeed.”

“So, please, Mohammed, just hang onto your hat – or turban or tea towel -whatever – for a few moments while we ask this simple question regarding religious tolerance.”

“Can we come over to your country as immigrants – the super xenophobic religious bigoted Saudi Arabia in your particular case – and build our own Christian church and worship our God freely?”
“Er – sorry – big no-no on that score – Islam only in the birthplace of Islam – and you try to smear us with the stigmata of religious intolerance! What donkeys.”

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via TheSatireStall.Blogspot.com